Tuesday 30 April 2013

Hearts

I worry about my past self a little.

I worry about how I bonded with The Toddler, if it took me too long.

I don't think it did any damage, she does love her mum, but I still feel bad.

It took me almost a month to realise how much I loved my first born - but I've been pretty smitten the whole time this time around.

I guess there is some truth in that she might be more settled because I am, and I definitely feel more settled because she is. We would have got such a rude shock if our babies were born the opposite way around - I couldn't imagine going through what we did with The Toddler now, with a toddler.

It's actually a really nice way to wind up my baby making days. There were some really tough days with The Toddler, and I know there will be really tough days with The Bubby, but it's nice to know that I'll have these easy days and quiet moments to look back on.

Monday 29 April 2013

Grunting

I wasn't a quiet pregnant woman.

The combination of my belly measuring ahead and the way I ate everything I could see until I got my GD diagnosis meant I was lugging a few extra kgs around, so a totally audible getting up/down/around noise seemed appropriate.

It seems The Bubby has clued on to this - even if I hold her perfectly still and don't change my hold on her in any way, she always groaaaaaans whenever I stand up or sit down with her in my arms.

That's my girl.

Sunday 28 April 2013

Sleeps

After a few nights of feeds occurring at bang on every three hours (her tendency to latch on and off/fall asleep mid way means feeding usually takes over an hour, leaving me with blocks of sleep less than two hours long) I was really feeling it yesterday.

I had zero patience for the poor service at the arboretum cafe and the fact they had a Coke soft drink gun but wouldn't sell me a Coke because they could only sell what was in bottles in the fridge (wanky organic lemonade).

And The Toddler wouldn't nap because she fell asleep in the car on the way home, and then I had a lovely catchup with friends visiting, and The Toddler finally decided she'd nap at 4, then the baby wanted a feed from 430, then The Toddler was up from 5.

And even though The Husband gave me a sleep in until 930, my eyes were bugging out of my head by 6 and I was showered and in bed before 830pm.

Last night, The Bubby showed she's getting better at feeding and was done each time within 45 minutes (and feeding longer on both sides). And she went for a four hour stretch at one stage so I got a block of sleep around 3 hours long.

I'm rambling, and I should be napping now, but my points are a) even though this time is 'easier' than last time, it's still not 'easy', and b) I hope the baby keeps up this faster turnaround/longer sleep thing.

Friday 26 April 2013

Nature vs Nurture

Nature vs Nurture - either way it's my fault.

Like my genes have combined to make my children the way they will be, or I've raised them to be the way they will be.

(of course, they may well turn out to be totally awesome, but it's part of being a newish mum to freak that everything will go wrong)

Self imposed

For someone who is pretty much vomit phobic, I seem to spend a lot of time encouraging a little person to vomit on to my shirt or in to a facewasher sitting in my hands...

Thursday 25 April 2013

Baby hair

There was a recent episode of Modern Family where the mum was rubbing her newborn baby half brother all over her shirt because the newborn baby smell is intoxicating.

Ha ha, right?

But there is nothing, NOTHING, like the feel of your newborn baby's short and soft spikey black hair on your cheeks, nose and eyelashes as she lays cuddled in to your chest.

Wednesday 24 April 2013

Bless you

I just can't stop myself from saying 'bless you' when The Bubby sneezes.

It's like I'm worried she'll think I'm rude if I don't.

Even though she doesn't even have the brain capacity to stop her eyes crossing over in the 90 minutes in every 24 hours where her eyes are even open....

Tuesday 23 April 2013

On the future

I was skimming through the articles on one of the many 'mommy blogs' that I have in my RSS feed, and came across a story of a 7 year old girl who decided to start fundraising for cancer the day after her moth died of breast cancer.

It stopped me.

7 years old and her mother died.

In five years time, that could be me and The Toddler.

Or, even now, if I were to die, I would leave two daughters with no mother.

It's like I spent all pregnancy thinking about and hoping that my babies would arrive safely. And then, I seem to skip straight through to them being teenagers.

Even on the odd occasion I've thought about what would happen if something happened to The Husband or I, I've never considered the impact on our daughters.

