The Sound of Silence

Oh hey, sorry about the silence here - I'll keep it fairly brief.

The main thing keeping from the computer is that The Toddler got sick. It was a bit of a sniffle, then a cough, then watery eyes and then it kept going and going and going and then she was vomiting phlegm on my bedroom floor and it was taking everything I had not to just pack up and move away. The only thing going for her was that it happened during a coughing fit, as opposed to a gross 'proper' vomit, so my sympathy spew vibe didn't take over.

The most annoying part of The Toddler being sick is that she gets really annoying. It's like everything is a hassle, she isn't so much hot and cold as she is cold and cold, and she is in extra need of cuddles but partners that with an increased desire to lick things and put her hands on your face / in your mouth / all over your food / in your glass. It got to a point where my dad asked me who was the adult, after I complained that I couldn't always resist my urge to mock her back in her own voice when she once again whinged something at me, and my answer was that there was none - that there was a baby looking after two other babies and who on earth let it get to this. But then, after she asked to go to the doctor and we got given a script for antibiotics 'just in case', and then daycare mentioned that she had coughed all day and it would be worth giving them to her, she is finally on the mend. Yesterday was the first day in many many days that was a joy, and today proved it wasn't a fluke. I'm reminded of the last rough patch I had, just before a language explosion, and I know I need to focus on celebrating the good times and making positive interactions - I cringed when I heard The Toddler tell a crying Bubby 'Enough!', it's hard to see your flaws presented back at you for what they really are.

This was combined with The Bubby teething. Except that she didn't actually have any teeth until today - three weeks later. She had all the signs - drool, red cheeks, more drool, grabbing at her mouth, bumpy jaws - for three weeks. I am hoping she teeths similar to The Toddler, two at a time. If there a little upset or a lot upset, you can't do anything differently, but teething in twos means less instances. She is also going through a bit of a clingy phase - she cries if I leave her, then calms a little, then starts again if she sees me and realises I am not with her. As of today, she also has the cough and watery eyes of The Toddler, and The Husband is coming down with it too. With the exception of a 230 feed last night, she is also down to four feeds a day and sleeping 12 hours at night - she is still such an angel, such a delight.

It's something we're both going to need to work through as next week I have to leave her down on the floor at daycare so she starts getting used to it before she starts next year.

I have also had my ups and downs - as above, I've got to start getting my head back in to being a working mum. I had a bit of a ramble at my boss about what I liked and didn't like about work and we had a good chat and I'm a lot more excited about returning. I'm also excited about returning as a size 12 (yay!) but also settling in to the fact that this is it - there won't be any more babies to break up the next 30 years or so of my working life. So I need to work out what I want to do, and do it.

That's not so brief. I hope to be back in the swing of it now!

Physio follow up

I went back to the physio today - a follow up from the last visit where it turned out I was doing my pelvic floor exercises upside down (ie, doing the opposite of what I was supposed to be doing).

Good news, I'm no longer doing them upside down.
More good news, my pelvis was only slightly out.
More good news, I was able to lift my muscles by about one centimetre.
Even more good news, the exercise I've been doing

Bad news - my pelvic floor still isn't 'fixed'. I'm not sure how far I can push it, nor do I really want to try. We found some ways that I can do the exercises and tell that they're working, so I'm hoping there'll be a bigger improvement when I go back in a month.

Weight lost!

Well, I only lost 200g this week.

But I successfully achieved 'life time membership' with Weight Watchers!

So, as long as I stay at 2kg or less above the top of my healthy weight range, I will be able to go to meetings for free.

It's mixed emotions - It's nice to have achieved it, but I was hoping for a bigger loss this week.

That and the fact that a nanna pulled me over after the meeting by saying 'Oh! Congratulations on making it to life time membership! Although, you didn't really have that much to lose, did you?'.

Hrmph. 11.9kg down, hopefully another 3 to go!

Tummy time

It's funny how quickly you can go from feeling great about your 11.5kg weight loss to feeling flat about it, with just one sentence from your toddler:

"Is there a baby in there, mummy?"

NO.

NO THERE IS NOT.

Creeping up

Well.

