Sinking

My parents very kindly agreed to look after the girls for a few hours this afternoon so that The Husband and I could get out of the house together and do some exercise. We decided to go swimming because he was already doing that, I learnt how to late last year, and it's one of the three exercises I'm allowed to do because my pelvis is still (STILL!) splitting (although at the last appointment it had only split front to back, not front to back and up and down).

From there, it all went downhill.

 - Swimming' isn't really a together sport. It's not particularly social, even if you are in the same lane.

 - I wasn't even able to kick myself 12 metres (using arms and legs) before I needed to stop for air.

 - I headed down to the deep end to make sure I was comfortable with it (having never swum in water where I couldn't touch the bottom). I headed down to the bottom and realised that no, I was not comfortable with it. I couldn't touch the bottom when I was quite a bit under.

I did a total of 150m freestyle using the board in about 15 minutes with about 8 breaks before I announced to The Husband that I was bored. It was boring, my shoulder hurt, and I sucked more than I remembered. I told him to keep going and I didn't expect him to anything about it. And then I did another 75m of just my legs and the kickboard before I lost the kickboard down the deepend.

Great.

I managed to grab the lane rope and pull myself forward to get enough momentum to swim to where I could stand, and then I had to wait for the husband to swim another few laps before he bumped in to the board and realised I'd stopped. He returned it and I could feel myself losing it, so I got out and headed for the showers for a good old silent cry in the showers. Awesome.

It set off a whole bunch of feelings. There was the fact that I had to get in to swimmers in the first place (ick). The fact this was something I thought I was okay with, and I wasn't. The fact that I felt like I'd cornered my parents in to agreeing to look after the babies and it was a waste. That it was so easy for The Husband and so easy for me. That it was meant to be time we got out and spent together and it wasn't. That it was one of the few times I've been out baby free and this is how I was spending it.

Urgh.

Favourites

As a parent of one, looking at this adorable creature. Feeling a well of pride and love and amazement that you never thought possible.

As a parent of one, with one on the way. Wondering how could this second child ever be as wonderful and sweet and such a light in your life, living in the shadow of your first.

As a mother of two, when all one does is sleep, feed or smile up at you; the other is busy ripping the shit out of her room and screeching about not wanting to sleep, you cruel woman, how dare you try to help me grow and be healthy.

Lets not play favourites, okay?

Groaaaaaaaaaan

How did we go?

Putting her to bed was so horrible I had to smile. She didn't want to go to bed. She made it obvious.

The Husband did her stories and put her down. Our plan was to do what we used to do - put her down, turn off the light, walk out. If she cried, we'd go in and put her back in bed, tell her it was time for sleep and walk out. We'd check her at increasing intervals.

I was in the kitchen as he was trying to walk out - I heard her screaming, then saw her head pop around the corner of the hallway and back in. SCREAMING. She had run from the cot to the door as he turned out the light and squeezed past him.

After two minutes, I went in to resettle her. She was like a demented chucky doll, frantic and making noise like I'd never heard before. SCREAMING.

I watched on the baby monitor as she flicked on the light and then sat on her bed, continuing to screech.

Then silence. Which is almost as stressful.

She was sitting on her bed, starting at the monitor. After five minutes she flopped down and went to sleep.

"Oh. That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

***
She started crying out at 3am - "mummy? mummy cuddle? MUMMY! MUMMY CUDDLE!!! MUMMYYYYY!"

After almost half an hour, we had to put a plan in place. I went in, I told her it was time for sleep, that she sleeps in her bed, I sleep in my bed, and I'd see her in the morning. The Husband kept us going "short term pain, long term gain".

It was another half an hour before she settled back to sleep.

Then again at 5am.

And again at 6am.

When I went in at 8am she was sitting happily in her room, playing with her books on the chair.

Scarily, her mobile was on the floor, which I think she would have needed to be on the arm of the chair to reach, but we won't be putting that back up.

Groan

Well.

The Toddler ramped it up.

As soon as I got back to bed after feeding The Bubby and hitting 'publish' on that post, The Toddler was up.

And forty five minutes of of trying to settle her did NOTHING. I sat. I stood. I sat. I stood. I answered each time she whispered out "mummy?" to let her know I was still there. I started to sneak out, she started to freak out and I shut the door. I was just done. The husband came in to relieve me just after 6am and did another hour of just laying on the floor of her room while she played.

