Wednesday 31 July 2013

Thar she goes

Last night, The Bubby got both hungry AND overtired while The Toddler was going through her bedtime routine (dinner at 6, bath or a shower, nudie run around the loungeroom, three stories, stars on, lamp off, goodnight). I fed one side while watching The Toddler, but when I took The Bubby in to her room to change her (she smelt poopy) The Toddler wouldn't sing so that I could hear her (and instead went quiet and picked at her eczma on her back and it started to bleed), so we abandoned that and continued with nudie run etc while The Bubby was screechy in her rocking chair.

I zipped The Bubby in to her sleeping bag (it's always at least 2 degrees colder in our room than the family room where the heating sensor is) fed the other side in the dark and put her in the bassinet, still screechy. I decided to film it so I could have a record of how quickly she settles - by the time I tucked one blanket over her, got the iPad from the bedside table and turned it to video to record the noise, she had gone from screaming to asleep.

We are really, really, really lucky.

Tuesday 30 July 2013

Sunny Days

We've started a mothers group with ladies from work - there areseven of us that have had babies within about 6 months.

This morning was my day to host.

And it was lovely!

It reminded me of the early days with The Toddler, when it was quite often the one day I would leave the house, the one day I'd put on jeans instead of trackpants, the one day I could talk face to face with others about being tired, or where my baby was up to, or was what she was doing normal. As The Toddlers group started about a month or so later than we have this time, it also reminds me of the weather getting warmer - happy memories of sitting around without having to be rugged up, sunny loungerooms and Cadbury marvellous creations chocolate.

Just lovely.

Monday 29 July 2013

Thumbs

While The Toddler was never in to thumb sucking, The Babby totally is (as was her aunty!).

It is so nice to see that you can put her in the bassinet when she's tired, and there is less than five seconds whinge while she works out to turn her head to one side and just pop it in (usually with her fingers over her nose and eyes).

Lets just hope it doesn't cause too many issues when she's older!

Sunday 28 July 2013

Cold

There is nothing sadder than a tired and sick baby croaking out for a feed at 4am.

Made sadder because they fed at 1am and I am bone achingly tired trying to recover from this cold, but still pretty freaking sad to hear.

Saturday 27 July 2013

The twist

I find myself wondering - because The Bubby is such an easy, happy, contented baby.... does this mean something horrible is going to happen?

It's morbid, but it does seem like it's going too well to be real.

Friday 26 July 2013

Routines

The Bubby has guided us in to a routine of her own.

Her last feed seems to be around 5 or 6 (depending on how the day has gone) and it's her fifth or sixth feed of the day. I have her in her seat while I get The Toddler's dinner ready, and she's usually asleep (or well on her way) once it's time for The Toddlers bath.

Then she sleeps through until anywhere between 3 and 6am, usually with another two or three hours of sleep after that.

She's also ready to nap an hour or so after her feed, so she does spend a lot of time asleep. I feel bad putting her into her bassinet at her first tired signs (usually going to town on her hands/fingers/thumbs) but 9 times out of 10 she selfsettles herself to sleep within two minutes, with not much of a fuss at all.

She was a bit upset some of her awake time today, but that seemed to be because she is snuffly - I have a cold, and it's like a final injustice for breastfeeding mums that there is nothing you can take (apart from panadol) to help recover. And sleep is inevitably hard to grab with a baby.

Thursday 25 July 2013

Toys

I've been trying to put The Bubby down on the floor more.

I know I had a similar issue with The Toddler when she was a baby, it was always easier/nicer to just sit with her on you, or to put her in the seat (when she would handle it) - I feel like a bully plonking them down on the floor.

But today while on the mat (after I misjuggled putting her on a thicker blanket to keep warm and bonked her head on the floorboard), The Bubby reached up and starting batting at the toys hanging above her.

Milestone reached!

Wednesday 24 July 2013

Tickles and laughs

Again, The Husband is really good at being able to get laughs out of both girls - they both laugh for him in a way I can't get them to repeat.

The Toddlers laugh with him is so joyful - she couldn't possibly sound any happier.

The Bubby's laugh is adorable - like one of those toys you shake that makes a chuckle and a long noise.

Just lovely.

Tuesday 23 July 2013

Hip check

Today we drove up to Sydney for our appointment with the hip specialist.

The Bubby's hips could not be more perfect. He even told us not to get the five month 'just in case' xray we had booked because they are completely fine.

It was such a relief.