It seems that my 12 or so weeks of eating well and making my habits over can be very easily undone - this last weekend cost me a gain of half a kilo at weight watchers yesterday.

Shame on me of coming so easily undone.

Healthy

As of today I am officially back within the healthy weight range.

This means with my weightwatchers efforts, if I stay at or below my current weight for the next six weeks I am eligible for lifetime membership, which means cheaper access to the tools/meetings from now on.

I've lost 9.5 kg and can't wait to lose another five or more!

The jumper

The jumper mentioned in my post at my lowest of lows was laying on the bed.

And so I tried it on and sent a pic to The Husband of me smirking in it.

His response?

"It's too big for you!".

That's a (good) change for the books.

Drop 8, drop 7

This week, I only had a loss of half a kilo.

I've been doing quite well, with a lost of 7.9kg over 8 weeks, but with The Bubby starting to increase her solids (she had a full two teaspoons of farex quite easily today), I need to adjust my eating accordingly.

Time to farewell another 7 'points' from my daily allowance - unless it affects my milk supply/means I'm not eating enough, then I'll bring them back quicker than I can drink a red-eye!

Shedding

I am now below the weight I was when I fell pregnant with The Bubby - the current 5kg block I am working off is the 5kg I kept after I fell pregnant with The Toddler.

Then, it will be the 5kg I kept after getting married.

Then we'll see where we go from there!

Of course, it didn't help to have The Toddler point to my muffin top while I was feeding The Bubby and proudly declare "Big bottom! Big bottom mummy!".

Belt up

I ducked back in to the physio today to get a pelvis belt.

Super sexy.

Not.

It's a stretchy band that I have to wear on my hips, with a padded piece at the front, where I do up the buttons on my pants. It's also really good at sucking in some of my fat, so you can see a big indent all around me.

I have to wear it all waking hours for two weeks, and then just when I'm lifting/pushing/exercising for another two weeks - it is physically pulling my two sides of my pelvis together.

I had thought that a lot of my discomfort/difficulty moving just came from being bigger than I have when not pregnant (5.5kg down, 10 to go!) but when the physio would physically push on my pelvis I could feel how much better it felt.

I really hope this is the last chapter of this...

Bang! Boom! Body!

I've been doing Weight Watchers now for a month and I've lost 4.4kg.

I feel better. I have more energy. I am cooking better meals for myself and my family. I look forward to getting out and getting to the gym (and yes, to 'letting' the husband experience an hour or so twice a week as the stay-at-home parent). I wore leggings to the gym for the first time ever. I am thinking about what goes in my mouth rather than just obsessing and craving all the 'bad' food I can get my hands on.

I'm now about the weight I was when I fell pregnant with The Bubby. Which is five more than when I fell pregnant with The Toddler. Which is another five more than my preferred weight. Which is also a few above an awesome (but not really sustainable) weight.

But, while I am back in my 'normal' size and even have a few of those falling down, my shape is nothing like it was before. My stomach is in terrible shape, and the fact that my pelvis is still (STILL!) slipping out (both forward and up/down) is a bit of a pain in the butt (and the pelvis). I don't remember being this barrelly before I fell pregnant the second time, but I could have just been in denial.

Additionally, I get an extra 14 points while The Bubby is fully exclusively breastfed. That cuts down to 7 once she starts solids. We were planning to start The Bubby on solids at exactly 4 months like we did with The Toddler, but while I know she is watching us eat, I am not sure her neck control (see the previous post!) is where it needs to be. I've got a bit over a week to think about it, but we'll see how it goes.

But it feels great to be out and healthy.

It feels great to be living like an adult.

Work it out

Last night, I went to the gym for the first time in yeaaaaaaaaaaaaars -I did an RPM class with my friend who also had a baby at the same time as The Bubby.

Because of my pelvis, I'm still not allowed to do anything which puts more weight on to one leg than the other, so I sat down for the whole class. I didn't get to the sweaty point, only really to the tired and slightly nauseous point, but I think that was due to not eating enough while rushing around trying to sort out appointments for The Bubby's hips, and the fact it was the first 'real' exercise (excluding the raining training I did before falling pregnant with The Bubby) in over four years.

