Talking

There is a small chance that The Bubby said "Mum" today - in the highchair, whinging to be let out after breakfast.

In a similar kind of milestone, over the last week or so The Toddler has started stammering a lot at the start of her sentences. A quick google has confirmed what I though - it is common at this age because they are processing so much, but it's still a little worry. It's yet another thing to think about how it might affect her and how I could protect her.

Bath fail

There are very few times where The Husband or I will do something in relation to raising our girls that the other disagrees with.

In fact, this might be the first.

The Husband has taught The Toddler to lay on her back in the bath.

It's no big deal on its own - that's how she used to bathe before she was able to sit up and made it clear she didn't want to lay down in the water anymore.... but when I'm juggling bathing two of them on a Tuesday night and drying The Bubby on the floor, then The Toddler lays in the bath with her ears under and won't respond to me yelling at her and banging on the side of the bath, I hate it.

She was fine, she didn't hear me because her ears were under - in fact, she then yelled out at me "What you doing mummy?". But it was a very stressful few seconds as I rushed to sit up where I could see her.

Twooth

And the second tooth is through!

So far, I'm happy that they're coming in a similar pattern to The Toddlers, but I had forgotten how sharp they are at first.

Peppa Pig

We saw the Peppa Pig show in Sydney this weekend.

Meh.

I mean, it was good and all, but it was $50 a seat and the toddlers had to have their own seats booked (and of course they didn't use them). The stage show wasn't as funny as the tv show, and it was aimed at an audience older than what we brought with us. Also, The Bubby wasn't such a fan of the loud noise - she was happiest during the intermission! It was good to talk to The Toddler about it, to see how much she took (she can list most of the people in the show and recall parts of what happened). In addition, I didn't get to sleep until after midnight, was feeding The Bubby at 230am to stop her waking The Toddler, then in bed with The Bubby at 530am, then in bed with The Bubby and the Toddler at 600am.

What was great though, was everything else. It was good to spend so much time with my brother and his wife, good to spend time with our adorable niece (and double adorable to watch her play with The Toddler!), good to wander the city, have breakfast and have a brief play at the park.

I'm really looking forward to going again when they're a bit older, and to having the travel thing run a bit more smoothly so that we can enjoy the time up there.

... driving away

This morning, we aimed to leave at 8am.

Then The Toddler slept in until 730 (never happens!) so we were to leave at 830.

Then The Husband had forgotton the portacot so we left at 900.

It was 230 before we checked in to the hotel.

To think, I don't know how I would pack for just myself to go somewhere now!

Packing up

Tomorrow we take the girls up to Sydney with their cousin and her parents (one of my brothers and my sister in law) to see Peppa Pig.

I have already spent two hours packing tonight, and I'm not finished.

Growing up

The Bubby's second tooth is about to break through, and I'm now more acutely aware of the presence of her bottom tooth while she's feeding. Let's hope that's as rough as she gets.

She sits up on my lap, she is more aware of where I am and what I'm doing.

Next week I start introducing her to daycare - I'll be staying longer on Thursday morning after drop off while she gets used to being without me. Which means I need to start introducing formula. And I need to make sure she's getting enough solids and variety. And I have to accept that this time, as much as I may carry on about it being a drag, is slowly but surely coming to a close. And I'll never get it back.

Good mood keeps on turning

It's so nice to have my happy Toddler back!

We've had a lovely week - we went for a walk with her uncle, we went to the arboretum park with friends, we've been watering the garden, we went to Questacon.

It's so nice to have the happy moments (and appreciate them!) outweigh the more trying times.

The Sound of Silence

Oh hey, sorry about the silence here - I'll keep it fairly brief.

The main thing keeping from the computer is that The Toddler got sick. It was a bit of a sniffle, then a cough, then watery eyes and then it kept going and going and going and then she was vomiting phlegm on my bedroom floor and it was taking everything I had not to just pack up and move away. The only thing going for her was that it happened during a coughing fit, as opposed to a gross 'proper' vomit, so my sympathy spew vibe didn't take over.

The most annoying part of The Toddler being sick is that she gets really annoying. It's like everything is a hassle, she isn't so much hot and cold as she is cold and cold, and she is in extra need of cuddles but partners that with an increased desire to lick things and put her hands on your face / in your mouth / all over your food / in your glass. It got to a point where my dad asked me who was the adult, after I complained that I couldn't always resist my urge to mock her back in her own voice when she once again whinged something at me, and my answer was that there was none - that there was a baby looking after two other babies and who on earth let it get to this. But then, after she asked to go to the doctor and we got given a script for antibiotics 'just in case', and then daycare mentioned that she had coughed all day and it would be worth giving them to her, she is finally on the mend. Yesterday was the first day in many many days that was a joy, and today proved it wasn't a fluke. I'm reminded of the last rough patch I had, just before a language explosion, and I know I need to focus on celebrating the good times and making positive interactions - I cringed when I heard The Toddler tell a crying Bubby 'Enough!', it's hard to see your flaws presented back at you for what they really are.

This was combined with The Bubby teething. Except that she didn't actually have any teeth until today - three weeks later. She had all the signs - drool, red cheeks, more drool, grabbing at her mouth, bumpy jaws - for three weeks. I am hoping she teeths similar to The Toddler, two at a time. If there a little upset or a lot upset, you can't do anything differently, but teething in twos means less instances. She is also going through a bit of a clingy phase - she cries if I leave her, then calms a little, then starts again if she sees me and realises I am not with her. As of today, she also has the cough and watery eyes of The Toddler, and The Husband is coming down with it too. With the exception of a 230 feed last night, she is also down to four feeds a day and sleeping 12 hours at night - she is still such an angel, such a delight.

It's something we're both going to need to work through as next week I have to leave her down on the floor at daycare so she starts getting used to it before she starts next year.

I have also had my ups and downs - as above, I've got to start getting my head back in to being a working mum. I had a bit of a ramble at my boss about what I liked and didn't like about work and we had a good chat and I'm a lot more excited about returning. I'm also excited about returning as a size 12 (yay!) but also settling in to the fact that this is it - there won't be any more babies to break up the next 30 years or so of my working life. So I need to work out what I want to do, and do it.

That's not so brief. I hope to be back in the swing of it now!

Feeding stretch, follow up

After that quick post-race feed, the baby did two more short feeds before she went to bed.

And I thought I'd be fine.

But I woke up at 1am and it huuuuuuuuurt.

Needless to say, I pumped almost 200ml after her first feed this morning.

Sometimes, breastfeeding can be a real pain!!

Feeding stretch

I got to compete in my first regatta today, with the dragon boating I started a bit over a month ago.

I needed to be there by 7am - urgh.

The Bubby woke up at 530 so I fed her - she did 4 minutes on one side, 2 on the other.
I didn't get the chance to feed her again until almost 130. That's 8 hours after a small feed, which was 10 hours after her last feed.

On the plus side, The Bubby took a bottle of EBM from The Husband. I'm glad she did because she had only really half fed from the bottle until now, and it had been ages since we last tried.

But there was a part of me that felt a little rejected, which is silly, because I want her to start formula for her day feeds before she starts daycare next year. And the pain in my chest kind of wanted her to feed when she arrived with The Husband and The Toddler at around 11.30am.

Anniversary

Yesterday was The Husband's and I fourth wedding anniversary, and The Husband took the day off today so we could get some stuff done.

I dropped The Toddler off at daycare and we spent the day with The Bubby - the first time since our trip to Sydney a few months ago. Although there was lots of in and out of the car and the carrier for her, I think she really enjoyed having all of the attention.

Even better, The Husband looked after The Bubby when we got home and I got a 90 minute nap! That's the best gift a husband can give his wife...

Physio follow up

I went back to the physio today - a follow up from the last visit where it turned out I was doing my pelvic floor exercises upside down (ie, doing the opposite of what I was supposed to be doing).

Good news, I'm no longer doing them upside down.
More good news, my pelvis was only slightly out.
More good news, I was able to lift my muscles by about one centimetre.
Even more good news, the exercise I've been doing

Bad news - my pelvic floor still isn't 'fixed'. I'm not sure how far I can push it, nor do I really want to try. We found some ways that I can do the exercises and tell that they're working, so I'm hoping there'll be a bigger improvement when I go back in a month.

Eczma

The Toddler has had itchy/scratchy skin for a while now, so I decided it was time to do something about it.

A trip to the chemist left us with some treatment cream and the advice to stop putting anything in her bath water, other than QV wash.