And also funny when she farted on him while he was checking her legs.

The Toddler's hips have also slightly improved. He showed her acetabular angles as 30 and 35 last time, now both are 30. He said if we need to have the operation there is no difference between doing it now or in one year or two years so we might as well wait to see if there is any improvement.

He said her inturned feet comes from her thighs and from her calves. Often the thigh flexibility will resolve itself with age. As she didn't like being examined, he said that he would see how she is going next time as to whether we look at the boots and bar.

And he doesn't want to see us for another 12 months (rather than six).

Overall, it went as well as it could have.

And it is just such a relief that things aren't any worse.

Monday 22 July 2013

Homeshop

Getting your groceries delivered to your door is so convenient. And easy. And it saves us money because I don't spend more on buying things that I feel like eating / look good / are on special.

I love homeshop.

Except when it still hasn't arrived more than an hour after the window closes (two hours after the time you were told over the phone) and you're left juggling an overtired and hungry newborn and overtired and hungry toddler, past their bedtime, only to rush them out the door and arrive more than half an hour late to a birthday dinner.

Then it's a pain in the ass.

Sunday 21 July 2013

Twelve hours

5pm - feed The Bubby and put her to bed as she is looking tired.

9pm - The Bubby is stirring, will have a shower so I'm ready to feed her then sleep once she is done. She settles.

11pm - The Bubby is still stirring, will get some quick shuteye before she wakes me. She settles.

2am - The Husband is in bed after playing games at a friends house then watching TV. She is still settled.

330am - The Bubby is shifting. Go to the bathroom so that I am able to feed her without having to put her on the floor between sides while I dash to the loo. She settles.

430am - The Bubby is squiggling around. Can't wait any longer or my boobs are going to explode. Luckilly she feeds both sides (quite often does only one) and we're able to get back to sleep with minimal fuss (although, she spend a good 10 minutes deciding whether or not she'd do the second side - so annoying that you can't bargain with/hurry a three month old).

That's almost 12 hours between feeds!

I wonder what it will be like when she's in her own room and we don't hear her shifting around on her plastic bassinet mattress?

Saturday 20 July 2013

Party time

Yesterday, one of my best friends celebrated the end of her Phd and graduation.

I brought The Bubby along and we arrived at the ceremony just in time to hear her name be called - it was a really special moment, and The Bubby was so well behaved.

I also got to go out last night.

Man, there ain't no party like a mummy-that's-baby-free party!

Of course, in typical style, I stopped after a few drinks for fear of getting too sloppy, and that was me for the night. Then I felt my let down come in, realised if I stopped drinking then I would be able to feed her as normal in the middle of the night, and thought about how terrible my day would be with a hangover and so I headed home.

Kind of ironically, it was in the same place and for the same friend as my last 'first big night out' after The Toddler was born. I'm so lucky that The Bubby is so cruisy and is able to let me go out and not feeling/looking like absolute crap after only a few months.

(the poop started it's arrival at 4am this morning, and has made a few appearances (and a massive painful cry) during the day. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.)

Friday 19 July 2013

Work it out

Last night, I went to the gym for the first time in yeaaaaaaaaaaaaars -I did an RPM class with my friend who also had a baby at the same time as The Bubby.

Because of my pelvis, I'm still not allowed to do anything which puts more weight on to one leg than the other, so I sat down for the whole class. I didn't get to the sweaty point, only really to the tired and slightly nauseous point, but I think that was due to not eating enough while rushing around trying to sort out appointments for The Bubby's hips, and the fact it was the first 'real' exercise (excluding the raining training I did before falling pregnant with The Bubby) in over four years.

It felt great to be out and doing something for me (and I've now lost 2.4 kg in two weeks on weight watchers!), and whereas I used to always find excuses to get out of going to the gym, being able to leave the house and the mess and the babies behind and do something has me looking forward to exercise for the first time in my life.

But boy is my butt sore.

Thursday 18 July 2013

Hips

The Toddler: The Toddler's hip angles came back at 31.7 and 33. Neither of those are below the 28 degrees that is the upper limit for healthy at birth. Neither of these are below the 20 degrees that they should be at the age of 2 if healthy. The angles have hardly changed.

The Bubby: Saw the MACH nurse today because I was tired of people telling me she was small or petite. She is in fact on the 50th percentile for height and head circumference, and 75th percentile for weight (so she is heavy!). The nurse also pointed out that her hip folds do not match up exactly. So now she has been booked in to see the specialist in Sydney at the same time as The Toddler. I hope it is nothing.