It felt great to be out and doing something for me (and I've now lost 2.4 kg in two weeks on weight watchers!), and whereas I used to always find excuses to get out of going to the gym, being able to leave the house and the mess and the babies behind and do something has me looking forward to exercise for the first time in my life.

But boy is my butt sore.

Walking

The Husband and I took the girls for a walk around the lake yesterday.

I joined weightwatchers the other week, and had made a goal to walk around the lake once a week (and then I went and joined a gym - whoops).

The Husband pushed The Toddler in the stroller, and I carried The Bubby in the ergo - under the belief that I carry her around the shops all the time, so no biggie.

WRONG.

My pelvis is so sore today, I think I'm going to have to bring my physio appointment forward.

While it was great to be out and about, particularly as a family, it is not great that it hurts to stand up / sit down / move.

Wonder when I'm going to make it to the gym....?!

Sinking

My parents very kindly agreed to look after the girls for a few hours this afternoon so that The Husband and I could get out of the house together and do some exercise. We decided to go swimming because he was already doing that, I learnt how to late last year, and it's one of the three exercises I'm allowed to do because my pelvis is still (STILL!) splitting (although at the last appointment it had only split front to back, not front to back and up and down).

From there, it all went downhill.

 - Swimming' isn't really a together sport. It's not particularly social, even if you are in the same lane.

 - I wasn't even able to kick myself 12 metres (using arms and legs) before I needed to stop for air.

 - I headed down to the deep end to make sure I was comfortable with it (having never swum in water where I couldn't touch the bottom). I headed down to the bottom and realised that no, I was not comfortable with it. I couldn't touch the bottom when I was quite a bit under.

I did a total of 150m freestyle using the board in about 15 minutes with about 8 breaks before I announced to The Husband that I was bored. It was boring, my shoulder hurt, and I sucked more than I remembered. I told him to keep going and I didn't expect him to anything about it. And then I did another 75m of just my legs and the kickboard before I lost the kickboard down the deepend.

Great.

I managed to grab the lane rope and pull myself forward to get enough momentum to swim to where I could stand, and then I had to wait for the husband to swim another few laps before he bumped in to the board and realised I'd stopped. He returned it and I could feel myself losing it, so I got out and headed for the showers for a good old silent cry in the showers. Awesome.

It set off a whole bunch of feelings. There was the fact that I had to get in to swimmers in the first place (ick). The fact this was something I thought I was okay with, and I wasn't. The fact that I felt like I'd cornered my parents in to agreeing to look after the babies and it was a waste. That it was so easy for The Husband and so easy for me. That it was meant to be time we got out and spent together and it wasn't. That it was one of the few times I've been out baby free and this is how I was spending it.

Urgh.

Physio

I had a follow up with the physio yesterday, after noticing pain in my pelvis while chasing after The Toddler.

Well, it seems it was more out of line than it was when I was pregnant. One side was pushed further down and back than the other, and she seemed to think I should have been in a support belt while pregnant. I'm kind of glad she found something, as I made the appointment myself and it had started to feel better recently.

After physically manipulating the bones in my pelvis, the physio also pulled one of my legs longer and then massaged my butt. Awesome. (It wasn't awesome). Because my glute muscle was compensating for my pelvis it was REALLY tight, and I really didn't it!

She then got me to stand on one leg and lift the other - the difference was amazing! I knew it was harder to move around, but just figured it's because I'm bigger than I have been (though I've lost a little over 2kg in the last two weeks!), but it was largely because of my hip.

Annoyingly, I'm only allowed to do walking, stationary bike and/or swimming (no breaststroke) for at least the next four weeks. She has given me some core/pelvic floor exercises to do and she will reasses at the next visit.

Now I need to return the gym gear I got excited and bought, because I should hopefully be smaller by the time I can use it.

Jeans

I had to go in for anther glucose test this morning, to make sure the gestational diabetes was just gestational.

I wore a pair of non maternity jeans.

Granted, they're the biggest jeans I own, and tummy trimmers, and I'm wearing my recovery shorts, but I'm in!

