2011 recap

A nice way to wrap up the year... (mostly baby themed, for the baby themed blog!).

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Had a baby!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any that I can remember. Next year, I resolve to try to be a better wife and a better mother.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I met a whole bunch of ladies that gave birth around July! Also two friends from work and one of our close friends. We also have another couple that are due very early in January!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not anyone close to me necessarilly, but we did go to a funeral this year.

5. What countries did you visit? We stayed local.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A bit more calmness in myself.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The baby was born on 7 July (7/7 = easy to remember!).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Physically, giving birth was a big thing. I'm also pretty happy with how I have handled becoming a mum / stopping work / not going completely crazy and not going totally postnatal.

9. What was your biggest failure? Letting my temper get the better of me. And I still spend a fair amount of time mulling things over in my head until they become a much bigger deal than they really are.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I copped a few stitches when the baby came... I also wanged my back out while I was pregnant, and then I got the haemangeoma cut out of my finger.

11. What was the best thing you bought? We actually bought our second dog this year, which seems so long ago! I also really enjoyed all the Christmas shopping, and shopping for my sister in law's baby shower.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? All of us! Overall, we are very lucky to have such a content and laidback baby. The husband did a great job of continually checking in on me, particularly in the early days. The dogs were quite excited by the baby at first but have calmed down a fair bit. And I haven't pulled out all my hair!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Probably mine, of all of us. I spend so much time with me, so I know what I'm like.

14. Where did most of your money go? Medical bills! With the birth, the baby's hip and physio, my back physio, my hand operation and physio, and the husbands  medical things this year (massive migraine that appeared as a potential stroke, a suspected fractured leg, and some sun damage), we've done a good job of boosting the doctor business. That and all the adorable outfits I've bought from Target....

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I think I was really excited about the baby's first smiles and laughs. She seemed so serious for so long, it was just such a nice change.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? We were listening to a playlist of songs I'd collected while I was in labour, then the husband switched it over to the new Bon Iver album just before it was business time. So I think it will be that album....

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


(a) Happier or Sadder? A different kind of happy - while I was pregnant, I was hormonally happy!
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Thinner! I'm almost 20kg lighter than I was at my most pregnant (scary!) and I'm three kg lighter than my pre pregnancy weight. I'd still like to lose another five before my birthday.
(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer.... half pay + few medical things + mortgage + baby will do that!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking photos of the baby with a real camera, not our dodgy phone camera's.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sitting on my butt looking at the internet instead of spendig quality time with my husband. But we're working on that. Part of me also wants to say 'eating less hot chips', but I enjoyed each and every one!

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2011? Christmas Eve at my eldest-youngest brother and his wife's house, with my family. It's become tradition and it's always good fun! Christmas day we unwrapped presents as a family, then went to my parent's house for lunch with the family and then to the husband's parent's house for dinner with his family. We will do lunch and dinner at the opposite house next year.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? I did! Baby! Nawwwwwwwwwww!

22. How many one-night stands? Ba ha ha!

23. What was your favorite TV program? I reaaaaaaaaaaaally get in to MasterChef. We also really got in to Raising Hope and Community, and I powered through five seasons of How I Met Your Mother. And I need to restart 30 Rock (for the third time!) and catch up.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don't think so. I've seen some crazy behaviour, but don't think I really hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read? I read a lot of Sookie Stackhouse books, the entire Black Dagger Brotherhood series and a lot of Marion Keyes - easy reads. And I found Kaz Cooke's Kidwrangling and Up the Duff to both be really helpful and entertaining. That said, I think Bossypants was my favourite book of the year!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Holly Throsby's See!. The husband's sister bought it for us as part of our baby shower gift and the baby loves it (as do I!).

27. What did you want and get? A healthy baby and a not-too-scary delivery. Check.

28. What did you want and not get? A babymoon!

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I've seen New Years Eve twice - I just can't help myself, I'm a Zac Efron maniac...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 29 and I don't really remember! I think we went out for lunch and for dinner (nom nom)...

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Immeasurably? I can't think of anything! And I feel like a sap for writing that, but it's true.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Ah ha ha! "Just woke up".

33. What kept you sane? Words with Friends and Tiny Tower on the iPhone...

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? There were a lot of celebrity pregnancies, that was pretty interesting. Though I didn't fancy them. I am still fancying Zac Efron though, I guess!

35. What political issue stirred you the most? I'm still waiting for gay marriage to be recognised.

36. Who did you miss? Every so often I dream about a school friend who passed away, and I wake up really sad and missing him. It would have been nice for my Pa (and for all my grandparents!) to have been able to meet the baby as well.

37. Who was the best new person you met? I met a stack of awesome women through the Essential Baby forum that have moved over to Facebook, and also a lovely friend who worked at my work and whose daughter is related to the baby (via the husband and his second cousin). A great year for new friends!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. You only have time.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “You are the only thing in any room you're ever in..."

40. What are your resolutions for 2012? To become a better mother and a better wife. And to lose 5kg before my birthday!

Easy day

Thursday night, baby fed at 11pm (after family tea), woke at 4am and was resettled, woke at 4.30am for a feed, woken at 7.30 for a feed and woke at 9.30. We pulled her in to bed, the husband went to the tip and to do some groceries and the two of us napped on and off until 11.30 (when the husband called to see what we wanted from the groggo for new years)(!).

I headed out to do some gardening after both the baby and I had had something to eat, and she stayed inside with the husband to watch the soccer. The husband came out and gardened too on and off all afternoon, but I did about five hours work (with two quick breaks to feed the baby).

Now that she's started solids and is spreading her feeds out, the actual feeding thing is a lot less of a 'hassle'. Because we were at home and the husband was keeping her entertained, I didn't spend my time considering how much time I had between feeds and whether it was 'worth' getting out to hit the garden. I just did it. And it was good to be able to just do what needed to be done.

And to enhance it, she sat out on the back stoop in her rocker chair and watched us for an hour or two as well. She was happy enough to sit by herself and see what we were doing (mostly) and to keep herself entertained by making her inhaling screech noise (which doubled as a fun game for the husband and I where we'd guess what she was gasping at... 'Oooooooooooooooooooh! You got me what for Christmas?', 'Ooooooooooooooooooh! We're having bbq tomorrow?' etc etc).

It's the most 'normal' stuff that I've done in mooooooooonths.

Cooking

I got two cookbooks from 'the baby' for Christmas (as well as some awesome headphones!) - Baby Bowl (by the author of the 4 ingredients cookbooks) and Weaning by Annabel Karmel.

I did some groceries the other day and grabbed some chicken and some random fruit and veg, to see what I could pull together from these books. Success!

We made three recipes - a 'power puree' of pumpkin, apple and banana; Cheesy leek, sweet potato and cauliflower; and Chicken, carrot, rice and green beans.

It's been very handy to have all of these set up in the freezer - they didn't take very long to cook, are all very quick/easy and I know that they're all healthy so I feel good for it.

As an example, today she had some of the Chicken mix at lunch time, followed by half a baby yoghurt and then the other half of the yoghurt with the pumpkin, apple and banana mixed through. Tonight she had some of the cheesy leek mix followed by four soldiers of toast. I'm trying to make sure that she's getting protein, fruit, veg, grains and dairy each day (but trying not to obsess over that).

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

We had a few overnnight wakings last night (as per usual) and got up to start the day just before lunch.

The husband's parents came over to drop off some more things (including Baby Wombat's Week for the baby from a family friend - so adorable!) and once they left I grabbed my things to duck out and do the groceries while the husband was home so he could babysit. Except he'd made plans with a friend and there wouldn't be time.

He was apologetic, and he had nothing to apologise for, but as I was unpacking the groceries in to the car with the baby sitting happy in the babyseat of the trolley, it struck me how life shifts so much - it seems silly to be upset that I didn't get to do the groceries alone. Like it would have been such a highlight (really, it was fine - it's nice to have her there with me!).

Later that night when the baby was in bed (and the husband was home!) I went to the movies with a friend. And while I was there, I found myself wondering what was happening at home. Should I message to see how they're going? What's happening? Would it be silly to ask for a pic of what they're doing?

You get so used to having her around all the time - you're damned if you've got her, you're damned if you don't.

(Plus, I like to have her with me so that when people see my paunchy tummy they should understand that I got all stretched out carrying her, not that I've been hitting the beer).

Angry

I've had a few comments from a few people that I'm angry or grumpy a lot more often than I used to be.

I don't know what to do about it.

I've never been very good at being alone. And I know I'm not alone (and I definitely feel a lot less alone than I did a few months ago!), but I do spend a lot of time that is not in the company of other adults. And when I do, I'm usually trying to get stuff done as quickly as possible to maximise the time where I'm not feeding her, or  where she's not crying, or not needing to be changed/burped, carried and bounced. So I'm probably bossy.

And I'm probably more flippant about having a baby than I really am deep in my heart. I find it easy to play up being the reluctant mother, perhaps too easy?

And I do get less sleep now. And the sleep that I do get is broken. It's been well over a year since I've had the recommended eight hour sleep that you're meant to get. And what impact does that have on moods? Seemingly, stress, anger, exhaustion, irratability, and short temper.