Wednesday 17 July 2013

Poop freeze

The Bubby's last poop was at 4am yesterday.

Heaven help us when it arrives...

Tuesday 16 July 2013

Xray time

The Toddler had her 6 monthly xray today. We don't get the results for another few days and the wait is killing me.

For the first time today I sat down and wrote down was results we'd had in previous xrays:  Left hip 32, 30 and 30; Right hip 34, 30 and 37. She needs it to be 20 or below now that she is 2 for it to be normal.

I do not have high hopes.

I do wonder if there was not more we could have done when she was younger - it doesn't help that the doctor we were seeing (before finally getting referred to Sydney) currently has nine malpractice suites against him.

Monday 15 July 2013

"Hello Beautiful"

Yesterday, I moved the bassinet in to The Toddlers room so The Husband could have his sleep in without the snuffling of The Bubby.

The Toddler came with me to get The Bubby out of bed so we could feed her before heading out to the markets.

"Awake!" she said with a smile, as we walked in to the room to pick her up.

And then:

"Hello beautiful", with a soft touch to her leg as I carried her out.

My goodness.

Sunday 14 July 2013

Walking

The Husband and I took the girls for a walk around the lake yesterday.

I joined weightwatchers the other week, and had made a goal to walk around the lake once a week (and then I went and joined a gym - whoops).

The Husband pushed The Toddler in the stroller, and I carried The Bubby in the ergo - under the belief that I carry her around the shops all the time, so no biggie.

WRONG.

My pelvis is so sore today, I think I'm going to have to bring my physio appointment forward.

While it was great to be out and about, particularly as a family, it is not great that it hurts to stand up / sit down / move.

Wonder when I'm going to make it to the gym....?!

Saturday 13 July 2013

Gracie's holiday

Today, we had to send our big dog, Gracie, on a holiday.

She is trialling living with another family for a fortnight, to see how it goes before they make a decision whether she will stay.

It was a hard decision to make, but the last straw came after yet another fight between her and the small dog. This time it happened behind The Bubby while she was in the rocker and she sounded so terrified. And when I pulled Gracie away, she lunged again for the small dog and lifted him up by his tail.

While she never drew blood or injured him (rather than the stress upsetting his anxious stomach), something had to change.

Just before I went in to the hospital to have The Bubby, we were having almost daily fights. I was at my wits end when she jumped on the smaller dog as we were leaving for my induction. The Toddler was terrified and I was over the stress of the fighting. She went to live with my parents for a week and I spoke to a dog behaviouralist, and we got a bunch of tips on how to help.

And although things had improved (fights were down to one every few weeks), I was still tense. Which would make her tense. Which would make me more tense. And so on.

She is a gorgeous, sweet hearted dog. Something changed before The Bubby arrived which increased her urge to guard her food and guard The Husband and I. And that something was still hanging around three months later.

More exercise would have helped, but neither The Husband or I could commit to that. And that makes us terrible pet owners, but it's the truth.

She deserved to be happier. To always be greeted with smiles. To have family that were mature enough to be kinder to her (The Toddler will sometimes share food, sometimes not. She will step on her tail and sometimes on her feet. She gets up in her face when she wants to be left alone. She puts sand on her outside, she hits out at her sometimes and gives nice pats other times, and I actually caught her dribbling on her this morning).

If it were five years in the future I would have no problems keeping her - the girls would understand how to treat her, life would be less chaotic and we would all have the capacity to get to the bottom of it. But we just couldn't.

I feel like I failed her, because I did.

But it would be selfish to hang on to her and keep her unhappy so that I didn't feel bad. And I couldn't just sit and wait to see if there was ever a fight that ended up with one of the girls in the middle.

Friday 12 July 2013

Laughing

On a day where I felt I really needed it, The Bubby laughed for the first time.

The icing on the cake? The second time she did it - she snorted.

Thursday 11 July 2013

Damn.

Those long nights of zero wakeups have ended.

Welcome back nights of one or two wakeups - I didn't miss you.

Wednesday 10 July 2013

Whinge and whine

Oh.

You guys.

Seriously.

The Toddler has a whine when she is tired.

"Wheh wheh wheeeeeeeh. Wheh wheh wheeeeeeeeh."

Nothing puts an end to it.

This is followed closely by her second favourite whining noise "Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy". Even when I'm there. In front of her or holding her or having her on my lap. "Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy".