Tonight will be different.

Tick tock

I wish babies came with some sort of indicator, so that if they're going to sleep from 9-5 (last feed at 8!) you can prepare to do the same.

Clever Bubby!

No nap

The Toddler is yet to nap in her 'big girls bed'.

I have got her to spend time in it, and play quietly in there with her, but inevitably she's say 'go play?' and we'll leave the room and give up. Today, she did fall asleep while we were out shopping, so that was nice. And she did sleep until 745 yesterday - I heard banging from her room and walked in to see she had flicked on her lamp and was quietly playing with her books.

But.

We have to wait in her room with her until she is asleep.

Tonight, it was 20 minutes of sitting and standing and sitting and standing while every so often she'd call out for me to make sure I was still there. At one point I said 'mummy is going to the kitchen, okay?' To which I got a panicked 'no?!!!' in reply.

Luckily, the husband's friend pulled out of playing squash tonight, so he was home to manage a hungry Bubby.

I think we're going to have to love her and leave her to settle, and it would have been a steep learning curve for her tonight.

Wake up Jeff!

Without fail, every time I have squished and tickled The Bubby's belly and sung 'wake up Jeff!' to her, I have been shown a massive, face wide, eye crinkly grin.

My happy baby girl.

Sleeeeeep

On Saturday, after her first night in the big bed, The Toddler woke, crying and calling out for me, at 6am.

She didn't listen that it was still night time, and an hour and a half after she first woke up, The Husband came in to the room to her sitting on her bed and me laying on the floor pretending to be asleep (to encourage her).

The thing is, I didn't get to sleep until after midnight (celebrating with one of my best friends on the completion of her Phd), and The Bubby woke at 1am and 5am for a feed (she'd had expressed milk while I was out, so she dind't feed properly), so I was pooooooooped.

It's after a night like that that you realise just how well The Bubby is sleeping, and just how terrible sleep deprivation is (I don't like feeling so tired that I feel drunk/nauseous/dizzy).

Kisses

Kissing the cheek of your baby when they're hungry can trigger their reflex to turn their head towards whatever is touching their cheek.

It also feels a little like they're giving you a kiss on the cheek.

Cot to Bed

This morning while I was opening the curtains in The Toddler's room to start the day, I watched her lean over the edge of the cot and almost land on her head on the floor - luckily for all involved, I finally had one of those parent moments where you lunge toward the child rather than recoil in horror for what's about to happen, and I caught her.

So today, instead of being able to catch up with my friend for a wander around the shops, I had to rush out and buy a safety rail for her bed, remove one side of the cot, fit the rail and work out how to screw the bookshelves to the wall. In a way it was lucky that The Bubby was on another two-hourly feeding frenzy day, because her timing meant I couldn't make it out to the shops afterall, which ended up giving me just enough time to get everything done.

One of my sisters-in-law had forwarded an article months ago about a young girl that had climbed a chest of drawers in her room and pulled it down on herself. Because it landed on her, it didn't make a thud as it hit the ground and her parents had no idea. The first they found of it was when they went in to her room and saw it crushed her (one of the rungs crushed her windpipe so she didn't even call out).

So it was vital that I get the bookshelves in The Toddlers room secured before we let her in a position where her curiosity could encourage her to climb. I'd asked The Husband to do this earlier, but it never happened, so there are a few spare holes in the wall (now hidden by a sticker, the shelves and some frames) while I worked out how to do it.

Putting her to bed to bed was no issue - she saw she had a 'big bed' but didn't play on it, so I was able to put her to bed and she stayed there.

It's going to be a very interesting couple of days/weeks/months, I think.

Creating a monster

The Toddler was in no hurry to leave daycare this afternoon (after getting sad and crying for 'mummy cuddles' as I left that morning), so I told her that when we got home we would have a biscuit.

She went mad for her mini wagon wheel.

Unfortunately / adorably, now she points to the fridge and says 'more cholocolate?'.

Whoops.

Crooked smiles

When The Bubby smiles, she smiles like a friend of mine, first one side (her right) and then the other.

Of course, he smiles that way because he was punched in the head once and sustained some nerve damage (I shouldn't need to clarify that this has not happened to the baby), but it super adorable.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

1am, 4am, 6am, 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, (1 hr car ride because seriously, stop feeding and sleep please!), 8pm, 10pm.....

4am, 7am, 9am, 12pm, 1pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, 7pm, 8pm, 930pm...