And in all honesty, I do find being vomited on to be a really unpleasant thing. Perhaps more unpleasant than most of the people I know. So if you catch me just after I've been spewed on, there's a chancee I'm going to be a bit put out. Never mind if I've had to deal with having to tackle an endless amount of dishes. Or found something else that the dogs have chewed on or having to put up with them running through the house or having a serious dog fight over a piece of carrot. Or being surrounded by mess and clothes that need to be washed a floor covered in dog hair and bird seed and not being able to get to cleaning it up. Or hearing about stuff that's happening at work that I could have helped with or that shows other opportunities I've missed. Or feeling like I have nothing to contribute to adult conversations or nothing in common with my friends or becoming that person that only talks about her baby. Or stressing about whether the baby is feeding enough or eating the right things or pooping enough or if her rash is something to worry about or what is going to happen with her hips.

And I often have periods with a crying baby that can't tell me what she wants and she has learnt a sad new whimper and doesn't like being left to her own devices.

I don't know.

I know that people say that you can't control what other people think. But where is the line that other people's observations are telling you the things that you should actually be worried about?  I don't want angry me to be the only me.

Merry post-Christmas

The baby got seriously spoilt this year.

She slept maybe five hours over ten hours on Christmas Eva - the husband woke me up an hour before we were due at my parents house and it felt like I'd hardly slept at all. Of course, we had enough time to pull out the camera to capture her first Christmas morning - waking up in her cot to see her Santa sack, looking at the contents of it one by one on our bed, the baby got her presents from us, she gave us presents from her, then the husband and I swapped our own gifts.

And I captured a photo of her on her fathers lap, surrounded by presents, and realised that perhaps I had gone a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit overboard.

Santa gave her a CD of songs to dance to, Sophie the giraffe, two harnesses to secure Sophie to her hand so that she isn't on the floor all the time, a Tupperware Shape-O, some Cat in the Hat bookends, a chime garden toy, a teething bee toy, a cheese sorting toy, and a toy to stick to her highchair to keep her entertained a little longer.

We gave her a Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Learning Table, a flip out sofa seat (with numbers and letters on it) and 'If Kisses were Colours' (which I thought was lovely).

She was then spoilt by both sets of grandparents and her four sets of aunties and uncles. She got books, plates, bath toys, a ball popper, a shopping trolley toy, clothes, a handprint kit..... so much stuff!

She started to get the hang of unwrapping gifts in the morning, but then every time it was time for her to open gifts she was napping.

Then, the greatest gift of all, a sleep from midnight until 8.30am with only one resettling required, then another two hours sleep for me!

Merry Christmas!

The baby was too excited about Santa to sleep properly - so clever already...

Sitting

Baby is a pretty good lap sitter - she's usually happy when we're out and about and sitting down to sit on you and just look around. I've also been sitting her up in front of me on the couch, just to practice.

Sunday morning, we sat her up on the bed by herself, just to see how she went.

She did it!

At first, it was more of a propped up lean - after we set her legs up like a diamond, she managed to hold herself in place on the bed. But with practice, she's getting better and better.

In a silly twist of events, I have been playing a game with her where she grabs on to my thumbs and she pulls herself up to a sit, then she lets go and falls back on to the bed and I tickle her so she laughs (rather than getting shocked at her fall). So quite often when she's sitting, she decides to throw herself backwards and laughs. I don't quite know how we're going to get her to practice sitting on somewhere a bit harder without this aftereffect....

Spit rash

Ew!

Baby has had a funny red rash under her chin(s) for a few days.

It started when she scratched herself (baby nails get sharp quickly!) and it never seemed to heal, and has really ramped up over the last few days.

We got some cream to rub on there (sparingly) twice a day, but it's not easy with all her little face folds, her constant dribbling, and her recent rediscovery of how to blow raspberries.

I tell ya, she's totally taking after her mother with all her minor ailments....

Germs

While we were with the pediatrican, we asked him about cold/fly and the baby - I've had a gross old head cold since Sunday, and last night we saw her coughing herself awake a few times on the monitor.

He indicated that she will get sick more often from now on.

He said to expect her to get sick 8 times in her first year, 6 times in her second year, 4 in her third and twice in her fourth.

He said if it's ear, nose or throat, we should ask the doctor if she really needs antibiotics, and to ask if we can just treat it with panadol instead. He said he's not specifically anti-antiobiotics, but that she needs to get this sickness to boost her immune system.

8 times?! That's gonna be a sucky year!!!

(She's been a little whingy all day, but not too bad. I really hope she doesn't get any worse!)

Hip midpoint

We had an ultrasound on the baby's hip on Monday, to check out her progress. There was a part of me clinging to the hope that she would be able to come out of it, as one of the first timelines we were told was 6 - 8 weeks (she's know been in it for 6 weeks).

As soon as the scanner had a look and din't say a lot, I knew it wasn't going to be coming off yet.

Her hip coverage is at 46-48% (it should be at 50%), and with pressure it goes down to 42%. Her last scan had it at 45% coverage, so it is slightly improved.

We went to see the pediatrician earlier this afternoon, and he started by trying to get in touch with an orthopedic surgeon that has a 'pediatric interest'. It later prevailed that the Dr didn't realise she was already in a harness (instills us with confidence, right?!) and so he was worried that it was actually getting worse. We're actually a little confused by this because the figures were getting better, but somehow once he knew she was in the harness he was more confident that the harness is working. He then asked us why we had a scan and appointment at 6 weeks, because there isn't a lot of research in to how a hip in harness should look at this early stage (as if I had decided to get the scan and appointment just for fun). Hrm.

We have an xray booked in for her on the 20th of February (she's now at the point where she has too much muscle/fat over her joint so an ultrasound won't provide a clear enough picture) and an appointment with the pediatrician again on the 24th.

There's a few potential outcomes
 - her hip could be fine by then, and she will be harness free.
 - it may need a little extra, so she will get a different harness, to be worn only at night.
 - it may not be good enough and she will need to see a specialist in Sydney.
 - it could potentially be a degenerative hip thing, which will 'always be hard work'. The specialists would be able to tell us more about it then.

We'll see how it pans out in two months time.

Spread it out

Over the last week or so, baby has been stretching out to four hours between feeds.

I'm going to guess it's linked to her getting older and her increasing the amount of solids she is eating. This is why it's extra important that we ensure we do give her solids twice a day, and enough to the point where she doesn't want anymore. This is teaching her self-control in her eating, so that we don't overfeed her and so that she gets more understanding of the relationship between her hunger and her food.

It is making the day that much more enjoyable though - lovely to have that bit of extra time before having to rush to jam a boob in it!

Chomp chomp chomp

Baby is making great strides in her solids.

Last Thursday night, after she'd been fed and had farex, she ate almost a full oven-baked potato (I got to eat the skin).

Sunday night, after she'd been fed, she ate a full jar of chicken, noodles and vegetables - her first taste of meat.

When I came home from an appointment this morning, the husband was halfway through a jar of beef and vegetables with her - before she'd even swallowed a mouthful, her mouth was open for more. And when she finished off that jar, she had two tablespoons of farex.

We plan to start baby-led weaning in January, when she's six months old. On the one hand, I think she's totally going to kick it's ass, but on the other I worry that she won't be coordinated enough to get enough food in to her belly to keep up with her demand!

Santa!

Baby got her first Santa photo today!

We arranged with a friend from mothers group (whose daughter is actually related to the baby through both of their fathers being related) to head down to a local shopping Santa for a photo that we could take ourselves (so we didn't have to pay the crazy amount that some of the places were charging).

45 minutes later, and Santa still hadn't arrived.

Mrs Claus was there, and she was doing a fantastic job of trying to abate all of the other families, milling around the centre and looking for Santa. Whilst she explained that Santa wasn't there yet as he had been working late making all the toys for the girls and boys, she also confided that she believed he might have been up partying a bit late the night before.

So we headed off to another shopping centre to get proper photos done.

Of course, both babies were now tired and getting hungry.

And while the baby's friend was very well behaved and napped in the car and in the line, baby just wanted to check it all out. Until we were almost at the front of the line and she gave in to sleep.

So considering she was woken up, overtired, had her dummy taken off her and was dumped on to a crazy strangers lap, we managed to get an adorable photo of her, and a few copies of the adorable photo of her and her friend.

And you'd never know that it took almost 30 shots to get those pictures, and that she was sucking on Santa's coat and kept sitting with her legs sticking up so that her nappy was showing, and that the velcro on her harness pulled his beard half off as she left.

Santa practice

We had a Christmas party this evening with my mum's side of the family, and it was pretty exciting to be involved in the present thing again.

When we were younger, this annual Christmas party was like the highlight of the year. My mum is one of eight kids, so there were always presents coming in from all directions. We'd hang out at my Grandmothers house, eat way too much, whinge at the parents that it was time for presents, get totally spoilt and then eat too many lollies before it was time to go back home.

As we've gotten older, we've progressed on to a Secret Santa with some of my older cousins. This is a lot more sensible for everyone involved.