Obviously, I know it is a terribly sad event when a parent dies.

But how sad to be the parent that dies, the sadness you carry for yourself and the sadness you carry for the hurt you are causing.

How heartbreaking.

Monday 22 April 2013

Early changes

There are a few positive changes that come from no longer being pregnant...

- I can brush my tongue again! All pregnancy, and last pregnancy, any pressure of my toothbrush on my tongue caused a massive dry retch.

- our dining chairs aren't as scary as they used to be. I was always underestimating my girth Nd banging my bump on the pointy corners of the top of the chairs.

- I can roll over in bed with out having to do it in four moves with my knees pressed firmly together (the SPD made it really uncomfortable to cha be positions in bed).

- I can hug The Husband without a giant lump between us. And get out of chairs easier. And get up and down to change The Toddler.

- it's easier to push a pram with two flat tyres through the mall than it is to walk with no pram and a baby on the inside.

- I'm 9kg lighter than when I gave birth (and I lost a few kg once I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes). I still have 4kg to go to get to pre pregnancy rate, then an additional 5kg to get back to my usual weight, and an additional 5-7kg to get to my favourite weight, but its a start.

- I can start thinking about the things I'd like to do this year (boxfit, rowing, roller derby) in realistic timeframes, rather than 'once the baby is out'.

- While I do kind of miss seeing my belly roll around, it's nowhere near as amazing as it feels to actually hold my baby in my arms.

It is harder to do y blood thinning needles though - all my belly is soft and some of the jabs Re quite painful, Worrying me that I might be injecting in to muscle.

Sunday 21 April 2013

Out of the house

We did it! We got out of the house.

The Bubby woke every three hours last night, so I was a little tireder than usual. In fact, when she woke at 5:30, I could hear her in my dream, but my brain wasn't computing that I needed to get up and feed her. It was only when The Husband shook me softly and said 'Sweetie... She's making a lot of noise...' that I came out of the fog and remembered what my job is.

The Husband got up at 7:30 when The Toddler called out, and while I registered that it happened, it felt like I only just closed my eyes before they were both in the room with me. It was actually 90 minutes later.

Considering it took 45 minutes to feed The Bubby, we did remarkably well to o my arrive at the markets 30 minutes later than what we did as a three person family. Plus I got the Ergo on and working fine with minimal stress.

The plan is that I can get out to the shops tomorrow, we'll see how we go. And if we can't get the timing right, I'm confident that The Husband and I could take both of the out. And I'm even feeling a little sure that I could manage taking the two of the out together, for a quick trip, if I loaded The Toddler up with treats.

Saturday 20 April 2013

Run away from the groundhog

Today my family was getting together for lunch to celebrate my mum's birthday (early next week) and belated celebrate The Husband's birthday (earlier this month). The plan was to meet at their house at 12, for lunch at 1.

The Bubby gave us an amazing nights sleep (feeding at 11:30, 4am and 8:30) and The Toddler woke at 8:30 as well. I was hoping to slam a feed in to The Bubby and then head out with The Toddler to get mums gift.

But it just didn't happen.

Feeding took close to 45 minutes (she gets cosy between feeds and needs a burp sometimes to get her appetite back), then it took me longer than I expected to eat my bowl of cereal and get dressed (The Toddler slows things down a little).
Once 90 minutes had passed, I realised I wouldn't be able to get out to the shops and back in time, so we planned for The Husband and The Bubby to come as well (so I could feed her if needed). But then The Husband also needed to have his breakfast and shower, and I needed to work out how to use the Ergo if I was taking her to the shops.

And then it was 11am and we still hadn't left.

And I had to work hard to not get too upset about the fact that we'd somehow fiddle fart arsed away 2.5 hours. And seemingly I wasn't too successful, as my dad picked up on it straight away.

I don't feel anywhere near as tired as I did when The Toddler was The Baby. Everything seems to be that much easier this time around - changing nappies used to take five minutes (I don't know how!) but it's a breeze. Baby feeds more efficiently and I'm in the swing of wrapping her and she settles quickly.

But I've only had one outing since arriving home, and that was to buy dog crates to try to stop our dogs from fighting and to do the groceries. Which left me with an aching pelvis all day.

