Meet up

Today I travelled to Sydney and back to visit with some of the ladies from one of my online mothers group.

I am so lucky to have found/be found by such a remarkable group of women - it was worth the 6+ hours of driving for The Toddler and The Bubby to meet and greet their friends (friends they don't even realise they have).

The only really stressful moment being when a policecar pulled up behind me as I just finished feeding The Bubby. I had tried to stop at a rest stop but there was no shade, so I had pulled over on the right side of the highway, and seemingly on a slight bend - whoops. Luckily, he didn't (couldn't?) book me for anything, so he just told me to pull over to the left lane as soon as I could when I could, and he flashed the lights to signal when I should do so.

I also discovered that rather than just distracting The Toddler from hours of whinging 'mummy cuddles?!' at me, rubbing her foot while driving actually seems to relax her!

Taste of freedom

I went dragon boating yesterday for the first time.

I loved it.

I got up when The Toddler did at 630, fed The Bubby, got dressed and out the door.

I returned just after 10am to a house in a bit of chaos - The Toddler was 'helping' The Husband make pikelets and she emptied the full litre of milk in to the bowl while he was tending to The Bubby.

But, it didn't phase me - I was on too much of a high from my time out being me, with other grownups, doing something that I seemed to be okay at (for my first time).

Then last night, out to dinner for one of my bestie's birthdays.

I am so lucky that The Bubby got herself in to a routine, and that The Toddler is so consistent, that I was able to time it out with The Bubby's last feed just before I had to leave the house while The Husband was reading to The Toddler.

I had no worries about heading out and enjoying myself, fairly confident that The Bubby wouldn't wake until (well) after I was home.

Apart from the fact I seem to be benefiting from my 930 bedtime more than I realised!

Creeping up

Well.

It seems that my 12 or so weeks of eating well and making my habits over can be very easily undone - this last weekend cost me a gain of half a kilo at weight watchers yesterday.

Shame on me of coming so easily undone.

Courses for horses

I mentioned to the ladies at daycare this morning that I was going to the parenting course I mentioned the other day.

The director said she thought it was so funny to hear me say that about The Toddler, because she is so lovely.

And it's true, she is. And I know for a fact that she is 'better' than a lot of other toddlers I know. And there are so many sweet and funny moments I share with her - yesterday we were at the park and she was laying on the circle swing asking to be pushed higher and higher. She was sleepy (she fell asleep in the car in the morning for 30 minutes and declined a nap in her bed in the afternoon) and she was so peaceful laying there, watching me as I pushed her. And I got a glimpse of how exciting life is going to be as she grows older, as she becomes a complete person who can communicate and think and express and enjoy and share.

I am going for me.

I am going because I need learn how to be okay with everything, to chill out and roll with the punches and get over myself. Being a parent doesn't need to be some ridiculous drama, it should just be.

Duct

I think I experience my first blocked duct yesterday.

For the first time in a long time, I woke up with one boob feeling really 'full'.

It's a timely reminder of exactly why I don't want to be pumping for The Bubby when I return to work - if she is still on day feeds, we will be transitioning them to formula feeds (I'm happy to do morning and evening feeds with her).

I fed her off that side first and then pumped afterwards - I got 100ml or so out, but it didn't feel right still.

After two more feeds, and before we headed out, I headed to the ensuite to try to manually get some more out - the pump doesn't feel as 'strong' as I would like, so figured I could take a few minutes and try to sort it out myself.

I put pressure where it was uncomfortable and had only done two or three 'expressing's when I felt/heard a 'pop!' and then watched as milk just streamed. I only had my hand on the sore spot, and it was going by itself for over a minute (I started counting the seconds because I couldn't believe what was happening!) - I could also feel the sore spot deflating.

It got to the point where I was a bit worried I'd hit something else - it didn't look milk coloured as it was coming out - who knows what I thought it could have been.

Luckily, that seemed to be it. I was a bit worried because I have a touch of the head cold that The Toddler brought home from daycare, and a headache, and I know that mastitis starts off feeling like a cold that rapidly disintegrates. But The Bubby slept from 930-730 (for the first time in a loooooooong time) and I woke up feeling no worse than I did last time.

I hope that's the closest I ever come to it.

Nuggets

The Bubby has been doing tiny little poops. Seemingly always as or just after I changed her nappy.

It reached a ridiculous new point today when I changed her nappy mid feed and found a little nugget. Then, half way through the second side she grunted again and I found another nugget.

Changing her, the nappy was clean apart from the nugget - so, resourceful me lifted it away with a baby wipe, just to see another coming. We waited it out and repeated. Then another.