But, the baby is now counted in with the younger cousins (although she is a second cousin/some other relation that I can't get my head around in terms of my aunts and uncles) and so she was back in and spoilt. So exciting to open the presents and to look forward to her development continuing to the point where she's actually going to interact more with these things!

The idea of her playing with a jack-in-the-box just thrills me to bits.

Where do we sit

We got to spend some time with two young boys last night - one aged 18 months and one aged 3 years old.

On the drive home, the husband asked 'just to know where we stand, do you think they were well behaved?'.

It's the first time we've really had a look at behaviours to try and determine what we think is appropriate and what is not. And it's interesting to have a think about what is or isn't acceptable, and why. And how would we change that.

For example, should they be up at 10pm?
Can we really critique that, having had a baby that goes to sleep on her own schedule, and that includes months of going to bed after that time? And they were visiting from out of state, so they were out of their normal environment...

And to what degree do you let kids do whatever they pretty much want, because they are kids?

And when you are at other peoples houses, should you come down harder on them?

And how do you make decisions about whether the child gets dessert, or has to finish their meal, or if and when they drink what?

I have many memories of going to my parents friends houses and getting the talk about being on our very best behaviour. I try to be on my better-than-usual behaviour when I am at other people's houses, and I would expect the same of my children - if not more! Children are more likely to be annoying or naughty than adults, so I think it's important from the get-go that your child understands this.

But then, how to implement that sort of thing!?

Not sleeping like a baby

You would think I would learn, right?

Crazy baby woke almost hourly last night.

It could be that her teeth are progressing ever higher - you can now see two little white spots and there are two raised rectangles on the front of her lower jaw.

That doesn't explain why at 5am her chosen method of entertaining herself was to shove her hand so far in her mouth that she was gagging. That's not lovely any time of the day, but it's particularly un-lovely when it blares at you through a monitor.

But it was the worst night sleep we'd had in quite a while....

Sleeping like a baby

I have no idea what prompted it, but last night the baby went to sleep at 8pm after a 7pm feed, and slept through until almost 5am.

If only I hadn't stayed awake until almost 1am in anticipation of her recently favored 1.30am feed.

Tonight she slept from 6:30-8:30, as she had a quick nap in the stroller while I had lunch at mothers group, a quick nap in my arms at a work Christmas party, and a quick nap in the car on the drive home.

I hope she does 9pm - 6am.....!

Help it along

Hey baby?

If there was as much carry on for me as there is for you when you're trying to poop, nothing would ever get done.

Where's my hugs? Where's my dancing and singing around the loungeroom to my favourite songs? Where's my belly rubs?

Shower gifts

At the shower on Saturday, we gave a gift of a bundle of things we found most useful once the baby arrived.

Whereas previously I would have gifted an outfit, there were two hurdles - one: we don't know the gender, and two: we received so many outfits that I loved, but I really appreciated being given the things that I didn't realise I'd need.

We gifted:
 - The Skip Hop baby log (I wrote about how useful we found it here)
 - Big facewashers (because catching baby vomit in those thin little soft ones is grooooooooooss)
 - Baby Panadol (whether or not you choose to use it is entirely up to you, but I do)
 - Dummies (again, we fell in love with them on this night)
 - Nappy Sacks (they smell lovely and are very handy!)
 - Curash cream (for all those wet poops in those first months)
 - Bath thermometer (not to hot/cold for the baby!)
 - Bedtime bath wash (we'll take whatever help we can get!)
 - Huggies wipes box (they come in a resealable box you can put your cheaper brands in to but still keep them moist).

Her other sister-in-law also gifted things she found useful - the only crossover item was the baby Panadol!

No thank you

We've finally hit a few foods that the baby really was not keen on.

Baby yoghurt makes her cry. I think it's to do with the cold? And also it's a pretty new texture/taste sensation for her. The husband was pointing out just how different it is for her - she would never had had anything like it in her life. She bawled while she had it yesterday, and she pulled a LOT of faces this morning, but she managed 1/4/ of the mini tub. Then the husband sat and ate it in front of her, overacting in just how much he was enjoying it.

We also tried banana yesterday and she didn't want a bar of it. I had just mashed it up in the bowl with a fork, and I thought that seeing how she powers through her pear and banana flavoured Farex that she'd be keen, but no dice. I might give her a piece she can hold herself, so see if that interests her more.

On the plus side, it's probably going to make me eat more fruit as I clear up her leftovers!

Shower

Today we went to the baby shower of the baby's first cousin (to be!) - my sister in law is due in mid February - and we can't wait!

I was dreading leaving the house though - the baby was moody and whingy all morning, and we couldn't work it out. She was a little gassy mid morning, but then she would just switch between happy-chatty and cranky-cryey at an instant. We gave her some panadol and put her down for another nap, and she magically sorted herself out.

There were a lot of babies at the party - one who was only two weeks younger than her, and one that was only three months old. It's just so interesting to see how many different sizes and temperaments the babies come in, as well as the different habits and styles of the parents.

We just can't wait to meet the new arrival!

Feet

I've always loved seeing babies holding their feet - something about them laying on their backs, so fascinated and entertained by these things they've had the whole time but taken months to notice.

The baby has started grabbing at her right foot, as of today.

I don't know if she'll be delayed in getting any further with it - whether she'll be physically able to rock side to side and/or put her toes in her mouth, but it's pretty freaking adorable. And good to see all her practice of splaying her legs up in the air was actually going somewhere.

Food, glorious food

We took the baby in to the clinic to be weighed a fortnight ago, and she had gained a little less than 100g in two weeks. The nurse seemed a little concerned, but indicated that breastfed babies don't necessarily follow the percentile curve, and have more of a step-up pattern in their growth (a quick google backed this up).

I took her in again today and she had gained more than 200g over the last fortnight, which is great. She's currently weighing in at over 7.5kg, but 150g of that is her harness.

I told the nurse that I was relieved - I was worried that her slow weight gain the other week meant that we were doing something wrong with the solids. I told her that we've been feeding her twice a day on most days, with farex and with pureed vegetables.

The nurse told me:
 - it's time for us to move away from puree and on to mashed foods - we need to leave some lumps in, but we could transition by mixing puree and lumpy (otherwise she will have trouble moving off puree)
 - we should give her water with her solids, so that she gets used to drinking water
 - twice a day is fine, at six months we should move on to three times a day and more 'finger' food
 - she doesn't have to stick to veg now, we can give her pretty much anything (other than egg white, honey or peanut butter)
 - she suggested we try yoghurt, custard, tuna mornay, casserole meat...

It's crazy to think that it's already been a month that we've been doing solids. It feels like we had been progressing nicely, but seems we could have been moving faster - things are really about to ramp up.

I had a rough idea this might be coming after another friend had indicated that while at a stay-in sleep clinic the nurses were giving her 5.5mth baby toast, muffins and cake. She now gives her baby three meals a day - for breakfast the other day her baby had toast, rice cereal and half a banana.

My baby could be eating toast in a fortnight...!

Bed time

We still don't have a set routine/bed time for the baby - she's started to work out her own.

We had a few rough weeks of her waking every three hours during the night, coinciding with me finding it a lot harder to get to sleep - meaning I was getting sleep in 1.5 hour pockets. No fun.

The last few nights, she's going up to five hours between feeds at night - last night she fed at 8pm, 1.30am and 6.30am. This has been good in that we can sit with her on the couch for a little bit, then settle her to sleep (quite quickly now!) and have some time where the husband and I can sit and catch up and watch tv with all four arms free.

She did wake up for the day at 7.30 the other morning - I finished feeding her and she just had no intention of going back to sleep. She lay in the bed next to me, all wrapped up, singing and cooing and being adorable. I managed to trick her in to napping twice for about 15 minutes, but then she decided to wake me up by whacking me in the face. Both times.

It's probably a good idea that she goes to sleep and wakes up earlier - it would be no good to have a todder/small child up until 11.30 at night and starting her day at lunch time. It also means we'll be able to get out and get more done when she's actually able to do more things.

The only difficulty being that we head out for family dinners twice a week, and don't get home until after 9pm - but we're very lucky in that both sets of parents have bought portacots, so we can still get some of that earlier sleep out of her.

Dear Baby - Month #5

Dear baby,

Happy five month birthday! Your father  and I were just talking the other day about how it doesn't seem like you've been around for five months; but then it seems so long ago that I stood at the end of our bed, flicked on the light near the wardrobe and announced to the husband: "it's baby day".

We've had our most eventful month yet. You got your hips scanned the day before you turned four months old, and you've spent most of the month in your pavlic harness. Well, most of the month in most of your pavlic harness - you spent the first two weeks slipping your feet out of the stirrups so that they slid up your leg, but the physio turned the leg pieces around and now you're properly jammed in there. I also had my turn at being the patient and had my hand plastered up - you were very spoilt by your daddy for those two weeks!

It's been weeks since you had your last bath, and you've only really had a few sponge baths too. It's not as much fun for either of us, but you do make it easy by cracking up whenever we undress you. Your father worries that this is something you need to grow out of soon!