3am.

Yesterday was hopefully the end of a wonder week, so lets hope this feeding frenzy wraps up.

Note

Impatient mummy needs to remember that patting the bassinet only works occasionally, patting the baby and swaying in the dark to music works almost always.

Downsize

For both feeds tonight, The Bubby has done only one side per feed.

Which is great for time saving if we'd agreed on it ahead of time, rather than me spending 10 minutes trying to force a boob in to the mouth of a baby that just wants to coo, smile, then gradually slip off to sleep in my arms.

Babying the baby

Apparently, I'm babying the baby.

If this is even true, I don't see much of s problem - I'm pretty sure a nine week old is still very much a baby...

Movies

Today, The Bubby and I went to the movies with my friend and her bubby.

While it was a little louder than I would have liked, it went fine! The Bubby slept through most of it, apart from when she did half a feed 3/4 of the way through. 

I feel a little guilty that The Toddler still hasn't been, but I'd prefer that she be old enough to enjoy it (and sit still!). I was terrified of the dark the first time I went,most I'd also like to make sure that doesn't happen to her as well.

Saline

The Bubby has picked up a cold.

The doctor said that it shouldn't be as bad as The Toddler or I would be, because she should be getting my anitbodies. At the moment she has a sad little cough, chest congestion (it sounds like she needs to cough up milk) and a snuffly nose. She doesn't have a temperature and her chest is clear, so she just needs to be kept warm and plenty of fluids.

We went to dinner with the inlaws last night and she was relatively settled and didn't cluster feed (which leads me to believe she is comfort feeding rather than hungry feeding). I fed her at around 9:30 after we got home and got The Toddler to bed. Then she woke at 1:30 for a feed (unusual, but she hadn't had those cluster feeds). Then at 3 she woke up screaming, but settled in less than a minute of me rocking the bassinet. And then at 4 the humidifier set off the smoke alarm (twice, once when it was on the dressing table with the batter still in).

But I gotta say, she was cranky at 1am. A tired, congested, hungry, gassy baby doesn't want to have saline squirted up her nose at 1am. But she's hungry because she's a baby and didn't cluster feed because she was tired, she's gassy because she's congested and hungry and not feeding properly, and she's tired because she's gassy and congested. It's a terrible little circle of life.

Family

In the last few weeks, two of my brothers have received excellent news in relation to their careers (my third brother has been very successful in his job for a number of years now, and continues to do so).

It got me to thinking about how proud I am of my siblings, and how much I appreciate the closeness. But, the three of them have an additional closeness, they do a lot more things together.

I hope my girls can share this. I know there are going to be times (hopefully not too many) where they fight like cats in a sack, but I hope they are able to come out of it as the best of friends, and that we can stay as close as a family as we are.

Home alone

The Husband has gone away for work from this morning until Friday night.

I was freaked that it was going to be ridiculous,but so far so good. The Husband is usually hone late on a Tuesday anyway, so today wasn't too different. We went tumbling this morning, then after some cheeky McDonalds for lunch, we went to the zoo.

Tomorrow we'll go shopping for sone birthday and baby showers, with a cookie for The Toddler n the pram to keep her entertained, then some cooking dessert for dinner with the inlaws. 

I think we'll be fine.

Unebelievable

I thought I was well rested yesterday.

Last night, after more hourly feeding, the baby slept from 10:30 until almost 6am. Then, from a bit after 6 until almost 10am.

We didn't get our first sleep like that from The Toddler until she was more than three months old.

Amazing.

Rested

The bubby cluster fed last night - 5:30, 6:30, 7:30 and a top up at 9:00.

I got her close to sleep in our bed with me, watching tv on the ABC app on my iPad while jiggling her in my arms next to me.

She slept from 10:30 until 3:00, and 4:00 until 8:30.

Just lovely.

10 per cent

Before we got The Toddler diagnosed as being officially sick, I'd made comment to The Husband that I was only enjoying my days 10% of the time.

That's 6 minutes in every hour that didn't feel like a struggle, pushing through with the toddler.

I had my first day yesterday since The Bubby was born, where I did nothing. I dropped The Toddler at daycare and napped. I made appointments, caught up on some tv, tidied up a bit and basically schlepped around in my trackpants, doing what I wanted as I wanted.

I needed it.