And The Husband gets to go out and run and swim and ride, get exercise and do things in his own time.

There's no reason he can't - he's on leave too, he is doing so much with The Toddler, he has only just been given the all clear to exercise and it makes him (and therefore me!) feel better, and all he'd be doing otherwise is sitting around at home like me.

But it still grinds that my days are dictated in three hourly chunks, where I should feel 'thankful' that I 'got' to go out and do a chore. And that my next outing is similar (pick up my serviced watch / get winter clothes for baby / finally get mums birthday present).

I'm wondering if this is the hormones...


Friday 19 April 2013

Home visit

As part of the whole birth thing here, you get a visit from the maternal and community heal nurse some time in the first two weeks after your baby is born.

When The Toddler was born, the nurse came within a few days. I suspect this is because the nurses could sense my apprehension about being at home and I charge of a baby. This time, the midwife told me not to expect to be seen until a fortnight.

They visited today.

And everything is great,

The Bubby is 20g up from her birth weight, which is apparently a big deal (particularly as her last feed was 3.5 hrs before she was weighed).

This weight gain means there is nothing to worry about in terms of her going around 4 hours between feeds (rather than the standard 3), and also because she is producing lots of wet nappies and chunky cheesy yellow poop (so glamorous).

It seems we have a good combination going of good supply and an efficient feeder.

Fingers crossed it stays this way!

Thursday 18 April 2013

Four by four

A feed at 830.

A top up at 10.15 because oh my gawd this whole milk coming in thing, yikes.

A feed at 2am.

A feed at 6am.

A feed at 9.30am.

A mummy feeling refreshed.

Wednesday 17 April 2013

Thankful

I am so, so lucky to be able to have The Husband off work for a month.

I was in hospital for five nights, so he and The Toddler have spent a lot of time together, although I was extra double lucky that my parents were willing and wanted to take her for a few hours for most of those days so that he could continue to function and she could be spoilt.

He spent all day with her, drawing, blowing bubbles, doing washing, snacking. She's become a really daddy's girl.

Of course, the hard part is not looking at that as a failure on my part, that there is some magical balance where I can continue to be the 'preferred' parent while still establishing a relationship just as strong with someone who hasn't even been breathing outside air for a week.

Tuesday 16 April 2013

First bath

We brought The Bubby home today.

It's all gone well so far. The Toddler is showing some interest - not too much, not too little.

I was able to nap for an hour and a half on the couch, while both girls were asleep.

I've not had any toddler meltdowns while feeding, and we even spent a few hours alone while The Husband went to visit his Pa in hospital.

Then, it was bath time.

In a nutshell? She pooped as I was taking her nappy off. Then wee'd until it all mixed and overflowed on to the towel. Then vomited in the baby bath. Then pooped again in the baby bath. Then The Husband found the dog and the poop towel.

I guess it was a success in that she got some clean water on her and didn't cry too much, but I'm hoping the next one goes better.

Monday 15 April 2013

Sleep time

3 hours of broken sleep doesn't really feel any worse than five hours broken sleep, once you get to about 7am.

Nice to know, at least.

Sunday 14 April 2013

Sped up

The midwives warned us that things were likely to happen faster this time around as my body remembers what to do. My milk would come faster, my bleeding should stop sooner, but that I'm likely to get the blues earlier.

My middle brother and his girlfriend came to visit yesterday but I had to keep texting them to wait a bit longer as The Bubby was still feeding. She fed at 945am, 1030, 1120, 1150, 210pm, 250, 355, 610, 715, 810, 1010, 1050, 1220am, 1250, 130, 2am... I called the midwives who said she seemed gassy and they took her away to wrap a warm blanket around her to settle her belly. It settled her briefly, but only briefly. Some pacing with her brought up a few more burps, and I finally settled at 250am.

For 10 minutes sleep.

Once she started again, both of us were crying.

I was working out whether i would call the nurses in or wheel her out once the tears stopped, when I heard another burp and felt her relax. I put her in to her bed and she stayed quiet.