We've been powering through with your eating too - we're currently working on peas and (unsurprisingly) you're not really falling for them. I don't blame you because they're squishy and gross and contain the most 'solid' type texture with that icky skin, but we have to keep trying until you 'like' them. You're also getting through 1.5 tablespoons of that sweetened farex - I'm going to need to do some reading as we're rushing towards the six month mark where it starts to become more important for you to eat! It's not long to Christmas and then all of a sudden you'll be six months old.

I'm seeing more and more what a happy, lovely and contented baby you are - quite a few people have commented on how you're smiley and chilled out. It's funny (well, 'funny') to remember how worried I was about you not smiling. How worried I was that I was boring you, or not smiley enough for you, or not enough fun. And now you'll smile so often, so easy.

In the last few weeks, you've really been getting this day sleep thing down pat. And it's helping us both. Not only are you less likely to be feral of an evening, I can count on my little 45 minute windows to get stuff - do the dishes, hang out the washing, tidy the bathroom. And on days when the house is already tidy (like today!) I can sit a little longer and check out my email and facebook without feeling guilty. It helps me to feel that I'm more on top of it all - that I've got a better understanding of being a mum. I'm no longer asking you if you love me, I'm telling you how we've both got it under control.

Baby - you're adorable. You're cuddly, you light up when I come to get you out of bed, and you'll sing and screech and squawk. You cry when it's time to sleep, you laugh when I give you upside-down-kisses, you'll sit and ponder my clothes when I hold you on my lap. You pull faces when you eat, you sit in the sunshine while I hand out the washing, you look at me in the mirror when we pass.

These are the days and the moments I always want to remember.

Looking out

We moved the baby out of her bassinet attachment on the pram so that she's forward facing now.

It's a little sad to not be able to see her peering up at me, so every so often I sort of peer around the top to see what she's doing.

She is happier in it though - sitting there, looking out at the world, holding on to her shoulder straps like they're little baby suspenders. Although she doesn't sleep anywhere near as well in there - there's just too much to see!

It's these little things that make me realise just how much she's growing up - I don't have a newborn anymore!

Compare the coast

We got back yesterday from our coast trip with friends - it was lovely and quiet!

The boys were able to get out fishing, and the girls and babies did manage to get out of the house for a bit (not easy to coordinate the different feeding and napping times!). We did a lot of sitting and chatting and eating (tsk tsk!) and I'd gladly go back to the same place - very well set up for a group like ours.

It was also really interesting to see the differences between the baby and the slightly older (boy)baby.

Our baby is generally smilier and lower maintenance, in that she's happy to sit on your lap and just chill for a bit. She's less coordinated, flappier with her arms and toys, and sucks her hands/toys a lot more. She has way less hair and way more fat rolls. She's easier to get to sleep. She doesn't eat as many solids.  She doesn't say 'mum'. She spews a lot more!

It will be interesting to look back on this later in the month and see  how much she has caught up.

Holidays

It doesn't seem like all that long ago that we were at the beach, but we're headed off again.

We have hired a beach house for the weekend with three other couples - we'll have 8 adults, our almost 5 month old, an almost 6 month old and a 2.5 year old, all under the one roof.

Unfortunately, it's only meant to get up to about 21 degrees the whole time, but it will be nice to have company around the whole time.

I hope!

Foods

Cauliflower!

She loved it!

Its only been in the last few years that I've been able to enjoy cauliflower.... nice work, baby!

We try each food for 3-4 days before trying a new one - I guess at some stage I'm meant to double back and start revisiting and/or combining them?

I have some reading to do though - when to start fruit, when to start proteins.... and as a vegan, heaven help me when I have to start cooking meat again for her!

Brocolli

There's a cliche with new mum's that all they can talk about is their baby, and the baby's poop, and how tired they are.

But I gotta tell you... about poop.

I mentioned the baby had had a few days between action.... until tonight. Conveniently enough, after my cast came off.

She woke up after a 40 minute nap, and as soon as I got in to the room, I smelt poop. Which is rare, because I tend to get the smell of her poop and her other business mixed up.

In the name of good taste, I'll keep it to this: the advantage of a baby on solids is that their poop clings to itself better than it did before. Plus it had spots of broccoli in it.

Two hands!

My hand is back in action!

I've changed a few nappies and an outfit. I carried her through the baby shop in search of a new wrap. I was able to fed her sitting up, burp her and get her in and out of her bed.

Tomorrow I get to go back to mothers group. I get to go grocery shopping alone. I get to do more Christmas shopping!

And I get to hug her whenever and as much as I want.

Two hands

I briefly mentioned that I'd managed to steal a hug the other day.

It wasn't until I finally had her in my arms that I realised how much I missed just that.

I do wonder whether our limited contact over the past 12 days has had an impact on our relationship. At the very least, the husband has shown me how much of a better job I could be doing. When he is with her, she has 100% of his attention.

I do know that we've been in a unique position - as it is safer for her to be spending time with him and his two hands, I've been doing a fair amount of housework, so he has been able to not worry about it so much. Her sleeping has improved SO much during the day too, so she is in a better mood and there is more 'free' time that lets us recharge. And or days haven't been starting until 12pm or later, as we have been getting to bed later.

It will be 'interesting' when he is back at work and it is just the two of us again...

Laughing

The husband has the knack for getting the baby to giggle.

As you start, she'll smile bigger and bigger until it seems impossible for her mouth to take up so much room. Quite often, she'll give a little squeal and then you've really got to work for it - her laugh has a funny tone - it comes from more inside, like a more nasal and muffled noise.

- Make chomping noises at her as you move closer to raspberry her belly.

- Hum the Jaws theme as you get sloooooooooooowly closer before tickling her.

- Hold her tight and lean down towards your toes, calling out 'upside down hugs!'.

- Shoosh her around above your head and steer her side to side like a rocket.

- Take off her clothes and tell her 'give me that!' as you pull her arms in through her sleeves.

I can only really do the first one - and it's harder for me than it is for her daddy. Her face just lights up when she see's him - she knows he is more than likely to give it a go each time he sees her.

Two days...

... without a poop.

Guess it's a fantastic time to not be able to change a nappy...!

All jokes aside, if it doesn't arrive tomorrow I'll be hitting the prune juice to help her get a wriggle on.

(And I got my longest post-surgery cuddle yet today - I can't wait till I can hold her all on my own again!)

Appointment two

We had our second visit with the physio today, to check up on the baby's harness.

She said the baby's skin is doing beautifully - there can be issues with friction/dampness and the harness, so it's good there are no problems.

She switched the two leg pieces around - this should hopefully stop her slipping her feet out and letting the harness rise up her legs.

She said when the time comes, she shouldn't need to transition out of it - some babies need an extra month after their three months, and they often just wear it at night during this transition (though many people have said it's not worth the hassle of on/off/on/off).

She said that there's a slight chance she might only need it for 6 weeks - we get another scan on the Monday before Christmas and seethe pediatrician the Wednesday before Christmas. Which I shouldn't think about, but I can't help it....

It doesn't bother her, but she looked very happy to be straightening her legs out and not as happy to be getting it put back on again.

Down for the count

Since the move to the cot, baby has been sleeping more often during the day. Almost bang on 90 minutes - as soon as she starts getting grumpyish or yawning or rubbing her eyes - the husband wraps her up and puts her in bed and she is asleep almost straight away.

She went down at about 7:30pm, after a feed that included a full serve of farex (and she's had potato today too), she's been soundly asleep for 2 hours. It looks like she has gone down for the night.

At worst, she'll wake up a few times tonight - which is pretty normal.

At best, she might just sleep through?

Get it out

Baby had her first nappy blowout in the harness late last night.

You know what's worse than a baby pooping out of their nappy?

A baby that's saved up a 'I'm-starting-solids' poop for 36 hours that spills out of a nappy and on to their outfit and pavlik harness so that they get more poop on the harness as you take their outfit off; then you get to undo parts of the harness to rinse it then dry with a hairdryer but then the hairdryer stops so you hand dry it with toilet paper; then you work out how to do the harness up and hope you've done it right and then the baby pees on her other leg; then you get that sorted and dress her and she spews down the back of her outfit on to the back of her harness; then you get to undress and redress her again and it's past 11pm and she's overtired and potentially hungry again because she just pooped, pee'd and spewed all her food out.

That's what.

Cot

Saturday night, the baby had her last feed at 11.30pm.

Then 1.00am.

Then it's all a jumbled mess where she was fed twice and resettled a few times at 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 8am and 10am.

When she was ready to nap, we put her in her cot. I'm not sure why, but I think it stemmed from both the husband and I wanting to teach her a bit of a lesson.

And the she napped for two hours (pretty much previously unheard of).

When we put her to bed at 11 last night, we kept our fingers crossed. Then she fed at 2.30am and we cursed her out.

And then she slept until 8am until I woke and went to check on her and then bumped the baby monitor which started to play music which woke her up. The husband resettled her then, and again at 9am. She fed at 10am, and after an hour or so of laying in with us, went back in her cot for her second two hour nap in two days.