In awesome timing, The Toddler came running into the room and scared it away, so I waited with her nappy off and turned away to get a tshirt for The Toddler, keeping an eye on her for the slightest sign of movement/rolling off the table (yes. Must not do this).

Well.

In the reflection of the mirror, I kid you nod, a turd the length of my hand made it appearance.

That explains the grunting of the past few days.

(Luckily, it was a clean one!)

Toast

Trying to get The Bubby on to three meals a day is proving harder than expected.

Not because she's not in to it (she's totally in to it), but managing the timing between breastfeeds and naps, and The Toddler and getting out of the house occassionally.

To try and get her in to a more reaslitic pattern and away from just puree, The Bubby had toast for lunch.

And she loved it (just like The Toddler did)!

Although she was more enthusiastic than she was accurate - there was a lot of gumming and sucking but a lot of the time the toast was next to her mouth.

She's growing up!

Petting Zoo

Today, Pa and I took the two girls to Floriade. It was a beautiful day (24 degrees!! Tshirts!!!) and I love getting out to Floriade each year (although I don't seem to spend much time looking at the flowers).

I took The Toddler through the petting zoo, which she loved. She was so gentle and there was minimal of chasing after animals - she especially loved the ducks and the chickens (thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to buying chickens for our house!) and was only scared of the calf (admittedly, I was a little scared of it too).

So, of course, she didn't want to leave.

In my typical style, I used the bartering card of 'ice cream' - I'd been telling her if she was good in the stroller we could see the animals and then get an ice cream. Ice cream wasn't enough.

Luckilly, one of the staff had a little bunny that she used to pied piper The Toddler out of the animal area to the waiting pen, so it was easier to drag her back to her stroller - where she promptly gave us a good demonstration of her planking skills (making it impossible to clip her in to the stroller).

I was so glad to have dad there, who was able to (as he put it) 'use his 1980's voice' to get Eva in to the stroller.

We whinged our way to the ice cream stall where I pointed at the gaytime (seriously, what happened to paddlepops?!), and where she pointed to the magnum instead. Even though I insisted that my parents never bought me a magnum, The Toddler won.

I'm such a sucker!

Long weekend.

This post is being brought to you by a dinner of smoked salmon and brie, and a vodka.

I had a long weekend.

The Husband was interestate on an adventure race - nothing against him in the slightest, I would want the same opportunities/allowances if/when I wanted them. Plus I was encouraging him to do it.

However, The Toddler was coming down with a head cold, and The Bubby is snotty now too, and I've got a mild strain.

We have plenty of experience with how much harder The Toddler is when she is coming down with something or sick. She is normally very busy, but when she is on the path to unwell she is just that much harder. Plus she is totally flexing her muscles at being two, is going through some crazy love/hate thing with me being home where she is both joined to me at the hip but also seemingly quicker to get angry/cranky/frustrated with me. She has continued to wake before 6:30am, even though we have bought the Gro-clock (it changes from a picture of a star to a moon at 6:30 which is meant to be her cue that she is now allowed out of her room). Her coughing has meant her naps/sleep have been interupted a lot (coughing every 10 minutes or so).

She has started pulling a face at me which is a glare - if you pull it back at her she laughs, but I find it very hard to get to that point. I don't know why I find it so hard.

I found myself at times working really hard not to say what I really felt.

Both parents commented that I should be kinder and that I was struggling.

My mother in law came past to visit at dinner time just to help out, unprompted.

I have enrolled in a parenting workshop later this month, titled 'Small changes, Big differences'. It's meant to offer strategies to help life at home run more smoothly, with less fuss and more fun and engagement with kids. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but The Bubby being 2 years younger than The Toddler, I don't want to still be here/be back here in two years time.

There's no point to this, just a ramble.

I would love a do-over, but I wonder if I could do it any differently.

Retrospect

After dropping The Toddler at daycare I was sitting on the bed. The Bubby was laying on top of the doona, napping. I was dressed and the house was tidy. I was surfing the internet and listening to music and it wasn't even 9am.

I commented to The Husband that I wished I realised that it could have been like this with just one. That it didn't have to be as hard as I felt / made it out to be.

It's kind of unfair that you don't realise how 'easy' something is until you're going through something 'harder'. And it must suck for the first time parents who are working through raising their baby and seeing others with two or more having minimal issues with their youngest.

Poops

Even though I know there is no gonig back for us, there are still a few things being ticked off that I won't be seeing again.

Size 0000 and 000 clothes. She is quickly moving out of being bought clothes from the baby section.