Today, I just couldn't handle any more. She woke up from her nap and it began and it didn't end. While I changed her nappy, while I redressed her, while I gave her a hug, while I told her (not harshly) that that was enough of that noise and to come out and join me when she is ready to stop whining.

When she came out, she agreed to some nurofen.

And tonight in the bath I found half of her bottom right molar popping through.

That probably explains some of that.

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Rested

Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night, The Bubby slept through from between 6-8pm until 6-8am.
BLISS.

Monday 8 July 2013

Dear Toddler - two years old

Dear Toddler,

This took me longer than I thought to start writing.

I read through the letter I wrote to you when you turned one and, combined with some other stress I'm currently feeling, I burst in to tears.

Of course, I was more rested then. And our days were just filled with just me and just you. Playing, eating solids with my boobs tucked firmly away, hanging out.

These days, I have the pull of two on me. And in many ways I feel like you are left out - you have to watch tv while I feed The Bubby so I can keep an eye on you close-by. And I feed The Bubby a lot. You are exploring and learning, and you are cheeky. Oh so cheeky. And I am tired and often feeling the weight of being at home all day (I'm not terribly good at it).

In the same vein, I also feel like The Bubby is left out - I skimmed back over what I wrote to you when you were three months old and you sound so much older than The Bubby does now. So if you're both left out, who is left in?

You are a real little person. Every week it seems like I am telling someone how in the last few weeks your vocabulary is exploding. You're stringing words together, you're getting better at articulating certain things, you are clearer at expressing what you want. And again, oh so cheeky.

One of your favourite games is "mummys girl, daddy's girl". Which was a silly game to start but, at the time, seemed like a good, fun idea. The concept being that The Husband and I sit on opposite couches with you in the middle, each of us holding one of your hands, and you rock side to side while I say "Mummy's girl!" and The Husband says "Daddy's girl!" and then you pick whose girl you are. 99 per cent of the time, you are mummy's girl, and you lay your head down on the arm of the chair for a hug - before The Husband acts shocked and whips you in to his arms to tickle and rile you up. You love being riled. You love being tickled and swung around and raised up in the air and turned upside down. And you love to say "mummy's girl" to rile daddy up out of the blue.

You are starting to become braver in a physical sense - we joined a tumbling class once a week and you are getting better at balancing and climbing and scooting through tunnels.We went to the park and you climbed up on the big kids ladder, only just within The Husbands reach, groaning with exertion (you must have learnt it from me!) with each step and pull until you realised just how high you were and answered with a soft little 'yes' when you decided that you would agree to come down now.

Socially, you are not so brave. When we first meet people, you get shy. You hide beind our legs or in another room until you are comfortable enough. That said, your party went better this year than it did last year, in that you didn't cry when all the people filled the house. You are also always not shy when you see Uncle Jonno or Uncle Will, two of your favourite people (after your grandparents) - they're always ready to rough and tumble play with you.

You are developing lovely manners, which makes me really happy. I almost always get a 'thank you mummy!' when I get you a muesli bar (your favourite treat) and you say please when you really want something.

Some of your younger habits still hang around - you love your teddy when you sleep, you request "up up!" in the kitchen or anytime you want to be picked up. But you're becoming more independent in other ways - you like to brush your teeth, you can put your own socks on, you hand me the remote when you want to watch tv. You can turn your toys on and off, you can steer through some of the apps, you're getting better with playdoh and you peel your own mandarins. You tell the dogs to get in their crates, you help feed them dinner, you lay out the mat when we change your nappy.

And you adore your baby sister. There have only been a very few times when you have been anything but totally loving towards her. You like to point out her features. WHen she cries you tell her 'shhh, s'okay', you show and share toys with her, you put your hands on her sides and say 'come here' and make like you're going to pick her up.

I hope she is the best gift we ever gave you, and you to her.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Sunday 7 July 2013

These little moments...

... that define living with a toddler.

She was tired and worn out from her party (I will write more about this tomorrow!), and in the middle of deciding she didn't want any more dinner, she climbed up on to The Husband's chest (he was laying on the lounge).

And farted.

And I laughed. A lot.

"What was that?" he said.
"Say 'Pardon me'" I said.

"E - I - E - I" *another fart* "O!" was her reply.

Saturday 6 July 2013

Long and short

I feel terrible thinking this.

I really do.

But all too often, the days with both girls at home are so long; and the days with just The Bubby are too short.

Friday 5 July 2013

Snotty

I do not remember The Toddler being as snotty as The Bubby is.