I hope it clears enough that we don't need to go down the path of working out if there is a food that we should avoid that is causing the reaction...

Dinner tantrum

We had my family over for dinner last night - it was our turn to cook family tea.

I'd been talking to The Toddler all day, telling her about how all the family would be coming to visit, so she was ramped and ready for the arrival.

However.

When it was time to come inside and eat dinner?
EPIC TANTRUM.

Our plan?

Leave her outside for a while. Then I force her in. Then she commences crazy screaming and crying jag. Then she eats two bites of dinner as bribery before being allowed to visit the cat that came with one of my brothers and his wife. Then she gets a piece of ice cream cake.

Something tells me she won't really understand why her behaviour wasn't spot on.

Courage

I try to get the whole family out on a weekend, rather than sticking around the house (seeing as I feel I'm here all the damn time!) - last weekend we went to the botanical gardens, this week we went to the arboretum.

The Toddler loves the playground there - it has four swings, two of which are the type you lay down on. In an effort to keep her away from spending two hours on a swing, we took her over to the climbing castle. And she took to it like a fish out of water.

Last time I went with her, she climbed through two rope segments to get to the second level. This time, she was climbing big round ladders and frames to heights much higher than we could reach, then going down the slide. Each time she made it to the top of the slide, she'd proclaim 'I did it!' and throw her hands out, before sliding down and saying "I did it! I do it again!" and repeating. I showed the husband where she had climbed up to last time - it's no mean feat, with the rope segments letting you see clearly how high you are. I only let her get to that second level before bribing her back because I was there alone with her and had The Bubby in a carrier on my front, so I couldn't go up and rescue her if need be.

Before we knew it, she was up on the fourth floor.

I felt sick.

It was so high, it was full of bigger kids, and other than going back the way she came, the only way to get down was a big, twisted, enclosed slide. And there is no way I would ever go down that slide.

I sent The Husband up - I was expecting to hear her thump and bump her way down and come down bawling, but someone elses daughter appeared at the bottom. And then someone elses son. And then just as The Husband kicked his thongs off to start ascending, she appeared. Facing backwards, and on her hands and knees, looking a little shocked, The Toddler.

She was so brave.

There were no tears (from either of us!) but she hasn't really stopped talking about how it was dark and scary.

It will be interesting to see if she wants to do it again next time we go.

Smug dinner

After the near-burn fiasco with The Toddler last week, I finally succeeded is blending up some pasta for The Bubby's dinner.

She went ape for it.

Pasta, pasta sauce (whole tomato, basil and garlic), cheese and peas, with a bit of water to help it mix.

It took me long enough to get in the habit of putting food aside for The Toddler, now I need to start putting a bit extra aside to blend for The Bubby.

I did feel smug about how well she took to it. That's promising.

Feeding

The Bubby has gone back to sleeping through (amazing!!!).

I am still adjusting to it (again) after my boobs got used to her waking for a feed at night. I find myself waking up on my back, for fear of setting them off.

However, her feeding has also petered out a bit. Which I feel both good and bad about.

For the most part, she is down to four feeds a day - roughly 7am, 1130, 330 and 730 (to sleep).

But, the last few mornings she has only done one side for her morning feed (OUCH), and less than five minutes at that.

On the plus side, I'm getting some more frozen EBM stockpiled, which should be handy for a few nights out.

But I'm not sure whether it is a permanent or temporary thing - should she really be cutting back her feeds already? She is a fantastic eater, but is that 'bad' if she shouldn't be just yet?

The Bubby has her needles next monday (hooray) so I think I'll ask the MACH nurse about it then.

Weight lost!

Well, I only lost 200g this week.

But I successfully achieved 'life time membership' with Weight Watchers!

So, as long as I stay at 2kg or less above the top of my healthy weight range, I will be able to go to meetings for free.

It's mixed emotions - It's nice to have achieved it, but I was hoping for a bigger loss this week.

That and the fact that a nanna pulled me over after the meeting by saying 'Oh! Congratulations on making it to life time membership! Although, you didn't really have that much to lose, did you?'.

Hrmph. 11.9kg down, hopefully another 3 to go!

Broken sleep

The Bubby has been sleeping well.

I decided once she turned 6 months on Saturday that if she woke before 5am, I would start settling her rather than feeding her, in an effort to drop that over night feed.

Sunday night at 1am, I thought we were being burgled and I was up exploring the house to make sure we weren't. The Bubby woke at 5am, The Toddler woke at 6am, 620, 640, 650 and 7.

Monday night at 1am The Toddler woke up and just walked in to our room (no idea why, I settled her back to sleep). At 5am one of the birds got his wing caught in the cage and I was on the phone to the emergency vet working out what to do. At 6am, The Bubby woke and fed only one side. Then she woke again at 630 for the other side. Then The Toddler was awake at 650 and I had to hide in The Bubby's room so that she wouldn't hear me and come out of her room 'before the sun comes up'.

Tuesday night at 130am I woke up from a nightmare that The Husbands ex girlfriend was shooting me. At 4 I woke up thinking I heard The Bubby. At 600 I fed The Bubby.

Last night I also woke around 1 and 4 and 6 (The Husband was gettng ready to ride to work), then up at 7 with The Bubby and The Toddler.

I am really hoping I can start sleeping through as well as my girls are.

Hot Pot

Well, the babies first aid course I did when The Toddler was younger just paid for itself.

I was making dinner last night. I had strained the noodles in the sink and heated up the pasta sauce in the microwave. I took it out and put veggies in, and I was in the cupboard looking for the blender so that The Bubby could have some too.

Then, from right next to my leg, I heard "What's this mummy?".

And at the moment I started my gasp and reached to pull the hot pasta sauce contained out of The Toddlers hands, the container fell away from the lid that she was using to hold it. Hot pasta sauce all over the floor and her sandals and feet.

The crying began within the same second I had whisked her off the floor, shouted "DO NOT TOUCH THINGS ON THE BENCH!" and started my run to the bathroom, yanking off her right shoe (the saucier one) to stick her in the bath with cold water running. Then I took the other shoe off and put the plug in to keep more cold water.

After her tears stopped and about five minutes, I pulled her out to have a look, but a whimper started, so she was back in the bath for a full 20 minutes. During which she cheered up immensely and stood eating plain pasta in the bath.

I am so glad there is not even a mark on her.

I am so so glad I took that first aid course - I might not have thought to whisk that shoe off as quickly as I did, or I might have tried wiping her feet, or I mightn't have kept her in as long as tried to use lukewarm water.

Play feeding

The Toddler doesn't have many dolls. She has two, but she doesn't really show all that much interest in them.

Which is why when she started playing with one the other day, I was really curious to see what would happen.

She cradled it and gave it a hug. Then she pulled up her shirt as if to feed it, and placed it on her bellybutton.

I chose to not read in to that as an indicator on sagginess on my behalf.

Then this morning, she found some of the padded inserts from an old bra of mine, and stuck them down her shirt - she told The Bubby 'it's time to feed!' and then pulled them out and left them on the bedside table.

She also tries to help with The Bubby is distracted at feeding time, by pushing on her head to say 'not watching tv! It's time to feed!' before whispering 'that's better' when it looks like she will feed.

It's adorable, but also interesting to see how much of it she has taken in. She does point and say 'milk in there' and knows kind of what's going on when I have to express. I am just glad she has never asked for any.

Changing

One of the best pieces of advice I've applied with The Bubby that I heard from a mothers group friend was when they start sleeping through, you don't need  to change their nappy overnight.

It does make the night time feed quicker and it wakes her up less.

Tummy time

It's funny how quickly you can go from feeling great about your 11.5kg weight loss to feeling flat about it, with just one sentence from your toddler:

"Is there a baby in there, mummy?"

NO.

NO THERE IS NOT.

Six months old

I can't believe it.

It's been six months since we welcomed our littlest baby girl into the world.

Six months since we first saw her little dark head and little dark eyes peer out with a grumpy glare.

Six months since the first time I cried when I held her.

Six months since The Toddler became a big sister.

Six months.

Of course, she doesn't feel that old. But it's hard to tell how old she 'feels' compared to The Toddler, largely because of the time she was in the harness.

The Bubby will roll from back to front (a lot), but very rarely goes back. She is maybe nearly close to being able to hold herself up in a sit position, but not yet. She is okay at putting food in her mouth and a real gun at eating food off a spoon.