I also had myself a 2 hour nap.

Aside from the small part of me that's worried she could be unwell with all this sleep, I am ecstatic with the cot. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Post Operation

The operation went seemingly well.

It took an hour and 8 stitches, but I came home the same night - on the one hand its a shame to have missed my 'free' night's sleep, but better for the baby and the husband that I was here.

I can do 3/4 of the things I need to - just can't pick up / hold / change the baby. We lay her on the bed or a feeding pillow to feed and sometimes I just sit with her until she needs something (then the husband comes to rescue us).

It doesn't hurt (yet?) but is frustrating to be slow at stuff now. The painkillers they gave me aren't suitable for breastfeeding, so I hope it doesn't start to hurt.

We're also getting used to having our own ideas on how things 'should' be done. I'm sure there's more on this to come....!

Operation

I have to fast from midnight tonight in preparation for a trip in to hospital.

I have a 'tumour' in my finger - basically there is a bump that they don't know what it is but think it's vascular. It grew a little while I was pregnant and has grown a bit more since then so I am keen to take it out.

On the plus side, I have to stay in hospital overnight, so I should get an okay sleep. It will also be nice to find out what the lump is and to not have to worry about it.

On the bad side... where to start?!
 - My whole hand is meant to be in plaster for at least two weeks. Hello, helpless.
 - Stitches / pain / scary surgery....
 - The anesthetic will be in my blood for 24 hours so I will be pumping and dumping that milk... I also wonder if I'm going to leak everywhere while I'm knocked out!

I've asked the husband to come and sit with me, and to bring the baby. I'm very lucky in that he's able to take time off work to care for me and the baby, so it will be nice to have this last bit of time where I can easily hold/feed the baby - I'm not allowed to get the plaster cast wet, so I will be somewhat limited in my baby interaction (if I can't get water on it, I surely can't get milk / poop / etc on it).

We'll see how it all goes - be right back!

Solid start

We started solids with the baby last week.

Sweet potato - she wasn't that in to it. She kinda got the idea, but had a pretty consistent gag reflex to it. They say this is pretty common (I mean, if you only drunk for your whole life and then had a solid in your mouth, you'd probably be pretty tempted to pull a grumpy face and cough it back up), but she never really seemed to enjoy it. Though I was doing my damndest to make it fun and entertaining, so I was totally cheering her on as she was trying to expel it back out.

Farex - this is meant to be like liquid gold for babies (full of iron!) but everyone I know that has given it to their baby reports that they don't like. Her response was pretty much the same as it was for the sweet potato - a bit of coughing, starting to turn away after a while, cracking it after not too long.

Potato - wow. This was the first time she actually didn't retch straight away. She opened her mouth like she does for her dummy or when she's trying to jam a toy in there. She smiled all the way through. She probably ate half of her teeny tiny container of. I tell you what - I did the right thing by gorging myself on hot chips while I was pregnant!

We've also given her pear in a mesh bag a few times - she does love it. To a point. Then she gets cranky that all the sucking is not actually giving her anything. It's also a bit naughty because until our success with the potato I was  worried that we'd have to stop the solids for a week to give her tastebuds a break and start back with plain tasting veg all over again - you're not supposed to give babies sweet stuff too early because then they favour only sweet things and won't eat other stuff. I did try a piece of apple too, but didn't really think about how tart it would taste to a baby until my dad pointed that out. Oops!

Paused

Apologies for the dead air over here!

I just reread Thursday night's post and can see how tired I was.

Thursday, baby didn't nap a lot, she went 36 hours between poops, she was still getting over her needles and she was only feeding in two minute bursts. By the time we got home from dinner with the husband's family, she was well and truly jack of it. She would switch at the drop of a hat between dozing, crying, smiling and giving just THE saddest face. We gave her some panadol and settled her down to sleep, and she was okay.

Friday was better. We still gave her panadol at the end of the day when she went totally ratty, but she took the day a lot better. I went out to dinner with friends and was able to relax a bit, and concentrate on normal adult talk rather than freaking out about my poor baby.

She's pretty much back to normal now.

She's getting used to having just her arms wrapped when she sleeps, rather than her whole body (we're not allowed to wrap her legs as it pushes her legs towards each other - this is the only restriction on how he hold her). This is even quite timely as it's getting warmer.

She's kicking and stretching and moving her legs pretty well too - perhaps her muscles are loosening out.

We've had her on her tummy a few times - now we're sure to prop up her front half, otherwise she tips down towards her face. She even looked like she was trying to scootch forward this morning.

She had her first sponge bath this evening. She was happy because she LOVES having her clothes taken off. I don't know what's caused it, but whenever you pull clothing on or off her head, she gives the biggest grin. I am hoping we will get permission in the near future to be able to take the harness off for an hour and give her a real bath, so she can stretch and we can get her properly clean. Although I don't know how'd she react to having the harness put on again.

She spends her day  in a size 0 short sleeved/pantless onesie (she had just moved up to 00 this week), with socks and a bib. The weather is not too bad so her arms don't get cold, a lot of her leg is covered with harness and the socks keep her feet warm. The bib is handy in that we don't have to change her clothes too much, but also limits how wet she can get the harness (to limit it chafing her skin).

It's not so bad - it really helps that she is happy enough.

Hip

We were not just being hypochondriac's.


The right hip demonstrates dysplasia. There is reduced femoral head coverage at 40% and the alpha angle is reduced at 45y. Ossification centre however is identified within the femoreal head.


The degree of change on the right hip would warrant active treatment with a Pavlic harness.


The baby is now in her harness.

The ultrasound went well - she stayed still and happy for 95% of it. She didn't poop on the table. She engaged the scanner and the doctor with her raspberry skills.

I couldn't tell anything while they were scanning, I was trying to keep her entertained and happy. Once she had finished, the scanner stood up and said she was just going to check it with the doctor. When I told her that I'd put the nappy on her, she said that I could just cover her with the towel as they like to kick around and the doctor wouldn't be a minute.

As soon as she left the room, I knew.

The Dr told us the baby would need to be harnessed for at least 4-6 weeks. Her hip socket is meant to be like an egg in an eggcup, but her right eggcup isn't quite right. He called my GP and he said she would explain more.

We saw the GP yesterday and she called through to the pediatrician. She explained that it really doesn't bother the babies - it tends to upset the mothers more. I told her I was glad to be getting it sorted now, in the hopes that it would all be done and dusted before Christmas.

We saw the pediatrician this morning. He explained that it was lucky that we caught it. Normally, they don't bother about checking just for skin folds. When he re-examined her he noticed that one leg looks slightly shorter than the other. Had this been the 6 month check, he probably wouldn't have bothered getting it scanned. He indicated that there is a higher occurence in girls, though he didn't say what might have caused it as such. She will be in the harness for at least 3 months, with a checkup ultrasound just before Christmas (halfway through) to ensure it's getting better rather than worse. If it's not getting better then we'll need to look at 'other options'. I don't know what they are. He mentioned that there are 1-2% of children that have a hip problem that evolves - it isn't there when they are born but gradually gets worse. I don't know if this is her. He called the physio to check that they had a large harness as she was 'a bit chubby'. He later explained that this is because most babies are put in to the harnesses at 6 weeks of age (she showed no signs at 6 weeks). He also commented that I was doing really well with feeding her - she 'looks like a formula fed baby'.

We saw the physio at lunchtime today. I sat in the car and gave the baby a bottle feed while we waited and then took a last 'harness free' photo. We had already made sure she had a few 'last' baths - by the time she's allowed out, she'll be too big for the baby bath.

The physio was lovely and understanding. She told me that she hasn't had a session where the baby gets the harness put on and the mother doesn't cry. Quite often, the baby will cry. I didn't cry. Baby didn't cry. She told me that the 40% is not so bad. She also told me that if it hadn't been picked up, she'd be needing a hip replacement in her 20's.

It's not really so bad. We can't take it off her. If she gets it dirty, we have to clean her in it. We have to facewasher wash her. We will have to put cornflour in her folds and makes sure the harness doesn't get wet or her skin can get (something that I can't remember, but red and shiny and then heaven knows what). It straps across her chest and over her arms. Her legs are up at a 90 degree angle, falling flat. We have to hold her like a koala or we can sit her on the edge of a table. We can't pull her legs together. We can't use her feet to change her nappy. We can't put her on her sides. We have to encourage her on her belly with her funny leg position and she doesn't like it. She can't straighten her legs, but she can kick them out. She should be able to wear pants, but they have to be a size larger and loose so they don't pull her legs together.

She saved her tantrum for when she was home. Her cry was a really angry cry. She is so frustrated.

That's the hardest part.

More chitter chatter

I've been making an effort to speak to the baby more. And I think it's paying off.

When she's awake, she's making a fair amount of noise (in a good way) and I'm doing all I can to encourage her - talking back to her like shes making sense, copying her, or telling her she's not making sense.

I am now that woman that walks around the shops talking nonsense to a baby.

Feed the baby

The baby and I travelled country this weekend with some of my family for a family reunion.