I slept from 4am to 630, when I snapped awake worried that she had suffocated. She was still settled. At 730 when I woke again, I woke her for a feed as it had been 5.5 hours. After a shower and another sleep from 930-1130 I woke her for another feed.

She was settled all day, though spent lunch time (when we're meant to nap) in my arms.

As I write this, she is asleep again in her bed. My milk seems to be coming in, so I am hoping this settled behaviour sticks around all night....

Saturday 13 April 2013

First night in

Our first night went really well.

The baby must've been worn out from being born and settled quickly after each feed. I got about 7 hours sleep with a few breaks.

It's funny to look at The Bubby as my baby. All of my interaction with babies has been with The Baby (now The Toddler), so I am used to it being with my chubby, blue-eyed, golden haired girl. It is still a shock each time I look down and see this tiny dark haired, dark eyed girl.

Friday 12 April 2013

Welcome the Bubby

The Bubby was born today, Friday 12 April.

I came in to hospital last night to be induced - the pregnancy was not an easy one, with split abs, SPD, insulin dependent gestational diabetes and a bump that was consistently measuring 4-6 weeks ahead. The SPD meant I had to wear a stomach band, which went well with the stocking I had to wear on my right leg for blood clots, and the daily blood thinning needles. I'd had a visit to emergency with what I thought was a blood clot but is just an ugly inflamed vein in my leg. I'd spent a lot of time in appointments learning about my blood sugar and my insulin, lost 5kg in the last month and had to go in for twice weekly movement monitoring from 36 weeks to check Bubby was okay.

Two weeks ago the doctor told me that my strep swab was positive, then monitoring shortly after showed I had protein in my urine and higher blood pressure than usual (indicators of pre eclampsia). I went in to meet with the obstetrician and nearly burst in to tears when he asked how I was - I was so over feeling like my body was failing at every turn. On the positive side, the swab was actually negative and it wasn't pre eclampsia, but the doctor agreed that he would induce me at 38 weeks and 5 days.

I'd came in for 6 hours on the Monday because I'd had constant, non painful, contractions since early in the morning - it was nothing. Wednesday morning I woke up at 3am with the shakes, then the vomits at 5am and 7am. It took until 12 until I realised I had a headache and fever and that it was probably linked to the vomit that The Baby had done on Sunday rather than labour. Thursday I had an upset stomach, as did The Husband (who had to spend the day in bed).

The Husband and I came in to hospital on Thursday night after leaving The Baby (now The Toddler) with his parents, Nanny and Bumpa. We had takeaway dinner and he headed home to rest for the next day, while I had gels inserted at 10pm and 4am. I slept fairly well considering I knew what was coming and the monitoring showed the baby was quieter than usual so it took longer than it should have.

The obstetrician woke me just before 8am by waltzing in asking me to come down to the labour ward.  I brushed my hair and wandered down and called The Husband. After some breakfast and some time, the obstetrician announced I was 2cm dilated. He was able to break my waters, and once the contractions started to come, albeit irregularly, we were able to get the epidural put in at about 1030. As contractions weren't really coming regularly, they started the synto drip at 6, then eventually 12 and 20. As The Baby's labour was so short, we had all presumed it would happen quickly. At around 130, I had only progressed to 3cm. However, the monitors started to show that The Bubby's heart rate was dipping with each contraction. They called the obstetrician over to have a look and he declared I was 6cm, saying I would have a baby in 30-60 minutes. After that they would have to consider a c-section as she was dipping more.

Slowly, I was starting to feel pain in my left hip. It was ramping up quickly with each contraction and no matter how they changed my position, The Bubby's heart rate wasn't fixing and the pain was getting worse and spreading. One try of the gas confirmed that I really didn't like it and would instead breathe through them. The modwives confirmed at this point that I was ready to push but that we should wait for the obstetrician, he was over in a few minutes, and The Bubby was out after three pushes. The cord was wrapped twice around her neck (hence her heart dipping) and she had turned from posterior (the compression and turning likely blocked part of the epidural, hence the pain). Sizing in at 3.180kg and 49.5cm at 3.12pm, our beautiful baby girl was born with a head or short dark hair.

And so a new (and final!) chapter of baby days begins.