I don't know if it's just her, or if it's because she arrived earlier in the cold season, or because we have a constant vein of daycare germs running through our house, but at least twice a day I am digging something substantial out of there.

Thursday 4 July 2013

All for me

Today The Bubby and I went out to lunch with my parents and one of my brothers.

She was well behaved and slept in the Ergo for most of the meal, and woke up towards the end, looking around.

My dad offered to take her so I didn't get soup on her head - the hood is good for covering her when I'm eating but if she's looking around I didn't want to cover her up.

Dad got a hold, mum got a hold and my brother got a hold.

And when it was my turn, after I'd finished lunch, I got great big grins.

Of course, it's nice when she smiles at anyone or everyone, but it's extra nice when she saves her super grins for me.

Wednesday 3 July 2013

Covered and resting

We went to the shops yesterday afternoon, and The Bubby starting crying halfway there. It wasn't until we stopped the car and got out that I realised the hood on her jacket had fallen forward and covered her face.

So stupid.

It was only Red Nose Day last Friday, where I was reading about SIDS, and then I nearly suffocate my baby in the car.

She was quiet while we walked the shops, and then had a feed two hours after her previous (not abnormal, she tends to feed every two hours or so all day), and I put her in her bassinet. Normally she'll have a sleep for an hour or so in the bassinet, and she's been lovely in timing it for when I need to do The Toddler's dinner, bath and bedtime.

But after The Toddler was fed, bathed and in bed, The Bubby was still asleep. And after I had tidied and peeled prawns for diner, still asleep. And after we'd eaten, still asleep.

In the end, she slept from 6pm - 3am without waking.

While it was handy because I could actually get things done, I missed her a little - evenings usually consist of a few rounds of hourly feeds, then she gets to the point where she is ready for bed, usually around 8pm.

And, actually, she's been napping for almost two hours now. Looks like our trip to the shops has been moved to this afternoon.

Tuesday 2 July 2013

Thumbs and hands

The Bubby has entered her third leap, and it's manifesting in hand sucking.

A lot of hand sucking.

A lot of passionate hand sucking.

The kind of hand sucking that wakes you at 4am thinking she wants a feed, but continues for another 90 minutes after that because hey, she wasn't hungry, she just worked out she has hand and don't they feel great in that face hole.

Monday 1 July 2013

Groundhog Day

I saw there was an article on HerCanberra today about being stuck in a rut while on Maternity Leave.

Great! How timely after yesterdays swimming debacle! Here is the answer to stop me feeling like I do!

Of course, there were no answers. Only questions.

Are you stuck reading the same old websites and blogs all the time? Yes, actually, but there's a lot of them.

 How long is it since you welcomed a new friend into your life, along with his or her entirely new perspective and experience and energy? A long time, I guess. I've really enjoyed getting back in touch with my work friend who also just had a baby and I really enjoy spending time with her, though I worry that I bother her too much.

 Do you know ‘what next’ in your career? No. I think there's going to be a change at some stage, but I don't know to what and when. I did see a friend advertise a Tafe course to be a vet nurse (rather than a vet!) but it would be a pay drop. Maybe BI? I like to snoop.

What are you doing to get yourself there? Nothing. I have a friend who works in there.

What meals are you cooking? The same old. Usually meat and potatoes. 

 What are you reading and watching on TV? I watch The Block with The Husband, I watch Masterchef and Glee alone. And I watch the iPad in bed. The rest of the TV time The Husband watches sport.

 How do you spice up the domesticity of weekends? I try. I try to find things on so that we can get out together as a family, and it really impacts my mood when we don't.

 Do you have a hobby? No.

 Do you play a sport? No. And I can't at the moment and I'm really frustrated. Physically I'm not allowed, but I also know it's likely I'm not going to be able to do the two I wanted to this year - rowing (see the swimming debacle) and derby (I should face I'm probably too old and wussy).

 What groups or associations do you belong to? None.

 Who do you have offline conversations with? My family and my husbands family and my work friend every week or two.

 What time do you spend alone with your thoughts? None! If I'm not looking after the girls, I'm in bed.

When did you last play ‘tourist’ in your home town? We plan to do more - I did enjoy going to the botanical gardens the other weekend with two of my brothers, my SIL and my niece.

How do you want to be spending your time two years from now? I want to be happy with what I'm doing. I don't want to feel like I'm still 'getting used to' my life, I want to be in control of it.

It's given me some things to think about...