A pleasant surprise was how well she slept in the portacot that the hotel provided - 12:30-6 and 6:30-9:30.

An unpleasant surprise was how vocally she was opposed to the idea of being covered with a light wrap to be fed. I tried to feed her after dinner at our table at the back of the room - I was sitting with my parents, my three brothers and two of their partners, so wasn't particularly interesting in whipping out a boob. Well. She was VERY clear that she didn't want the wrap on and so she wouldn't eat.

I then tried her in the 'parents room' of the club (a disabled toilet with one of those wall change stations) but it was so bright that she just stared around and smiled.

I then managed to feed her in a storage room to the side of a stage, between a bin and a mattress.

I felt like the phantom of the opera.

But at least she ate!

Dear Baby - Month #4

Dear baby,

Today, you're four months old. You're currently laying on me, making it a little hard to type - but I shouldn't really complain, it's nice in its own way that I can get you to settle a lot of the time when others can't.

You had your four month needles today. I was a little worried about it because I knew you have more of an idea of pain now - I accidentally clipped your thumbnail too short last week and you made it very clear that you were in pain. And even though it only lasted half a minute or so, you were putting little blood dots on your cheek and your bib and your outfit for half an hour, and my guilt lasted well in to the night. So far, you've not been too bad today. Last time, you were a bit ratty on the Wednesday, so I'll try not to count my chickens too early.

Sleep this month has been a little worse than last month. You did have two good nights when we were down the coast but it must have been the sea air. Last night was the worst in a while - you woke up six times between 2 and 6am. Each time, you were crying with your eyes closed and settled as soon as I popped a dummy in - I'm blaming gas.

As the months go on, my 'bad' days are fewer and further between. You go roughly two hours between naps, and we're getting better at making use of this time - you're better at sitting in your chair while I tidy, or you're happy enough in the pram. We play more, now that you grab on to toys and can steer them towards your mouth, and you've restarted your raspberry noise which brings an extra level of chattiness with you. You're starting to copy the noises we make sometimes - you were imitating my 'yeah!' noise after each raspberry yesterday, because I made it for you each time you stuck out your teeny tiny tongue.

Tomorrow, you're getting an ultrasound on your hips for potential hip displaysia. I hope it's nothing. But all we can do is see what they say. Maybe you're just like your mummy and prone to hypochondria?

We've started solids now too. In the last few days I've given you some pear in a mesh chewing bag on two different occasions - you were a big fan of it! Yesterday you even cried when it was no longer in your mouth. It's pretty crazy to know that you're piecing together that cry = unhappy, not just cry = everything that you are feeling. We were advised to start solids from four months to help us out while I'm in plaster this month - because we had no potato or rice cereal in the house, your first actual solid was sweet potato. You weren't that big of a fan... but then, I can't really compare it to anything else as it's the first time you've had anything other than breast milk to actually eat! We'll try the rice cereal on Thursday, then I vote for potato before we look at greens.

Your feeding has sped up, and we can get you fed and changed within half an hour, 90% of the time. This gives us more play time, and also lets me feel less of a dairy cow, and more able to 'enjoy' feeding time, rather than resent the fact that I'm parked for an hour with only two hours of 'free' time before I have to do it again.

It's hard for me to step back and see what has been most the most important events this month. You're doing lots of little new things across lots of different skill steps. You had your first laugh, though just the once - there's been a few 'almost' laughs since then, but not quite the same. I hope we get more of this before Christmas!

I'm hoping that this month will also bring on the rolling - though to be fair, I need to get you on the floor more for that to happen. Maybe that will be my deal with you... you sleep more and I'll help you develop?

I put you in your bassinet after that last paragraph and now I can hear you raspberrying through your dummy - you're awake.

Best go shower so I can be in bed to feed you again, in hope of settling you down for the night....!

Scanning

We had the doctor's appointment earlier this week, and baby is going in to get her hips ultrasounded on Tuesday.

The GP didn't say anything either way about whether she thought it would be an actual issue.

I don't know if that's good or bad or neither, so I'm trying not to think about it.

Instead I'm thinking about how on earth are they going to keep her still/in place while they zoom in on her? And if she'll wreck the scanning table (as she's prone to do when she has her pants off for any extended period of time)? And what if she gets hungry halfway through?

Spots

I was cutting the baby's nails earlier in the week, and just as I got to the last finger - she moved.

I cut her nail too short and clipped some of the skin on her finger.

She knew what was going on.

She let out an angry, hurt cry.

It's 'funny' to see/hear these things and know (to some degree) what she means. Like it was a very specific 'that hurt!!!' cry.

She seemed fine very quickly. Me not so much. It looked so sore and it spotted blood on everything she touched (her new cupcake onesie, her bib, her cheek, her belly). I had to bandaid it and put a sock on it and keep apologising over and over.

I guess it was going to happen eventually. I'll just need to wait until she's asleep until I do it again!

Turnaround

Baby has started to feed a lot shorter. She's still having 6 or so feeds a day, but there's less than 15 minutes feeding time in total, meaning we have a turnaround of about 30 mints in the feed-change-feed cycle.

She can now stay awake for an hour and a half to two hours before she gets to her tired phase.

She falls asleep a lot quicker, mostly by herself (with the dummy! Now I know why people love them!).

She can hold herself in a sit when I hold on to her legs.

When I put her in my lap facing me, she can hold her head up off the ground like in a mini-crunch.

When I tickle under her arms chanting 'ticka-ticka-ticka' she smiles and coo's and curls up her body.

She looks at things and you can tell she's actually looking at them.

Family, friends, nurses - they've all commented on how she looks for me / tracks me around a room.

She really is growing and changing so quickly.

She's my little girl!

Huggies

Yesterday, baby slept through until 7am, and then again until 11. Meaning I also got to have a good sleep.

When I heard her stirring I got up to check in on her - she was laying in her bassinet, a bit goofy smile on her big goofy face.

It was so nice a change from the day before. I swooped her up in my arms and went for a total Huggies-ad-style hug.

She stunk of poop, but it was really sweet nontheless.

Grey

Yesterday was a bad day.

Not only was there a snake in the yard that I thought had bitten my teeny-tiny dog, but the baby was in a mood. She fed often, but only in short spurts. She spat up a lot. She would cry like she was gassy, but straighten out like a board when I tried to burp her. She cried for no reason and for no solution.

It got to late in the day and I called the husband to see when he would be home, he said he would be leaving shortly. And I set off to walk the baby through the house and had the picture in my head of my hand slapping down on a big, red 'too hard' button. Like if there was one, it would have been pressed.

I lay down on the bed with her as the sun set. She lay over one arm and screeched. And I realised that I couldn't really think clearly. Like there was a swampy fog of gray rising up.

I lay my other arm over her belly and settled in the pillow.

And then she sucked on the dummy and started to fall asleep.

I don't know what the grey was, but it was the first time I started to feel like all of this was swallowing me up. Slowly, but surely.

It wasn't long before the husband got home and could see how I was feeling. She was still cranky, but he was lighthearted. He could sense it was a bad day and he's been great about keeping her occupied.

She didn't sleep well on Sunday night, so I didn't sleep well either.

I'm writing this on Monday and publishing on Tuesday

I'm hoping that when I read this, published, I can look back with a knowing smile that it was just 'one of those days'.

Baby brain

Urgh.

I went to do my tax online today (nothing like last minute!) and was plugging all the data in to the website after remembering exactly where I needed to go.

I thought it was odd that it needed me to enter more info on the husband's data.

And that it was all online this year, rather than needing to download that crappy software.

And that they offered a service for $60 where you can get accountants to check it before it is submitted.

And then I realised I had just entered a buttload of our personal data in to some random website that was definitely not the etax website.

Here's hoping we don't get our identities stolen/bank accounts emptied thanks to my stupid baby brain.

Urgh.

Fatigue

One of the ladies in one of the online mothers groups I'm in posted some nformation from a journal article the other day.

Here is an extract that I found really interesting (my own bolding):

Together, the repetitive work of managing a household and caring for an infant cannot be
completed by one person. Nevertheless, the prevailing stereotype is that only paid employment is defined as work. Many women seek to assume the increased workload singlehanded and to spare their partners who are ‘working’. Severe exhaustion in mothers of newborns is not named as occupational fatigue, perhaps because of pejorative stereotypes that label them as‘not working’ or ‘stay-at-home’. These stereotypes mean also that the domestic setting is not conceptualised or named as a workplace and consequently does not benefit from considerations of occupational safety, including responsibility for managing worker fatigue. Infant care is far more time-consuming than can be imagined and all other household activities are slower and
more difficult to complete when caring simultaneously for a baby. It is not accurate to define the times when an infant is asleep as spare time, not only because there are invariably other household tasks to complete but also because there is no true freedom either to rest or to pursue leisure activities because of the essential primary responsibility for the baby. The tasks do not remit on weekends and, in general, women have much less leisure than had been anticipated. In the absence of a clear evidence-base to management of fatigue, it can be normalised, or responded to with advice that might be unproven, ineffective and difficult to implement including ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ or ‘get more help’. 