She laughs, a lot. She was cracking up like it was amazingly hilarious when The Husband was bouncing a plastic ball outside with The Toddler in front of her yesterday. She kickes out her arms and legs when she sees me. She lights up at almost every look at her sister. She babbles and gurgles and raspberries and squeals.

She feeds 4-5 times a day now. Mostly she is in a routine of 1 early morning feed (2-5amish), 8ish, 12ish, 4ish and then to sleep (my choice, in my effort to get her to sleep through). She eats three meals a day, mostly baby mush but also baby mum-mums, toast and steamed fruit. She drinks water with her meals and loves it, smiling as soon as the cup is in her mouth and reaching out for the handles.

She holds on to toys and crinkles them. She puts a lot of things in her mouth. When she is tired she sucks her thumb, when she is extra tired she also grabs her ears or the top of her own head. Her fontanelle still pulses with her brain. She doesn't have as many neck rolls as her sister, but she is well covered nontheless. She poops like a person, not like a baby, and now 5 of her last 6 decent big poops have been presented to me while I have been changing a smaller poop.

Her hair is growing, and growing in fairer. She has a spot of stubble on the back of her head that is growing but is fun to brush against my face. She has amazing long dark eyelashes like her sister, and such expressive eyes. Her eyebrows look like her fathers, with loose hairs hanging down, but move a lot like mine. She has pinchy little grabby hands that love to hold on to my fingers. She has raised big toes that stick up like her Nanny's. She has only two folds in each thigh.

She is my baby and she is now closer to one than not.

Tether end

I didn't go to the parenting course last night.

I got a few email reminders leading up to it, but they were full of things like "Are you at the end of your tether?", "Is everything you're doing just making it seem worse?" and "I'm looking forward to connecting with you".

I sent an apology email, indicating that The Husband wouldn't be back from work in time, and the lady was lovely and said not to hesitate to contact her if I needed, at any time. Which is nice, but also reassuring that it sounds like it's something I don't really need.

In fact, something The Husband said the other day is what got me thinking more about it - he was commenting how lovely and sweet The Toddler is, and of course I agreed. "Why do you think she is the way she is? It's because she's spending time with you".

(I should note he meant it in the way that she is sweet because of me, not in a 'YOU'VE MADE HER THIS WAY!' kind of way).

I also think that the language explosion she's going through (every week! so many more words and phrases and concepts!) is helping us communicate and easing the frustration.

Joyous joyous

There is no greater joy than that which comes after a day (A DAY!) of cleaning house while The Bubby naps and lays on various floors and beds while The Toddler is at daycare.

There is space in my house again!

There is not grit in every corner and room!

Toys are in boxes and trays!

Clothes are off the floordrobe and in the wardrobe!

Mirrors are spotless!

Such a pleasure!!!

Zoo

Bad mummy sandwich:

 - Taking the toddler to the zoo (good!) but taking all the shortcuts to leave quicker (bad) because you forgot her suncream (bad) and could only bribe her in to it by buying her a paddlepop (bad).

Knees

The Bubby is getting really good at rolling over on to her belly, but not so great at going on to her back.

Now, there has been more than one occasion where she's been crying in her cot rather than napping, and I've walked in to find her at the top of her cot, on her belly.

She has also started pulling her knees under her butt. As in, the next step will be pushing up on her arms, and the step after that will be crawling.

STOP PLEASE.

Let's just focus on rolling first so we can all get some sleep, before my gorgeous baby Bubby becomes a crawler then a stander then a toddler....

Holding

When we were getting ready for the arrival of The Bubby, I know that I was mentally preparing myself for a big hard terrible slog.

My reasoning was that if I prepared myself for the worst, I could only be pleasantly surprised or I could be right - either way, it's a win.

I probably don't need to articulate in this post just how much of a dream baby The Bubby has been.

When I have taken her out shopping and had her in the pram, only a few times now, I find myself missing her.

When we went to family tea after my trip to Sydney, I didn't want my mum to hold her because I hadn't really 'seen' her much that day, and I wanted a turn.

I found there are times when I almost physically ache to hold her - I see her and I need to feel her in my arms. Or when she is in the carrier, I can't help but wrap my arms around her - she is already pretty damn close, but I just want to hold her closer.

I feel bad and/or sad that I don't remember feeling this way with The Toddler when she was younger.

I don't know if it's because she completely exceeded my expectations, or because she seems so much like me, or because I know she will be the last and every last of hers is my last too. But it's the first time I've really 'gotten' that quote about how your children are pieces of your heart on your outside.

I feel it when I look at The Bubby, when I walk in to her room and her face lights up and she throws her arms up in anticipation of being picked up. I feel in when I The Toddler leans in to my neck for a hug, or gets excited about 'the sun is up!' or she laughs with The Husband while he stirs her.

I am so lucky to have both of my girls.

Cut down

The Bubby fed at 7am, 1130am, 330pm and 800pm.

I hope we're not up all night, and that maybe (just maybe?) she's able to stretch this far now.

She had a weetbix with boiled water over it at 830am, a sachet of chicken and veg at 130pm, and a piece of toast, a baby mum-mum and half a sachet of bangers and mash (with some water) at 630pm.

Lunchtime naps

I may be (read: I am) guilty of letting The Bubby nap on me in the middle of the day.

Typically, once I've got The Toddler down for a nap, 9 times out of 10 The Bubby is due for a sleep. If I put her in the cot, she takes a little while to settle sometimes, or she most likely will only sleep for 45 minutes.

But, if I lay on the couch with her on my left arm up near my face, with my knees up, she will sleep an hour or an hour and a half on me.

The Husband got to witness this today - previously he has commented that I shouldn't make bad habits - I am hoping now he sees just how well it works!

Eating

The Bubby is up to eating three packets of food a day (yup, typical second child scenario).

I've pulled out the baby food books so I can start giving her more solid food (as opposed to puree) but I still can't get my head around what I used to do!

She is a fantastic little eater, so I hope she keeps it up.

Toilet

The other day, The Toddler decided she would sit on the toilet for the first time.

It has taken some coaxing - she first mentioned it a few months ago after one of the girls in her daycare rooms started toilet training and brought in a trainer seat. So, I went out and got one for us to use at home - but The Toddler was scared of it.

I'd gradually got her to play with it (still clean), and she had sat on it on the floor with her pants on.

I was brushing my teeth and she was brushing her teeth while sitting on the adult toilet (pants on).

We put the training seat on top of the closed toilet.

Then we took the seat to the other/main toilet.
She sat on it on the lid with pants on.
She sat on it with the lid up and pants on.
She sat on it with the lid up and pants off.

And, over about 10 visits to the toilet that day (at her request) she did two wees.

Since then, there's been five or so visits to the toilet with zero success.
Although, there has been three tantrums where she has cried for chocolate (the reward she received when she wee'd).

I don't think she knows when she's about to wee, I don't think she's ready.
But I'm not sure what to do about it when she asks to go - it usually means I have to camp out on a little stool in the toilet, holding The Bubby, making small talk about 'what's that?' (not many things in the bathroom, so it's a little repetitive).

Sleeping

I wasn't going to say anything because I don't want to jinx it - but I want to keep a record!

Four out of the last five nights, The Bubby has slept through. That's from 730ish until 6ish.

AMAZING.

Dobbby

There are times I feel like a house elf.

Like a lot of the time.

Particularly when returning home from a full day with both girls to find only a few things done around the house, not even half of the amount you would normally do while looking after both girls at home.

Yes, this is passive aggressive.
But, everyone knows I'm not cut out for house wifing.
Whinge moan b!tch.

Meet up

Today I travelled to Sydney and back to visit with some of the ladies from one of my online mothers group.

I am so lucky to have found/be found by such a remarkable group of women - it was worth the 6+ hours of driving for The Toddler and The Bubby to meet and greet their friends (friends they don't even realise they have).

The only really stressful moment being when a policecar pulled up behind me as I just finished feeding The Bubby. I had tried to stop at a rest stop but there was no shade, so I had pulled over on the right side of the highway, and seemingly on a slight bend - whoops. Luckily, he didn't (couldn't?) book me for anything, so he just told me to pull over to the left lane as soon as I could when I could, and he flashed the lights to signal when I should do so.

I also discovered that rather than just distracting The Toddler from hours of whinging 'mummy cuddles?!' at me, rubbing her foot while driving actually seems to relax her!

Taste of freedom

I went dragon boating yesterday for the first time.

I loved it.

I got up when The Toddler did at 630, fed The Bubby, got dressed and out the door.