Stretch

Oh man!

The baby did her usual two hourly feeds for most of today/tonight. Rather than the standard 6-8 feeds a day, she is doing more than 10/12.

But.

Last night, after feeding at 9:00 and not being settled in her bassinet until just before 11pm, she didn't wake again until 3:30am. That's 6.5 hours!

If only she had settled quicker, I would have got 5.5 hours sleep. But I'll take my 4 hours and run with them!

(Well, not run, because I've still got a lot of jelly, but I'll fast walk with it).

Bra

After last weeks debacle of a bra fitting (girl in early 20s telling me I should be one cup and one band size up from pre-pregnancy, not even looking at a measuring tape, then suggesting  a bra three sizes smaller than the one that was obviously too small for me), I took the only good bit of advise they offered me and dragged The Bubby out in the cold to a different store that specialised in giant pregnant boobs.

Only to find it closed.

Google showed me only one other store in Canberra (also one of the most expensive) stocked this particular brand, so we hauled butt across town to check it out.

The ladies were lovely, both wanting to hold The Bubby while I got fitted, clucking over her. Apparently she has my eyes and nose, and definitely my eyebrows.

I was marched to the change room and told to take off all tops but leave my bra on.

And when she came back in, she gave me a look somewhere between sad and disappointed. 'This is to very good for you. Now turn around'.

Just using her eyes, she returned with a bra that was not the brand I was initially after, but the one she said was best for me. She told me that as this is my second child, my boobs will be 'softer', so we really want to 'lift them right up there'. She had also made a comment about not messing around with me too much during the fitting, so that I didn't get too stressed (which could cause leakage) - I loved the way she just knew how breastfeeding boobs are unpredictable and pretty much have a mind of their own.

She told me I could wear my 'gross' ones at night, so that I don't ruin the new ones, and I walked out of there $120 poorer for my two Elle McPhereson crop bras (that are a completely different size to any others I've ever worn).

Sadly, I'm quite excited about wearing one tomorrow!

Shopping

Shopping - urgh.

As the baby hasn't breastfed since Sunday night, I decided it was time to hit the shops.

I bought two new pairs of jeans, in a depressing size. Although, not as depressing as I was able to get a half size. I think I'm going to need to start doing sit-ups in my spare time.

I also went bra shopping. Normally, not too depressing. This time? Yes depressing.

Pre-baby, I was a 12DD-E. During pregnancy, I bumped up to a 14E, what with the whole ribcage-expanding-to-accomodate-organs thing. Once the milk came in, 14F.

Now? 14DD-E. So the boobs are back to size, but I'm fatter.

It didn't help that the baby was cranky everytime we stopped to try something on, so people all through the shop just heard wailing coming from the ladies changerooms.

But, I have got to say, it is GREAT to be back in underwire for the first time in over a year and a half!

Mum fit

This morning, I attended my first Mumfit class. It went really well, on a few different fronts.

It was the first time in nearly three years that I was actively doing something for exercise. It started with some running (me and a friend got to take the 'easy' option along with a few older ladies), and then a circuit of six or seven different exercises, twice through.

I loved that it was ladies-only. I've been part of a ladies only gym before, but I was fitter and stronger and healthier then. I'm feeling a bit more beat up, and I'm definitely not fit or strong or particularly healthy, so I was definitely able to appreciate it more this time.

It was also the first time that the baby was left in the car of someone other than a family member.

When the class finished and I went up to collect her, she was in the arms of the carer, with a pouty tear-stained face. Once she saw me, she started to cry loudly (the carer commented on her lungs), but I think that is because it was taking me too long to put on my jumper so that I could grab her (I didn't want to sweat on her clothes!). The carer said she liked the toys that made noise, but that she got upset when one of the other kids took her toy off her.

I guess this is pretty good for her - good to be socialising with other babies, as she doesn't really 'play' a lot at mothers group. Good for her to be with someone that's not family, and not giving her all of their undivided attention. Good for her to try new things in new environments.

And when I finished the class, I was happy that I would be able to go back, even if my friend couldn't come with me.

But I do wonder if it will be harder to leave her a second time?