Fatigue has been regarded as symptomatic of depression, but an alternative view is that it arises because the unpaid workload of mothering a newborn, especially one with unsettled behaviours, is severely underestimated.

Spot on!

The tiredness and the time-suck are two things I couldn't really have any idea about. Pregnancy tiredness is so different (and no less real) than post-baby tiredness. I'm not that 'tired' that often, but I've definitely felt fatigued, and still do (at least once a week!).

And as involved as the husband is, I don't think he has a real understanding/appreciation for what the days are actually like around here.

It's definitely something that I'll remember for all the mums I meet - more admiration for those with older and/or multiple kids, and more proactive understanding for those who will be having children in the future!

Little hands

I'm sure you've all seen footage or pictures of breastfeeding babies, little hands wandering everywhere.

I'm going to be honest and say that I always found that a little creepy. But then, it's pretty clear that I had very little idea of what breastfeeding would actually be like. I think I'm worse than the husband when it comes to seeing others feed - how much is the right amount to look and how much is too much/not enough?

I know it's not creepy. Except when they're old enough to ask for it - that still seems creepy (I guess we'll see if my opinion changes as baby gets older? I hope it doesn't...).

Anyway.

My point is, I love baby's little wondering hands. It shows me that she's 'present in what's happening. Mainly she just runs her hand back and forth along my tshirt, and in my head she's singing 'thank you, thank you! Nice work, mummy!'. Or she's rustling the other breastpad so that the husband rolls over in bed to try to work out what that noise could possibly be - I like that two ways, because it shows she's getting more coordinated, but also that she's a little bit cheeky.

Folds

Baby had a weigh in yesterday at 16 weeks - she's 62cm long and 6.7kg. This nurse said she was growing beautifully - I'm glad they don't seem to be worried about her growth anymore.

And then.

The nurse pointed out that the fat folds in baby's thighs are not even - one leg has an extra 'v' of fat in it. And this is an actual medical thing.

An imbalance in the thigh fat on a baby can indicate hip displaysia. Luckily, it's not the most accurate indicator, and it's only recent, so I don't think we have much to worry about.

We have an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday to see what she thinks - if they're concerned, baby will get her first ultrasound. The nurse who found the folds said that doctors often think that they are over-reacting, but it's better to catch it sooner rather than later - if she has got some displaysia, she'd be in a brace for a while.

Fingers crossed it's nothing but my predisposition for hypochondria!

Napping

Yesterday was the first time I really noticed the impact of the baby not having a nap.

We're still in a pretty good pattern most nights - she'll go down at about midnight after a feed in bed, sleep through until somewhere between 5:30 and 8:00, then feed and nap until sometime between 9:00 and 12:00. I think she has an afternoon nap in her bassinet most days, but there is usually also at least one nap on either the husband or I.

I'm in my second last week of mothers group, so after a 6:30 feed, baby was awake again at 9:00 (from all the moving around the room, I think). We headed to mothers group (starting at 9:30) and she fed during the group and sat happily.

I met a work friend for lunch - which was great! The baby napped for about 20 minutes... and then.... cried. Unless she was being held. Making it a bit hard to get out of the shops steering the pram one handed, and cutting short my plan to pick up a gift for the 1st birthday party I'm going to on the weekend.

It wasn't little cry either - it was full on trembling lips, sad pouts and tears.

And then she cried until I started feeding her.

And cried after I fed her.

And cried when I had to put her down to change her, to go to the bathroom myself, to let the homeshop delivery man in.

She just wanted to be held - so she finally napped for 2-3 hours, laying on me.

I am glad she's a morning napper, that works best for me and sleeping in. But I think the majority of mums/babies are lunch nappers, meaning there's going to be stuff on in the mornings.

Damn.

Magic eye

Baby has been rubbing her eyes. Initially, I thought it was because of the sniffles she had, that she was congested in the head and didn't understand, but now I think it could be something more.

I told the husband about the recommendation to squirt breast milk in to her eyes, and he laughed and didn't realise it was an actual healing thing.

I've only done it late last night and once this morning - it's not easy! I mean, it's a little moving target and not the easiest thing to aim with... that and she keeps opening her mouth to feed. Poor confused thing.

If it's any worse/still there at the end of the week, we might have to book in baby's first doctors appointment.

Coast trip

We had a wonderful time down the coast.

It was so nice to be in warmer weather, without the pressure of housework/gardening hanging over our heads.

The baby slept most of the drive there, and only kicked up about 30 minutes of fuss as we got closer.

She slept 6 hours and then another 6 hours on the first night, then went 11 hours between feeds on the second - I think I got 8 hours sleep that night!

We went to the beach and she put her toes in the sand and the water - I wouldn't say she loved it, but she didn't hate it either.

We ate breakfast at cafes, lazed around the house, had takeaway dinners and just enjoyed being away from it all.

The husband commented that we should do stuff like that more often (he wasn't that excited about going away!), and I think he's right. We have to make the time to have these lazy types of days.

Anniversary

We're off to the coast for two nights this afternoon.

It's meant to be rainy and almost 10 degrees cooler there.

Fingers crossed the weatherman is wrong and we can capture baby's first trip to the beach.

Dressed up

I gotta tell you - the baby is acting totally smiley and adorable at the moment. Like all week.

And THEN I put her in a DRESS and she is MORE than TWICE as cute.

It's really quite magical!

Bright sides

Part of making the days more enjoyable is making sure to look at the bright side of things.

So when the baby vom's on my jeans at mothers group before I meet work friends for lunch? Hey! At least you can't tell.

And when she drools all over her bib and then I realise I took the spare one out of the bag (for some unknown reason) earlier that morning? Hey! Let's just buy another one.

And when she has also vom'd on her onesie? Hey! It's a great excuse to go to Target and buy a new dress for the lovely summer weather!

Fingers crossed that sending a phone pic of her smiling in said dress is compensation enough that he doesn't think to ask if it's a new dress...

Blocks

My day is broken up in to two hour blocks.

Feeding and changing baby typically takes an hour (although of late, closer to 30-45 mins). She feeds every three hours (my baby SO smart she knows three hours down to the minute, and very kindly and sweetly alerts me to the fact), so I have up to 2.5 hours to fill.

It always starts with entertaining the baby, then getting her to sleep and in to the bassinet. Then 'free time'.

This morning, I had 45 minutes to fill - I got to hang out a load of washing, wash the bird feeders, feed the inside and outside birds, put away the dishes and do a spot of vacuuming before breakfast. Baby looked like she'd be sleeping for a bit longer so I spent 30 minutes effing around with savory pikelets that kept sticking and not cooking. Then baby woke up after I'd chucked out 12 stuffed pikelets, so I binned the rest of the batter and had cereal.

My second round of free time allowed me to do the washing up, put away some folding, bring in the bins and the mail, and prep as much as I could for dinner tonight.

My third round of free time today? I'm choosing to hold the baby as I type this and watch tv, sneaking peeks at her sleeping with her tiny angel mouth hanging open. Pretty cute.

Hugs for daddy

I'm not the only one who found last week to be a particularly good week.

Typically, we juggle the baby back and forth during the day on weekends, and don't worry to much about actually putting her down to sleep.

But more than once this weekend, when I offered to take the baby to put her to bed, or to let him do something else, he refused. And he actually said 'you get to hold the baby all week'.

Get to.

Look how far we've come.

Just for me

At family dinner last week, the baby was a little tired. Not grumpy or pouty, but just in her post-feed daze and ready for a nap.

She was sitting on her Nana and staring in to the space between her nose and the rest of the family.

But when she'd look at me, she'd smile.

And she'd look away and look back and smile.

Just for me.

That was really nice.

Slightly up

Baby had her 14 week weigh in on Thursday.

I was a little worried about it (after last weeks performance), but she hadn't seemed unhappy - the screeching of the last week had stopped.

She put on roughly 350g this fortnight (and peed ALL OVER the scales. Like crazy amounts of wee. Which made her very happy).

The nurse noted that I'm going in for surgery next month, and we talked about how I can keep my supply up. She mentioned that I might want to eat more because I'll be fasting before surgery. I told her I plan to stock our freezer full of milk between now and then so that the husband can feed her while I'm in there all day and overnight. She pointed out that by then we'll be able to have started the baby on solids and could even give her water in a bottle.

I explained that I have been calorie counting, sticking to roughly 1700 calories a day. She asked why and I explained that I wanted to be able to fit back in to my clothes. She asked if I was hungry because it was important to eat, and I explained that I'm eating a lot better than I used to - definitely more greens, protein and beans (less white bread and hot chips). She said the most important thing is that I eat properly and look after myself so that my baby can eat properly and be healthy. I told her if it was compromising her health, then I would stop.

In retrospect, that week of crying probably was linked to the change in diet - I was only on 1200-1400 calories a day at that stage. In the last week of 1700 a day I lost 1kg; in my week of 1200-1400 I lost 400g.

Wouldn't it be funny to have to eat junk food just to make my baby healthier....!

Ideas

A friend recommended Pregnant Chicken - and I love it.