I returned just after 10am to a house in a bit of chaos - The Toddler was 'helping' The Husband make pikelets and she emptied the full litre of milk in to the bowl while he was tending to The Bubby.

But, it didn't phase me - I was on too much of a high from my time out being me, with other grownups, doing something that I seemed to be okay at (for my first time).

Then last night, out to dinner for one of my bestie's birthdays.

I am so lucky that The Bubby got herself in to a routine, and that The Toddler is so consistent, that I was able to time it out with The Bubby's last feed just before I had to leave the house while The Husband was reading to The Toddler.

I had no worries about heading out and enjoying myself, fairly confident that The Bubby wouldn't wake until (well) after I was home.

Apart from the fact I seem to be benefiting from my 930 bedtime more than I realised!

Creeping up

Well.

It seems that my 12 or so weeks of eating well and making my habits over can be very easily undone - this last weekend cost me a gain of half a kilo at weight watchers yesterday.

Shame on me of coming so easily undone.

Courses for horses

I mentioned to the ladies at daycare this morning that I was going to the parenting course I mentioned the other day.

The director said she thought it was so funny to hear me say that about The Toddler, because she is so lovely.

And it's true, she is. And I know for a fact that she is 'better' than a lot of other toddlers I know. And there are so many sweet and funny moments I share with her - yesterday we were at the park and she was laying on the circle swing asking to be pushed higher and higher. She was sleepy (she fell asleep in the car in the morning for 30 minutes and declined a nap in her bed in the afternoon) and she was so peaceful laying there, watching me as I pushed her. And I got a glimpse of how exciting life is going to be as she grows older, as she becomes a complete person who can communicate and think and express and enjoy and share.

I am going for me.

I am going because I need learn how to be okay with everything, to chill out and roll with the punches and get over myself. Being a parent doesn't need to be some ridiculous drama, it should just be.

Duct

I think I experience my first blocked duct yesterday.

For the first time in a long time, I woke up with one boob feeling really 'full'.

It's a timely reminder of exactly why I don't want to be pumping for The Bubby when I return to work - if she is still on day feeds, we will be transitioning them to formula feeds (I'm happy to do morning and evening feeds with her).

I fed her off that side first and then pumped afterwards - I got 100ml or so out, but it didn't feel right still.

After two more feeds, and before we headed out, I headed to the ensuite to try to manually get some more out - the pump doesn't feel as 'strong' as I would like, so figured I could take a few minutes and try to sort it out myself.

I put pressure where it was uncomfortable and had only done two or three 'expressing's when I felt/heard a 'pop!' and then watched as milk just streamed. I only had my hand on the sore spot, and it was going by itself for over a minute (I started counting the seconds because I couldn't believe what was happening!) - I could also feel the sore spot deflating.

It got to the point where I was a bit worried I'd hit something else - it didn't look milk coloured as it was coming out - who knows what I thought it could have been.

Luckily, that seemed to be it. I was a bit worried because I have a touch of the head cold that The Toddler brought home from daycare, and a headache, and I know that mastitis starts off feeling like a cold that rapidly disintegrates. But The Bubby slept from 930-730 (for the first time in a loooooooong time) and I woke up feeling no worse than I did last time.

I hope that's the closest I ever come to it.

Nuggets

The Bubby has been doing tiny little poops. Seemingly always as or just after I changed her nappy.

It reached a ridiculous new point today when I changed her nappy mid feed and found a little nugget. Then, half way through the second side she grunted again and I found another nugget.

Changing her, the nappy was clean apart from the nugget - so, resourceful me lifted it away with a baby wipe, just to see another coming. We waited it out and repeated. Then another.

In awesome timing, The Toddler came running into the room and scared it away, so I waited with her nappy off and turned away to get a tshirt for The Toddler, keeping an eye on her for the slightest sign of movement/rolling off the table (yes. Must not do this).

Well.

In the reflection of the mirror, I kid you nod, a turd the length of my hand made it appearance.

That explains the grunting of the past few days.

(Luckily, it was a clean one!)

Toast

Trying to get The Bubby on to three meals a day is proving harder than expected.

Not because she's not in to it (she's totally in to it), but managing the timing between breastfeeds and naps, and The Toddler and getting out of the house occassionally.

To try and get her in to a more reaslitic pattern and away from just puree, The Bubby had toast for lunch.

And she loved it (just like The Toddler did)!

Although she was more enthusiastic than she was accurate - there was a lot of gumming and sucking but a lot of the time the toast was next to her mouth.

She's growing up!

Petting Zoo

Today, Pa and I took the two girls to Floriade. It was a beautiful day (24 degrees!! Tshirts!!!) and I love getting out to Floriade each year (although I don't seem to spend much time looking at the flowers).

I took The Toddler through the petting zoo, which she loved. She was so gentle and there was minimal of chasing after animals - she especially loved the ducks and the chickens (thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to buying chickens for our house!) and was only scared of the calf (admittedly, I was a little scared of it too).

So, of course, she didn't want to leave.

In my typical style, I used the bartering card of 'ice cream' - I'd been telling her if she was good in the stroller we could see the animals and then get an ice cream. Ice cream wasn't enough.

Luckilly, one of the staff had a little bunny that she used to pied piper The Toddler out of the animal area to the waiting pen, so it was easier to drag her back to her stroller - where she promptly gave us a good demonstration of her planking skills (making it impossible to clip her in to the stroller).

I was so glad to have dad there, who was able to (as he put it) 'use his 1980's voice' to get Eva in to the stroller.

We whinged our way to the ice cream stall where I pointed at the gaytime (seriously, what happened to paddlepops?!), and where she pointed to the magnum instead. Even though I insisted that my parents never bought me a magnum, The Toddler won.

I'm such a sucker!

Long weekend.

This post is being brought to you by a dinner of smoked salmon and brie, and a vodka.

I had a long weekend.

The Husband was interestate on an adventure race - nothing against him in the slightest, I would want the same opportunities/allowances if/when I wanted them. Plus I was encouraging him to do it.

However, The Toddler was coming down with a head cold, and The Bubby is snotty now too, and I've got a mild strain.

We have plenty of experience with how much harder The Toddler is when she is coming down with something or sick. She is normally very busy, but when she is on the path to unwell she is just that much harder. Plus she is totally flexing her muscles at being two, is going through some crazy love/hate thing with me being home where she is both joined to me at the hip but also seemingly quicker to get angry/cranky/frustrated with me. She has continued to wake before 6:30am, even though we have bought the Gro-clock (it changes from a picture of a star to a moon at 6:30 which is meant to be her cue that she is now allowed out of her room). Her coughing has meant her naps/sleep have been interupted a lot (coughing every 10 minutes or so).

She has started pulling a face at me which is a glare - if you pull it back at her she laughs, but I find it very hard to get to that point. I don't know why I find it so hard.

I found myself at times working really hard not to say what I really felt.

Both parents commented that I should be kinder and that I was struggling.

My mother in law came past to visit at dinner time just to help out, unprompted.

I have enrolled in a parenting workshop later this month, titled 'Small changes, Big differences'. It's meant to offer strategies to help life at home run more smoothly, with less fuss and more fun and engagement with kids. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but The Bubby being 2 years younger than The Toddler, I don't want to still be here/be back here in two years time.

There's no point to this, just a ramble.

I would love a do-over, but I wonder if I could do it any differently.

Retrospect

After dropping The Toddler at daycare I was sitting on the bed. The Bubby was laying on top of the doona, napping. I was dressed and the house was tidy. I was surfing the internet and listening to music and it wasn't even 9am.

I commented to The Husband that I wished I realised that it could have been like this with just one. That it didn't have to be as hard as I felt / made it out to be.

It's kind of unfair that you don't realise how 'easy' something is until you're going through something 'harder'. And it must suck for the first time parents who are working through raising their baby and seeing others with two or more having minimal issues with their youngest.

Poops

Even though I know there is no gonig back for us, there are still a few things being ticked off that I won't be seeing again.

Size 0000 and 000 clothes. She is quickly moving out of being bought clothes from the baby section.

Newborn and infant nappies. We're up to crawlers, which are also easily confused with The Toddlers when they're floating around the nappy bag.

3 hourly feeds. She is much easier able to go 3.5-4 hours before she wants a feed, and I find myself still trying to get her to feed at 3 hours so I can schedule my day easier (naughty mummy).

Baby poops. Gone. She is now squeaking out tiny little tablespoon pasty poops, no more (knock wood!) squirty loud escaping satay nappy fillers.

Though I am a bit conflicted because they totally stink like real poop...!