It's hard to articulate to The Husband, but being at home you do feel like you're left behind a lot. Obviously, I know going to work isn't 'fun'. But I've had moments where I've thought about how lovely it would to be in nice clothes, in the warm, talking to adults, sitting at desk using both hands.

In a week, The Husband is often at work from 8:30 until around 7pm. He plays squash for an extra hour or so one night a week. He runs twice a week to family tea. Some days he rides to and from work meaning he is gone before 7. He goes for a swim once or twice most weeks.

And this is all time where I'm one person for two people.

And it's hard to articulate to others what it's like. One of my brothers commented the other day that he didn't realise how much babies can stuff up your tv watching schedule. It's the small things that you don't think you'll miss out on that you do. Like being able to sit on the couch all weekend and tweet about the hottest 100. Or catch up with friends for coffee and cake without having to spend the hour before it trying to feed a baby whose not ready to feed yet. Or vaccuum the floor. Or go on a holiday with friends for a weekend because your baby won't be weaned for some time yet.

Under the weather

We may have found a reason for The Toddlers extreme toddler-ness.

She's had a cough for almost two weeks now - one of the casualties of going to daycare. On the phone to The Husband on Wednesday, he mentioned how she had coughed a lot all through the night and we decided to take her to the doctor, rather than be one of those parents who don't take their child's health seriously soon enough and then rock up with a child with pneumonia.

She has a middle ear infection and bronchitis.

Whoops.

The antibiotics seem to be helping (and she loves taking them!), and I'm so relieved that's making a return to her lovely (albeit cheeky and stubborn) self.

Hips

The Bubbys hips are good.

Thank Gawd.

It wasn't until I was lunching with a friend afterwards that I realised how unprepared I was for a bad result.

She'll go back for another ultrasound at five months to double check that it continues to grow normally, but it had 61% coverage as at last week.

So relieved to have dodged this bullet.

Stretching, stretching

Last night The Bubby slept from 10pm until almost 4am, so I got five hours straight sleep.

(She didn't fall asleep until I cracked if after looking after both girls for 12 hours in a day full of tantrums, then scarfed down dinner while The Husband held The Bubby, then fed her for 45 minutes and had to pass her back after 15 minutes of swaying before my back gave in - she was asleep less than a minute after going to The Husband).

It did feel good. But I want more. MORE!!!

Dizzy doozy

For me, it seems that the feeling of wishing I could just go through my days at home slightly tipsy is a recurrent one (don't fear, I'm not!).

That said, it's because of The Toddler, not The Bubby.

At the moment, they seem to be tag teaming, with The Bubby being super sweet and pretty easy (at least until The Toddler is in bed), while The Toddle is dealing with a cold and slowly dropping her nap and being almost two and collecting reasons to tantrum like she is playing some kind of evil toddler bingo.

Of course, The Bubby will likely start going through this just as The Toddler grows out of it.

Smiles

I definitely got smiles today, and I got them on camera.

The Bubby is so adorable - she pauses and the smile slowly creeps over her face, her giant cheeks dimpling and her eyes crinkling just like mine.

She looks like me and it brings tears to my eyes each time.

Bottles

Last night, I headed out to a dear friends engagement party.

In typical style, being my first real outing away from The Bubby, I almost didn't make it as The Bubby started some cluster feeding and being unsettled, and then I couldn't find my wallet and thought it was stolen, then couldn't fine appropriate shoes because gawddamn it seems I'm not ready to wear heels again yet.

It was sooooo nice to be out with adults - I came home with a sore throat from talking non stop for four hours.

And The Bubby? She was fine. She was unsettled and drank from the bottle from 9pm until midnight (she fell asleep just before I got home), and The Husband said it was hard, but not impossible.

I'm so excited that at 7 weeks I've been able to get out and we've handled it fine (unlike the first time we tried to head out when The Toddler was a baby) - I should be able to do it more often, earlier now.

To top it off, she slept until 5:30!

Check ups

The Bubby had her hips ulstrasound yesterday to check for hip dysplasia. I'm not sure how to feel about it - the lady conducting the scan commented that they were a bit small, but this could be because she is not yet 6 weeks old according to her due date (although she was exactly seven weeks old from her actual birth date). She did also comment 'perfect!' - but this could have been in relation to finally getting a clear picture of one of her hips (she was not as well behaved while being scanned as The Toddler was).

The follow up appointment with the pediatrician is next week, less than one week to go...