Newborn and infant nappies. We're up to crawlers, which are also easily confused with The Toddlers when they're floating around the nappy bag.

3 hourly feeds. She is much easier able to go 3.5-4 hours before she wants a feed, and I find myself still trying to get her to feed at 3 hours so I can schedule my day easier (naughty mummy).

Baby poops. Gone. She is now squeaking out tiny little tablespoon pasty poops, no more (knock wood!) squirty loud escaping satay nappy fillers.

Though I am a bit conflicted because they totally stink like real poop...!

Cluckity cluck

We met up this morning for work mothers group - our latest addition is a gorgeous baby boy, not yet three weeks old.

It was so sweet to see him and to see the other mummy's cluck over him. It was especially touching to see one of my friends potentially questioning whether or not she wanted more babies, when no other baby had done that for her.

It was also nice for me to see how I felt. He is super cute. He makes little squeaky noises and he sleeps and he has gorgeous little hair and hands and eyelashes. But there was not one little part of me that wanted to return to that time - it's only been five months, but The Bubby has grown a lot more in that time and I have zero urge to go backwards, let alone be pregnant.

I am definitely done.

Rolling

It happened! The Bubby rolled! And I missed it!!!

I was filling up The Toddlers water bottle (more correctly, facilitating her do it herself because that's how she wants it, thank you very much) and came back in to the dining room to find her on her belly.

And then, when changing The Todlers nappy, I came back to find she'd done it again.

It has encouraged me two ways - I must have let her play on the ground enough to work it out, and I will continue to let her play on the ground to keep working it out.

Doors

The Toddler can now open doors.

Yesterday, while she was meant to be napping, she walked out to where I was on the couch with The Bubby and proudly declared "Oh! How lovely to see you again!" before I escorted her back to her room.

I thought it was just a one off until last night when it took close to 20 attempts for her to stay in her room - she has various delay tactics, the main ones being calling for 'mummy cuddles' (I gave in to that one at about attempt 8 but it wasn't enough to keep her in bed) or 'tuck in' (also didn't work).

I was glad I had watched quite a few of those Supernanny episodes and knew all you had to do was keep putting them back in without talking until they got the idea.

I indicated to The Husband that we could buy lever door handles and flip them so that the handle needs to be lifted up, but we agreed it would just be delaying the inevitable.

Movie

Today I stopped past my parents house to avoid going stir crazy with the girls while The Husband got ready for his adventure race next weekend.

I popped out to get some bread, salmon and brie (and another redeye!) and we sat down to try to watch a movie with The Toddler - her first.

Mum put on The Little Mermaid (one of her favourite movies) and The Toddler watched bits here and there. She's still a way off being able to concentrate for the full time, so it was a good test to determine how long it will be until I can take her to a movie theatre (another year or two, I'd say!).

Healthy

As of today I am officially back within the healthy weight range.

This means with my weightwatchers efforts, if I stay at or below my current weight for the next six weeks I am eligible for lifetime membership, which means cheaper access to the tools/meetings from now on.

I've lost 9.5 kg and can't wait to lose another five or more!

Early to bed

The Bubby and The Toddler have been doing well on the rough routine we have going.

However, last night she had a nap after her last meal at 5:30, and was still asleep in bed when I got home from the gym at 7:30.

I ummed and ahh-ed about whether to wake her up and figured against it, on the basis that if I did wake and feed her it wasn't actually any kind of guarantee that she would then continue to sleep or sleep longer.

And in fact, she slept from just before 6pm until 4am.

Although, I did stir a few times before that, worried that she was caught up in her clothes (she was wearing a hoody jumper and wasn't in her sleeping bag).

If only it hadn't taken 90 minutes for me to get back to sleep, I would have been very well rested!

The jumper

The jumper mentioned in my post at my lowest of lows was laying on the bed.

And so I tried it on and sent a pic to The Husband of me smirking in it.

His response?

"It's too big for you!".

That's a (good) change for the books.

Wild Things

The Toddler has a book "Daddies are for wild things" that I bought The Husband for his first Fathers Day.

While reading it, I left the end off each sentence for The Toddler to finish.

I don't think I've ever heard anything more adorable than her saying things like "changing lightbulbs!", "making tidal waves" and "tickling me!".

She is growing up in so many leaps and bounds.

Learning

Today, I read an even better quote:

One day she made the conscious choice to shift her focus from 

"What was I thinking" 

to 

"What did I learn?"

Only then was she able to turn her regrets in to lessons,

and a sea of calm gave her life brightness and hope.

It doesn't do me or my daughters or my husband or my friends or my family any good for me to mope about actions I've taken or the way things have turned out.