Cluckity cluck

We met up this morning for work mothers group - our latest addition is a gorgeous baby boy, not yet three weeks old.

It was so sweet to see him and to see the other mummy's cluck over him. It was especially touching to see one of my friends potentially questioning whether or not she wanted more babies, when no other baby had done that for her.

It was also nice for me to see how I felt. He is super cute. He makes little squeaky noises and he sleeps and he has gorgeous little hair and hands and eyelashes. But there was not one little part of me that wanted to return to that time - it's only been five months, but The Bubby has grown a lot more in that time and I have zero urge to go backwards, let alone be pregnant.

I am definitely done.

Rolling

It happened! The Bubby rolled! And I missed it!!!

I was filling up The Toddlers water bottle (more correctly, facilitating her do it herself because that's how she wants it, thank you very much) and came back in to the dining room to find her on her belly.

And then, when changing The Todlers nappy, I came back to find she'd done it again.

It has encouraged me two ways - I must have let her play on the ground enough to work it out, and I will continue to let her play on the ground to keep working it out.

Doors

The Toddler can now open doors.

Yesterday, while she was meant to be napping, she walked out to where I was on the couch with The Bubby and proudly declared "Oh! How lovely to see you again!" before I escorted her back to her room.

I thought it was just a one off until last night when it took close to 20 attempts for her to stay in her room - she has various delay tactics, the main ones being calling for 'mummy cuddles' (I gave in to that one at about attempt 8 but it wasn't enough to keep her in bed) or 'tuck in' (also didn't work).

I was glad I had watched quite a few of those Supernanny episodes and knew all you had to do was keep putting them back in without talking until they got the idea.

I indicated to The Husband that we could buy lever door handles and flip them so that the handle needs to be lifted up, but we agreed it would just be delaying the inevitable.

Movie

Today I stopped past my parents house to avoid going stir crazy with the girls while The Husband got ready for his adventure race next weekend.

I popped out to get some bread, salmon and brie (and another redeye!) and we sat down to try to watch a movie with The Toddler - her first.

Mum put on The Little Mermaid (one of her favourite movies) and The Toddler watched bits here and there. She's still a way off being able to concentrate for the full time, so it was a good test to determine how long it will be until I can take her to a movie theatre (another year or two, I'd say!).

Healthy

As of today I am officially back within the healthy weight range.

This means with my weightwatchers efforts, if I stay at or below my current weight for the next six weeks I am eligible for lifetime membership, which means cheaper access to the tools/meetings from now on.

I've lost 9.5 kg and can't wait to lose another five or more!

Early to bed

The Bubby and The Toddler have been doing well on the rough routine we have going.

However, last night she had a nap after her last meal at 5:30, and was still asleep in bed when I got home from the gym at 7:30.

I ummed and ahh-ed about whether to wake her up and figured against it, on the basis that if I did wake and feed her it wasn't actually any kind of guarantee that she would then continue to sleep or sleep longer.

And in fact, she slept from just before 6pm until 4am.

Although, I did stir a few times before that, worried that she was caught up in her clothes (she was wearing a hoody jumper and wasn't in her sleeping bag).

If only it hadn't taken 90 minutes for me to get back to sleep, I would have been very well rested!

The jumper

The jumper mentioned in my post at my lowest of lows was laying on the bed.

And so I tried it on and sent a pic to The Husband of me smirking in it.

His response?

"It's too big for you!".

That's a (good) change for the books.

Wild Things

The Toddler has a book "Daddies are for wild things" that I bought The Husband for his first Fathers Day.

While reading it, I left the end off each sentence for The Toddler to finish.

I don't think I've ever heard anything more adorable than her saying things like "changing lightbulbs!", "making tidal waves" and "tickling me!".

She is growing up in so many leaps and bounds.

Learning

Today, I read an even better quote:

One day she made the conscious choice to shift her focus from 

"What was I thinking" 

to 

"What did I learn?"

Only then was she able to turn her regrets in to lessons,

and a sea of calm gave her life brightness and hope.

It doesn't do me or my daughters or my husband or my friends or my family any good for me to mope about actions I've taken or the way things have turned out.

I need to look at a situation, work out what I could do differently if needed/preferred/necessary, and learn from it.

Golden Sunday

I was ready to go to bed at 6pm last night, but the whole 'Toddler needs dinner / a bath / to be put to bed" and The Bubby needed to be fed. So I cooked a quick meal for everyone at once, did the bedtime routine with The Husband's help and found myself in bed at 8pm.

I watched some tv on the iPad, figuring I'd be in bed for an hour or two before falling asleep, but found myself jerking awake 10 minutes in to watching.

I was asleep before 830.

I woke briefly at 11 when The Husband came in to put the dog out, but then I didn't wake again until 5:30 when I double checked that The Bubby's baby monitor was working.

NINE HOURS SLEEP.

It is the best night's sleep I've had in like a year AND probably the highlight of my year.

It's amazing how good I have felt all day after this!

Three times a lady

Friday night.

Feed at 8pm.

Feed at midnight.

Feed at 3am.

Feed at 6am then up with The Toddler while The Husband goes mountain biking.

URGH.

No wonder I'm so tired, that's exactly what it's like with a newborn!

After the Wonder Week

For The Bubby's first night in her cot, she woke at 3am and 6am. Not too bad, but of course, not awesome.

Last night, she stirred at 1am, but I went back to sleep without her getting noisier. Again at 3am, at which point I got up to go to the bathroom, and then she was back asleep.

Then again at 5.20am. Which is awesome.

Had she been in my room, I would have got up and tried to feed her all three times, but I was able to settle back to sleep quite easily.

I checked the Wonder Weeks application, and the dates indicate it was her first night out of the four month (five week long) sleep regression.

Although it is a little sad to see my little baby all asleep just fine without me in her big cot, in her own room, it is twice as nice to see her big moon smile when I go in to feed her in the mornings!

Quotes

This quote came up on my facebook today:

The lash of the tongue on the heart of a child can have devastating and lasting consequences. Choose your words wisely to sow words of peace, words that build, words that show respect and belief and support. These are seeds of a future filled with hope.

It's a reminder to act like the grown-up.

Like in that split second after The Toddler knocks a full litre of water on to the floor and you have the time to decide whether to just clean it or to stamp your feet on the spot and yell 'no no nononononononnooooooooooo!' (at the day, not at the child!) like a baby, it's best to be the adult.

At least I got it out of my system.

Eviction

Must like with The Toddler, The Bubby pushed her luck just a few too many times last night - she woke at 1.30am for a feed, 4am for half a feed, 5am with a tummyache, 530am with farts and 6am for a cuddle (with The Toddler making her grand entrance shortly before 6.30am).

Today, she commenced sleeping in the cot in her own room.

I'm of the line of thinking that not having her in the room will stop me jumping up to her when she's not necessarily hungry/in need and she will learn to sleep better.

Either way, we'll see how it goes tonight.

Waking

With a few days of additional wakeups (1am! No thanks!) we gave The Bubby two solids feeds last night.

Good news - no 1am wakeup!
Bad news - 11pm wakeup!
Good news - slept through until 5am wake up!

11pm sounds great, but it's rough when you've fallen asleep half an hour earlier, in an effort to get a good chunk of sleep before a wake up.

Of course, it's rougher on The Husband who I made get up at 630 (as I'd only just gotten back to sleep after the 5am sleep and have been up to The Toddler 9 mornings in a row) and then found out he'd only gotten to sleep at 2am. But that's his fault. I definitely enjoyed my extra 90 minutes of sleep!

Poop face

There are few things more adorable and dread-filling than an infant staring at you, glassy eyed, as she groan-purrs in preparation for a real nappy filler...

Coast trip - there we go

Done.

And it wasn't so bad...

For The Toddler, she was very well behaved. Not one tantrum and she loved her Granny!

But there was a lot of stress. Like when she was forcing Pa's DVD player closed. When she would continually ask for Peppa Pig and then not watch it. When she broke the coffee table. When she kept picking the flowers. When she kept putting crumbs and toys all over the floor. When she put buttery fingerprints all over the glass door. When she spilt milkshake all over the floor/table/seat cushion. When she wouldn't go to bed. When she finally went to bed at 9, took until 930 to fall asleep and then woke up at 630. When she came in to my bed with The Husband at 7, climbed all over me for an hour then heard Granny get out of bed and forced me to hang out in my pyjamas for another two hours while The Husband and The Bubby got to sleep more.

But, again, she loved her Granny and her Granny loved having her there.