The first night I clicked it, the stop story was this one - My baby won't stop crying.

It's a really good look at what is a really big deal, and is really informative on the 'Period of Purple Crying' that I'd not heard of. And this awesome suggestion for dealing with a crying baby:

Draw a moustache with eyeliner on your baby's upper lip so they look like an angry dandy while they cry.

I am hoping that just the thought of this will be enough to sustain me from actually doing it next time the baby is a little tired and emotional.

Forecast

Friends of ours had their baby 3.5 weeks ahead of ours.

Not only is it exciting to catch up with them because their baby is adorable, but it also gives us some insight in to what to expect in the upcoming weeks.

Potentially, in a month or so, our baby could be:

• holding her own toys
• wanting to be held upright more
• waking up more often during the night, but having a longer 'night' sleep
• wanting to be walked around more.

Questions

It's silly to ask her, but I do often find myself asking the baby 'do you love mummy?'.

I mean, it's not like she's able to tell me either way. And it only causes me to doubt myself/her.

Chitter Chatter

I was getting ready to head out over the weekend, and the husband was perched next to the baby, who was laying on her feeding mat on the bed.

"Mummy doesn't talk to you much, does she?" he chattered at her.

This wasn't meant to be insulting or hurtful in anyway, I had pointed out earlier in the day that I don't think I talk to her enough.

"Daddy doesn't do anything with you but talk to you!" he continued.

That night, my parents were looking after the baby so that we could head out to celebrate another birthday (hooray for having enough milk!!!) (and hooray for having parents who were willing/able to look after her for the night at short notice!!!).

They were both talking to her - cooing, agreeing, questioning and celebrating - and she loved it, smiling and cooing.

I still do worry that I'm not as bonded as I should be?

As the husband said, "there's no sooner day than tomorrow".

I am going to make more of an effort to talk to my daughter. I will talk more to my daughter.

Air (Milk) Supply

I've spent most of the last week stressing out that my milk is drying up - ever since the nurse pointed out that her weight gain wasn't as good as it had been. And then when I tried to express, I was getting a lot less. And then when I read/heard that not eating enough could reduce your milk.

Even though I knew there was a time that my milk was supposed to settle.

Even though I knew that there would be a time around week 13 when I thought that my milk would dry up (I think it's to do with a growth spurt, more efficient drinking, and milk settling).

Even though I was being constantly reassured on online forums that it didn't sound like my baby was starving.

I was a little stressed, because I had only one (small) container of milk in the freezer and I had  a bbq lunch, two restaurant dinners, a wedding and reception to attend in three days.

I've been expressing twice a day for the past few days, and offering for the baby to feed as often/more often than I normally would, to try to get my supply up. I've also upped my calories to roughly 1700 a day.

Last night, I managed to express 100ml after missing a feed while I went out for dinner.

Tonight I managed to express 160ml from each side after missing two feeds while we went out for dinner.

I'm back in business, baby!!!

I plan to express roughly every second day so that I have the freedom to be able to bottle feed / leave the house / taker her out / have a drink as needed.

Consistency

I'm subscribed to a few different newsletters that provide updates on the milestones that my baby 'should' be hitting. So far, not so bad.

However, they're recommending that the baby be put to sleep between 7 and 8:30.

That all babies need consistency, and this is no exception.

But on Monday nights we have dinner at my parents house.

On Thursday nights, we have dinner at the husband's parents house.

On Tuesdays and Sundays, the husband has sports.

Do all babies really need this consistency and time?

They say that they should be sleeping 10 hours a night, and then five hours a day over three naps.

The baby would get almost 10 hours at night - she naps on and off between 6 and 12, then typically sleeps 12 - 6 and then 7 - 10.

She naps during the day, and she's usually happy enough.

I mean, I know that having a baby will impact my 'social' life. But....?

Dear Baby - Month #3

Dear baby,

Today, you are three months old. You're a quarter of the way through your first year - which is also sad because you're really three months closer towards the end of your life...

That Curious Case of Benjamin Button has a lot to answer for. I never wanted to watch that movie because I knew it would end sadly, but the husband put it on the other night when he couldn't find anything to watch. And of course I cried at the end. But then, he cried too. You've definitely kicked off something in us, something that makes us feel more, something that's lifted the veil off a lot of human emotion, suffering and sadness in others. Everything is so precious.

This is quite a morbid start to a letter to a baby!

Last night, the husband was commenting on how much of a person you are. You let us know when you want to be upright, when you want to be cuddled, when you want to stretch and kick. You also love to play games with your daddy, and it's quite a highlight for me - he makes the kissy noise that he usually makes to the birds, and he looms slowly and closer to the top of your head. You know he's going to plant a big sloppy kiss on your head and you smile so hard that you couldn't possibly smile any more - your mouth is wide open and you close your eyes and your lids linger down in anticipation, then *MUAH* - right on the head! You love it, and he loves it, and I love it.

If you're awake in the mornings at the time he gets up, he brings you in to bed. It's a testament to how much he loves you - he is the worst morning person in the world. But between the time he hears you babbling and the time it takes him to get the eight steps to your bassinet, he is delighted. He gasps and tells you how adorable you are, he chatters and hugs you, he pretends you're a plane as you 'land' on the bed. If you're awake when he leaves for work, he always asks for his morning smile before he heads off.

On the weekend a few weeks ago, he called me in to the loungeroom with a tone of excited urgency - "look at this!". You were laying in your bassinet, happily playing with the hanging toy we put in there to encourage you to sleep facing your right (you always sleep on your left ear). He hadn't seen you occupy yourself before. It's easy for me to forget how much of your development is slipping by, how much he is missing. But you're definitely taking things in - smiling at the sheep toy that hangs on the hood of your bassinet, starting to reach out for toys on your playmat or our hands, staring at the dog when she's trying to get to you to lick you, reaching at my clothes and pulling out a breastpad while you're feeding...

I always thought that I would be the 'good cop' parent, and he would be the 'bad cop', but at the moment that's definitely not the case. I'm sorry that it's 90% business with me. But this might change next month when I need to have an operation on my hand - I'm going to be in plaster and so your daddy will need to be home with us for a few weeks. I think he's going to be doing a lot of the work, so maybe I will be the gamesmaster!

You had a few nights of sleep that lasted 8-10 hours this month, and also a few nights where you returned to 3-4 hour stints. The last few nights have gone back to 7 hours of sleep, and that's much better. You're feeding every three hours during the day, and we don't have a consistent napping schedule. Or really any schedule other than sleeping well during the night! Whenever I have to head out and about, you're pretty good at sleeping in the carseat, and will more often than not sleep in the pram. You do like to sleep on me on the couch, which is nice, but means that I don't really get anything done. We're very lucky that the husband is so good at housework on the weekends, and happy to hold on to you when he's home from work or sport so that I can whip around and get dinner ready and do a few things.

We had our first mothers group this month as well - you rocked it! The physio used you as the demo baby when talking about tummy time, and we got a lot of comments on how good your head control is. I was also very relieved to know were on track with this, and also that your left-turn preference is nothing to worry about. Your Pa skyped us this week and commented on how good you were at keeping your big ol' head up too - not only are you getting more adorable, but stronger. You love to kick at us and to use your leg muscles to try to hold yourself up - now maybe we can get your rolling to be a little more consistent...

Dress shopping

Today I wrangled the pram into a change room while I tried on a dress for a wedding on Sunday. Not so easy.

The dress was kinda stretchy so I actually got it in my 'normal' size - hooray!

Aaaaaaaaand to celebrate, baby got a new dress too.

I gotta say, it was nice to set out two pretty outfits this afternoon.

That's a plus for having a daughter over having a son.

12 week challege - week two

I had my second weigh-in for my 12 week challenge today - I lost 1.8kg.

1.4 of that was in the first two days.

So, in the last week, I lost 400g.

This is actually the recommended amount for breast feeding mums, but after the giant loss of the first two days, I'd set my sights higher.

In an attempt to make myself feel better, I retook some of my measurements.

They weren't that different.

I only exercised two days out of the five I was supposed to.

I need to focus on the fact that I am eating healthier. That I lost almost half a kilo. That I fit into old work pants. That I'm moving more than I have in two years. That things could be a lot worse.

Timing

Sadly, I attended a funeral today.

As both sets of parents are overseas, I didn't have much choice but to bring the baby along with me.

In typical style, she woke to be fed at 3, 8 and 930, so I slept again until 12 (what a life I lead!). After I slammed down some breakfast, fed and changed the baby, checked the nappy bag, defrosted some expressed milk just in case and worked out where I needed to drive, we got to the door just as the service was about to start. We were escorted down the aisle and sat about halfway down the length of the church, surrounded by people I didn't recognise.

It was a real celebration of the life he had led. One of the most light hearted and 'casual' funerals I had attended.

And just as the speeches finished and we moved in to the more 'serious' reading, baby woke up.

She squirmed, she grunted, she filled her nappy.

Loudly.

And twice more.

As a parent now, it took around two months for the husband and I to recognise the smell of dirty nappy.

It's unlikely, but I hope none of the people sitting around me were parents...