I need to look at a situation, work out what I could do differently if needed/preferred/necessary, and learn from it.

Golden Sunday

I was ready to go to bed at 6pm last night, but the whole 'Toddler needs dinner / a bath / to be put to bed" and The Bubby needed to be fed. So I cooked a quick meal for everyone at once, did the bedtime routine with The Husband's help and found myself in bed at 8pm.

I watched some tv on the iPad, figuring I'd be in bed for an hour or two before falling asleep, but found myself jerking awake 10 minutes in to watching.

I was asleep before 830.

I woke briefly at 11 when The Husband came in to put the dog out, but then I didn't wake again until 5:30 when I double checked that The Bubby's baby monitor was working.

NINE HOURS SLEEP.

It is the best night's sleep I've had in like a year AND probably the highlight of my year.

It's amazing how good I have felt all day after this!

Three times a lady

Friday night.

Feed at 8pm.

Feed at midnight.

Feed at 3am.

Feed at 6am then up with The Toddler while The Husband goes mountain biking.

URGH.

No wonder I'm so tired, that's exactly what it's like with a newborn!

After the Wonder Week

For The Bubby's first night in her cot, she woke at 3am and 6am. Not too bad, but of course, not awesome.

Last night, she stirred at 1am, but I went back to sleep without her getting noisier. Again at 3am, at which point I got up to go to the bathroom, and then she was back asleep.

Then again at 5.20am. Which is awesome.

Had she been in my room, I would have got up and tried to feed her all three times, but I was able to settle back to sleep quite easily.

I checked the Wonder Weeks application, and the dates indicate it was her first night out of the four month (five week long) sleep regression.

Although it is a little sad to see my little baby all asleep just fine without me in her big cot, in her own room, it is twice as nice to see her big moon smile when I go in to feed her in the mornings!

Quotes

This quote came up on my facebook today:

The lash of the tongue on the heart of a child can have devastating and lasting consequences. Choose your words wisely to sow words of peace, words that build, words that show respect and belief and support. These are seeds of a future filled with hope.

It's a reminder to act like the grown-up.

Like in that split second after The Toddler knocks a full litre of water on to the floor and you have the time to decide whether to just clean it or to stamp your feet on the spot and yell 'no no nononononononnooooooooooo!' (at the day, not at the child!) like a baby, it's best to be the adult.

At least I got it out of my system.

Eviction

Must like with The Toddler, The Bubby pushed her luck just a few too many times last night - she woke at 1.30am for a feed, 4am for half a feed, 5am with a tummyache, 530am with farts and 6am for a cuddle (with The Toddler making her grand entrance shortly before 6.30am).

Today, she commenced sleeping in the cot in her own room.

I'm of the line of thinking that not having her in the room will stop me jumping up to her when she's not necessarily hungry/in need and she will learn to sleep better.

Either way, we'll see how it goes tonight.

Waking

With a few days of additional wakeups (1am! No thanks!) we gave The Bubby two solids feeds last night.

Good news - no 1am wakeup!
Bad news - 11pm wakeup!
Good news - slept through until 5am wake up!

11pm sounds great, but it's rough when you've fallen asleep half an hour earlier, in an effort to get a good chunk of sleep before a wake up.

Of course, it's rougher on The Husband who I made get up at 630 (as I'd only just gotten back to sleep after the 5am sleep and have been up to The Toddler 9 mornings in a row) and then found out he'd only gotten to sleep at 2am. But that's his fault. I definitely enjoyed my extra 90 minutes of sleep!

Poop face

There are few things more adorable and dread-filling than an infant staring at you, glassy eyed, as she groan-purrs in preparation for a real nappy filler...

Coast trip - there we go

Done.

And it wasn't so bad...

For The Toddler, she was very well behaved. Not one tantrum and she loved her Granny!

But there was a lot of stress. Like when she was forcing Pa's DVD player closed. When she would continually ask for Peppa Pig and then not watch it. When she broke the coffee table. When she kept picking the flowers. When she kept putting crumbs and toys all over the floor. When she put buttery fingerprints all over the glass door. When she spilt milkshake all over the floor/table/seat cushion. When she wouldn't go to bed. When she finally went to bed at 9, took until 930 to fall asleep and then woke up at 630. When she came in to my bed with The Husband at 7, climbed all over me for an hour then heard Granny get out of bed and forced me to hang out in my pyjamas for another two hours while The Husband and The Bubby got to sleep more.

But, again, she loved her Granny and her Granny loved having her there.

And I love her profiteroles!!!!