And I love her profiteroles!!!!

Coast trip - here we come

Today, we're heading down the coast to visit The Husband's grandparents for his granny's 75th birthday.

I am dreading it.

Not only because I don't like staying in other peoples houses, but because we're going to be juggling a very 'two year old' two year old.

Urggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

Drop 8, drop 7

This week, I only had a loss of half a kilo.

I've been doing quite well, with a lost of 7.9kg over 8 weeks, but with The Bubby starting to increase her solids (she had a full two teaspoons of farex quite easily today), I need to adjust my eating accordingly.

Time to farewell another 7 'points' from my daily allowance - unless it affects my milk supply/means I'm not eating enough, then I'll bring them back quicker than I can drink a red-eye!

One last step

So, the last step of the last post brings up an interesting point.

I definitely seem to drink more (often?) in the first year of my childrens lives.

Tuesday is my 'hump' day with both girls, and the day I am home alone with them for 12 hours most times (The Husband plays squash after work and gets home after 8). I'll get them both down and then kick off with a drink while I prepare dinner, sometimes a second with/after dinner (he plays computer games with friends on a Tuesday night too).

Thursday I have the gym and then cook dinner, so quite often there is a drink involved (I burn a number of points at the gym that I also have to 'eat', so a drink is a good way to do it).

Friday night = Friday night!

Saturday night = Saturday night!

Sunday night is the nigh before I kick off on three days at home with the girls.

I'm not drinking every night (not even five nights a week usually!) and I can only have two at the most before it's all a bit much.

But should I really need to 'medicate' with alcohol just because I'm living my life?

Tea (time) for two

I always wondered how I would go juggling two babies at the end of the day. Night time is already the hardest part of being a parent of one, what with the tired/cranky child, juggling their dinner (and yours if you're feeling adventurous), bath, stories and bed.

My strategy mostly came down to waiting until The Husband was home and then we'd deal with one each. But that doesn't always work (he's often still at work or sport at this time).

But, we've got in to a bit of a groove (and it seemed I learnt nothing from not having The Toddler in a routine earlier, only really starting this at four months!).

 - Feed The Bubby while The Toddler eats dinner (leftovers from the night before) and usually watches tv (it stops her running around making mess and it's surprisingly effective to pause it until she takes a bite)
 - Bring The Bubby in her rocker to the entrance of the bathroom
 - Do The Toddlers hair, teeth and soap in the bath
 - Bring The Bubby in to the bath as well, let The Toddler pour water on her belly ("good helping!")
 - Nappy and onesie on The Bubby while The Toddler continues to much around
 - The Bubby back in the rocker while The Toddler gets dressed/does a nudie run
 - Stories for both girls in The Toddlers room
 - Put The Bubby in her sleeping bag, give her a top up feed and put her in to bassinet
 - Drink.

Bassinet

The Bubby is still sleeping in our room in her bassinet. It's not much hassle at all as she is a pretty good sleeper, and we're getting used to getting our stuff ready in the dark at night (it's also a good reason to keep our room tidy because it's easier to find stuff / not trip over things if I've made the bed, put pyjamas under pillows and cleared The Husbands giant uggboots out of the way).

I have a friend who was going to take the bassinet off our hands (no more babies = no more need for bassinet) and it has been getting closer to the date where she'll need to pick it up so she has it before the baby arrives.

And I've been pushing it back as long as I could so that we can minimise disturbances to our pattern of sleeping (most nights) from 8pm-4am in case it changed once we moved her in to her cot. And I think she needs some curtains in her room as there is gaps all around the pull down blind that I think will wake her when the sun is up.

So it was with some relief that I found out my friend has organised a different bassinet.

Looks like we'll have a roommate for a little longer!

Hullo little person

I brought home a little block of Lindt chocolate for The Husband when I realised I was gone longer than expected when catching up with my friends.

I walked in the door and The Toddler greeted me with "Hello mummy! Ta?".

I passed her the box and asked her what it was. "Chocolate!".
(I didn't think she would know)
Then she asked "What does that say?", pointing to the label.

"Lindt."
"Lindt" she repeated, as she carried it in to the other room.

Gosh, she's growing.

Normal

Continuing my weekend of awesome, I headed out for coffee and cake this afternoon with my best friends.

And before I knew it, it was three hours later.

It felt so normal to be there. I wasn't the harried or grumpy or tired mum I can be. I wasn't the odd one out juggling a baby and fussing on her and constantly being distracted. I wasn't trying to keep eyes on The Toddler and having to make my apologies and leave early because there is no way she would even sit still at 10 minutes, let alone three hours.

I was just good, old, normal me.

When I realised the time I dashed home, freaking that I was going to walk in to find a hungry Bubby, a whingy Toddler and an exasperated Husband. Instead, I got a smiley baby (four hours since her last feed and no whinging - I love her!), a cheery toddler, and a Husband who wasn't even worried I was 'late'.

Fantastic.

Sunshine

What a difference a sleep in makes!

This morning, I got the chance to wake up at 9:30 (after a 5:30 feed and an interruption at 7am while The Husband got up and got The Toddler dressed, then came in to get the stirring Bubby).

To make it even better - a plate of pikelets waiting for me.

Then? The Toddler napped for three hours. That has NEVER happened before.

Not to mention that the sun has started to change into it's spring outfit, so it was almost tshirt weather.

I remember these sorts of days from when The Toddler was a baby. The change in seasons makes so much more of a difference than I ever realised.

Myrtle

The Bubby doesn't really have a nickname - her name doesn't really shorten to anything.

But at the moment, she is my little 'Myrtle'.

She has more of a neck than The Toddler did, and she peers around and out of her baby carrier, her little turtle neck and her big eyes (and her cradle capped scaly head now that I think of it!).

Gorgeous, happy, baby Myrtle turtle.

How

I had one of those moments.

Those moments where you realise somehow, you've ended up alone in a house with a toddler and a baby, chopping watermelon with a big persons knife, and being the authority on whether they can have more or should have yoghurt; whether they can watch 'just one more' Peppa Pig; what time they should eat and bathe and go to bed.

Just me in the house.

Stories

The Toddlers imagination is working, working, working.

The other morning when I went in to her room to get her dressed for the day, she gave me the following story.

"Hi mummy! Doggy! Doggy! What's that noise? Doggy barking! Come see!"

She led me over to the arm chair and pulled the curtains.

"Doggy! There!"

I couldn't see it so I asked her where it was.

"Doggy front door!"

The dog's at the front door is it? What colour is it?

"White!".

Can you still see it?

"Yes!".

There was no dog. Maybe there was? But it's crazy that she's coming up with / finding ways to vocalise these things.

Trust

Last night, I was bathing The Toddler and noticed something red in the corner of her eye - the eye that she had scratched at daycare last week. When I asked if it was sore, she said no. When I asked if it was itchy, she said no, and pointed to the eczema on her back and said 'just that'. I couldn't get it out with a facewasher or water.

I googled sty's and eye infections while The Husband dressed her for bed, and I drafted a post in one of my online mothers group asking what they would do. Then I deleted it because I knew the answer would be to take her to the doctor in the morning if I was worried.

Then the husband brought her out so I could do her stories ("mummy do it!") and I noticed the piece of bright red cotton on her cheek, no longer in her eye.

*****

Then it was 9pm and the baby had only fed four times - 6am, 8am, 12pm and 4pm. She had slept most of the afternoon away and I wasn't sure what I should do. I drafted another post in the online group, but then deleted it when I realised I would have replied to myself with 'wake her and feed her if you're worried'.

When I woke her at 930 her nappy was dry, but she fed fine and was otherwise herself. She woke again at 4 for a feed, and 6 for half a feed and a cuddle in bed while we waited for The Toddler to wake up.

*****

I'm so quick to ask for reassurance, that I often forget to check with myself first.

Four month needles

Another few weeks pass, another round of needles required.

The poor little petal did better than last time, but it is just. so. sad.

Because she isn't much of a crier, when she cries out in pain, she really makes you feel it.

She also decided to spit out most of the oral immunisation, so hopefully she is still covered (the nurse was suctioning the spit off her chin to give back to her!).

Contrast

From one extreme to the other!

The Toddler was in bed, asleep, before 8pm last night.

After The Bubby woke at 1am, 4am and 6am (yes, seriously. No, I'm not impressed), I went in to The Toddlers room at 730 to see what was happening.

And I couldn't see her.

After a moment of shock I headed around and found her on the floor. On her belly. With her head at the opposite end to where the pillow was.

I called out and told her it was time to wake up - no response.
I tickled her back - no response.
I told her again - no response.

She was warm and breathing, but I could feel myself starting to panic.

I got The Husband in and he joined in too - scratching her back, touching her cheek, talking to her, telling her to wake up.

And just before I got to panicky, shrill demaning she wake up - she woke up.

She sat straight up, looked at the window in her room, declared it was day time and asked to go play.

We're not sure if she climbed out or fell out, but the bed rail was shifted away from the bed a bit, so it's more likely she fell. I'm just really surprised she did it without making any noise / waking up!

I had forgotten how heavy a sleeper she can be, and how hard she was to wake up when I needed her to (like for daycare).

Interstate

URGH.

Travelling with The Toddler has brought on a whole new level of extreme.

Visiting my brother in Wagga, we had to book an apartment with a seperate room for The Toddler, knowing she would need a bed and hasn't slept with us in ours since she was a baby.

So she didn't get to sleep until after 10.30pm.

Then she woke at 430am when The Bubby was feeding in our room. And she wouldn't stay in her room (she could open the handles) and wouldn't let The Husband settle her, so I spent two hours laying in the second bed in her room telling her to lay down and sleep - we had left a light on in the lounge so if she got up and tried to find us she could see, rather than freaking out in the dark. Instead, this light made her think it was day time, and not go-the-eff-back-to-sleep time.

She then gave me a 45 minute sleep before raring to start the day. And then she napped three seperate times in the car during the day.

I've already been called out a few times on being short with her, but I gotta tell you, on such little sleep for such stupid (to me) reasons, I'm not going to apologise to anyone.

Shedding

I am now below the weight I was when I fell pregnant with The Bubby - the current 5kg block I am working off is the 5kg I kept after I fell pregnant with The Toddler.

Then, it will be the 5kg I kept after getting married.

Then we'll see where we go from there!

Of course, it didn't help to have The Toddler point to my muffin top while I was feeding The Bubby and proudly declare "Big bottom! Big bottom mummy!".

Wednesdays

Wednesdays are more than just a hump day to me - they are the day before The Toddlers two days in daycare, the last of three days home alone with my two girls.

Wednesday night is a thrill - I am ready to get out of the house at 6pm on the dot to take the girls to family tea with The Husbands family. It's actually a joy for us all, with The Toddler having a bunch of adult friends to play with (making everyone pretend to sleep, play hide and seek, offer them tea, steal their chairs), The Bubby getting laughs and cuddles from extended family, and I get to kick back and relax a little and catch up with adults.

I must say though, after having The Toddler for the weekend, I did notice that some of the family are sounding more and more like me when speaking to her when she's playing up/being trying - a nice little affirmation (in a way) that being worn down is not something that just happens to me.

Good baby

Well.

Today I heard a baby cry that went from nothing to soudning like a shrill baby monkey having it's tail pulled off.

I am so, so, so lucky.

Solids

It's begun.

At mothers group this morning, we were talking about solids a bit. I mentioned I'd been thinking about starting as The Bubby is putting things in her mouth and interested in our food. To illustrate/test it out, I gave her some pear in a mesh sack.

She LOVED it.

I tried her with farex just after her feed at lunch time, and I'm not sure if she ate much of it. She pushed some out with her tongue, but it wasn't an instant reflex thing - the tongue push can be a sign that they're not ready. I plan to try again tomorrow to see how she goes with it, I think she'll get in to it.

The last tricky thing is whether or not I have to reduce the amount of food that I eat now that she is on solids, if she is actually 'on solids'!

480 minutes

It happened!! 8 hours of sleep!!!

I was wiped after our Sydney trip and in bed before 9. Then I finished the episode of Glee I had been watching the night before, and started a new one before I knew I was just too tired.

I heard The Bubby stirring and decided to wait and see if she would settle herself, rather than getting up to feed her. When she started to chatter, I decided it would be better to get up and feed her and go back to sleep rather than have her wake The Toddler (the night before she stirred at 4am but I waited and she went back to sleep for two hours).

It was 6:30am.

Fantastic!

That said, I didn't feel like a whole new person or anything - I guess I'll always just wake up feeling a little tired.

Sydney

We spent the weekend in Sydney with The Bubby, while The Toddler stayed with her Nanny and Bumpa (so that The Husband could run the City2Surf).

We were able to manage her a whole lot easier than I remember - it just goes to show how much more relaxed we are this time.

I fed her before we left, at Sutton forest, in the carpark of the hotel, after we went out for (an amazingly delicious!) dinner, at 6am, in the parents room of the fancy Westfield, in the parents room of Bondi Westfield, in the carpark of the hotel, at Sutton forest and back at home.

She spent the whole time sleeping or chilling in the Ergo, or chatting to The Husband - she is really interacting more, squealing and yelling at him after he tickles her so that he'll do it again.

We also got a few picture messages from The Husbands parents - it's amazing how much more grown up she looks in pictures when she's not there with you. She seems to have had a really fun time, we're lucky to have people who are willing and excited about looking after her when we need help.

Separation

I know that it's not until six - nine months that a baby realises they are separate, but more and more recently I have noticed The Bubby getting upset when she is with someone new.

It's like as soon as she realises I am not the one holding her, she gets upset.

It could be coincidence, but it's also nice to be the one that can sooth her.

Belt up

I ducked back in to the physio today to get a pelvis belt.

Super sexy.

Not.

It's a stretchy band that I have to wear on my hips, with a padded piece at the front, where I do up the buttons on my pants. It's also really good at sucking in some of my fat, so you can see a big indent all around me.

I have to wear it all waking hours for two weeks, and then just when I'm lifting/pushing/exercising for another two weeks - it is physically pulling my two sides of my pelvis together.

I had thought that a lot of my discomfort/difficulty moving just came from being bigger than I have when not pregnant (5.5kg down, 10 to go!) but when the physio would physically push on my pelvis I could feel how much better it felt.

I really hope this is the last chapter of this...

New car

Today I picked up our mummy wagon.

I. LOVE. IT.

So much room inside! No more being kicked in the back by The Toddler! Boot space! Clean! Easy to get in and out of!

And because it has stuff like a pearl finish, CD stacker, MP3 player, audio input etc, I feel like a cool mum.

I'm sure that exists...

Growing

We had a mothers group meetup again yesterday, this time at one of my works friends' house that has an almost 3 year old.

Apparently, the girl was very excited about us coming to visit, and had been talking to her mum all morning about it.

When we arrived, she took The Toddler by the hand to go play in her room.

And she did.

It's a gradual shift, but a startling change - she is now able to play with others, rather than just near or tolerating them. Of course, she still does her own thing and changes at a whim, but it's happening.

Stop counting!

Based on that previous nights sleep, I went to bed at 9pm on Sunday night and got to sleep at 1030.

The Bubby woke up 6am (and I stirred at 1am, 4am, 5am and up at 6am).

Feeling cocky, last night I went to sleep just before 11:30.
The Bubby woke at 2am, 5am and 8am (The Husband got up to The Toddler at 630).

Ugh. No more double wake nights, please!!

Counting

I know 'they' tell you not to work it out, but had I gone to bed at 10pm (my normal time) rather than 12:30am (after going to the movies) I would have had a full 8 hours sleep...

Home alone

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I was briefly home alone.

Between getting home from the gym and heading out to meet The Husband and the girls at the markets, it was just me and the little dog.

So I pumped the bedroom speakers as loud as I could, showered with the door open and sang my lungs out (sorry neighbours!).

The house did feel empty though. And I found myself looking forward to that moment where my girls would see me with them.

Sweet

The Bubby was laying back on our bed while we got ready to watch the Brumbies play in the final at the club - The Toddler was going to hang out with Nanny and The Bubby was going to come with us.

The Bubby had just fed (an hour ealier than I expected) and was tired and whingey. When I am home alone and getting ready, there are times that she is just left to cry. It's never long, and it's never on the odd occassion that she actually gets distressed, but just at times when things need to be done.

The Husband came in to pick her up, and she stopped straight away. In typical fashion, he wasn't ready yet and it was dangerously near the time that we were meant to be arriving at his parents house, so I gave him the hustle-hustle and he put her back down.

And she started whinging again.

And then The Toddler came in, sat on the bed next to her and stroked her hair, telling her it was okay.

And The Bubby stopped whinging. And started laughing.

I do hope these moments continue well into the time they are both able to remember. They clearly adore each other.

Bang! Boom! Body!

I've been doing Weight Watchers now for a month and I've lost 4.4kg.

I feel better. I have more energy. I am cooking better meals for myself and my family. I look forward to getting out and getting to the gym (and yes, to 'letting' the husband experience an hour or so twice a week as the stay-at-home parent). I wore leggings to the gym for the first time ever. I am thinking about what goes in my mouth rather than just obsessing and craving all the 'bad' food I can get my hands on.

I'm now about the weight I was when I fell pregnant with The Bubby. Which is five more than when I fell pregnant with The Toddler. Which is another five more than my preferred weight. Which is also a few above an awesome (but not really sustainable) weight.

But, while I am back in my 'normal' size and even have a few of those falling down, my shape is nothing like it was before. My stomach is in terrible shape, and the fact that my pelvis is still (STILL!) slipping out (both forward and up/down) is a bit of a pain in the butt (and the pelvis). I don't remember being this barrelly before I fell pregnant the second time, but I could have just been in denial.

Additionally, I get an extra 14 points while The Bubby is fully exclusively breastfed. That cuts down to 7 once she starts solids. We were planning to start The Bubby on solids at exactly 4 months like we did with The Toddler, but while I know she is watching us eat, I am not sure her neck control (see the previous post!) is where it needs to be. I've got a bit over a week to think about it, but we'll see how it goes.

But it feels great to be out and healthy.

It feels great to be living like an adult.

Blood nose

The other night, I was administering saline spray up The Bubby's nose, as per usual - I have been doing this almost every feed, especially overnight, as she is often sounding stuffy.

Unfortunately, not as per usual, she decided to throw her head around in that newborn fashion while I was spraying up her nose.

Ouch.

She screamed, and cried, and I started feeding her and she settled.

But there was blood on her nose, on her cheek and on me.

I felt so terrible - she was upset for less than a minute, but it turned my stomach to see her covered in blood. There were moments where I wouldn't have been surprised if I was about to be sick. Heartbreaking and stomach wrenching, my poor sweetheart.

She was fine the next morning, and there was just one snottie that had old blood on it. But I'm only using the spray when totally necessary from now on.

Thar she goes

Last night, The Bubby got both hungry AND overtired while The Toddler was going through her bedtime routine (dinner at 6, bath or a shower, nudie run around the loungeroom, three stories, stars on, lamp off, goodnight). I fed one side while watching The Toddler, but when I took The Bubby in to her room to change her (she smelt poopy) The Toddler wouldn't sing so that I could hear her (and instead went quiet and picked at her eczma on her back and it started to bleed), so we abandoned that and continued with nudie run etc while The Bubby was screechy in her rocking chair.

I zipped The Bubby in to her sleeping bag (it's always at least 2 degrees colder in our room than the family room where the heating sensor is) fed the other side in the dark and put her in the bassinet, still screechy. I decided to film it so I could have a record of how quickly she settles - by the time I tucked one blanket over her, got the iPad from the bedside table and turned it to video to record the noise, she had gone from screaming to asleep.

We are really, really, really lucky.

Sunny Days

We've started a mothers group with ladies from work - there areseven of us that have had babies within about 6 months.

This morning was my day to host.

And it was lovely!

It reminded me of the early days with The Toddler, when it was quite often the one day I would leave the house, the one day I'd put on jeans instead of trackpants, the one day I could talk face to face with others about being tired, or where my baby was up to, or was what she was doing normal. As The Toddlers group started about a month or so later than we have this time, it also reminds me of the weather getting warmer - happy memories of sitting around without having to be rugged up, sunny loungerooms and Cadbury marvellous creations chocolate.

Just lovely.

Thumbs

While The Toddler was never in to thumb sucking, The Babby totally is (as was her aunty!).

It is so nice to see that you can put her in the bassinet when she's tired, and there is less than five seconds whinge while she works out to turn her head to one side and just pop it in (usually with her fingers over her nose and eyes).

Lets just hope it doesn't cause too many issues when she's older!

Cold

There is nothing sadder than a tired and sick baby croaking out for a feed at 4am.

Made sadder because they fed at 1am and I am bone achingly tired trying to recover from this cold, but still pretty freaking sad to hear.

The twist

I find myself wondering - because The Bubby is such an easy, happy, contented baby.... does this mean something horrible is going to happen?

It's morbid, but it does seem like it's going too well to be real.

Routines

The Bubby has guided us in to a routine of her own.

Her last feed seems to be around 5 or 6 (depending on how the day has gone) and it's her fifth or sixth feed of the day. I have her in her seat while I get The Toddler's dinner ready, and she's usually asleep (or well on her way) once it's time for The Toddlers bath.

Then she sleeps through until anywhere between 3 and 6am, usually with another two or three hours of sleep after that.

She's also ready to nap an hour or so after her feed, so she does spend a lot of time asleep. I feel bad putting her into her bassinet at her first tired signs (usually going to town on her hands/fingers/thumbs) but 9 times out of 10 she selfsettles herself to sleep within two minutes, with not much of a fuss at all.

She was a bit upset some of her awake time today, but that seemed to be because she is snuffly - I have a cold, and it's like a final injustice for breastfeeding mums that there is nothing you can take (apart from panadol) to help recover. And sleep is inevitably hard to grab with a baby.

Toys

I've been trying to put The Bubby down on the floor more.

I know I had a similar issue with The Toddler when she was a baby, it was always easier/nicer to just sit with her on you, or to put her in the seat (when she would handle it) - I feel like a bully plonking them down on the floor.

But today while on the mat (after I misjuggled putting her on a thicker blanket to keep warm and bonked her head on the floorboard), The Bubby reached up and starting batting at the toys hanging above her.

Milestone reached!

Tickles and laughs

Again, The Husband is really good at being able to get laughs out of both girls - they both laugh for him in a way I can't get them to repeat.

The Toddlers laugh with him is so joyful - she couldn't possibly sound any happier.

The Bubby's laugh is adorable - like one of those toys you shake that makes a chuckle and a long noise.

Just lovely.

Hip check

Today we drove up to Sydney for our appointment with the hip specialist.

The Bubby's hips could not be more perfect. He even told us not to get the five month 'just in case' xray we had booked because they are completely fine.

It was such a relief.

And also funny when she farted on him while he was checking her legs.

The Toddler's hips have also slightly improved. He showed her acetabular angles as 30 and 35 last time, now both are 30. He said if we need to have the operation there is no difference between doing it now or in one year or two years so we might as well wait to see if there is any improvement.

He said her inturned feet comes from her thighs and from her calves. Often the thigh flexibility will resolve itself with age. As she didn't like being examined, he said that he would see how she is going next time as to whether we look at the boots and bar.

And he doesn't want to see us for another 12 months (rather than six).

Overall, it went as well as it could have.

And it is just such a relief that things aren't any worse.

Homeshop

Getting your groceries delivered to your door is so convenient. And easy. And it saves us money because I don't spend more on buying things that I feel like eating / look good / are on special.

I love homeshop.

Except when it still hasn't arrived more than an hour after the window closes (two hours after the time you were told over the phone) and you're left juggling an overtired and hungry newborn and overtired and hungry toddler, past their bedtime, only to rush them out the door and arrive more than half an hour late to a birthday dinner.

Then it's a pain in the ass.

Twelve hours

5pm - feed The Bubby and put her to bed as she is looking tired.

9pm - The Bubby is stirring, will have a shower so I'm ready to feed her then sleep once she is done. She settles.

11pm - The Bubby is still stirring, will get some quick shuteye before she wakes me. She settles.

2am - The Husband is in bed after playing games at a friends house then watching TV. She is still settled.

330am - The Bubby is shifting. Go to the bathroom so that I am able to feed her without having to put her on the floor between sides while I dash to the loo. She settles.

430am - The Bubby is squiggling around. Can't wait any longer or my boobs are going to explode. Luckilly she feeds both sides (quite often does only one) and we're able to get back to sleep with minimal fuss (although, she spend a good 10 minutes deciding whether or not she'd do the second side - so annoying that you can't bargain with/hurry a three month old).

That's almost 12 hours between feeds!

I wonder what it will be like when she's in her own room and we don't hear her shifting around on her plastic bassinet mattress?

Party time

Yesterday, one of my best friends celebrated the end of her Phd and graduation.

I brought The Bubby along and we arrived at the ceremony just in time to hear her name be called - it was a really special moment, and The Bubby was so well behaved.

I also got to go out last night.

Man, there ain't no party like a mummy-that's-baby-free party!

Of course, in typical style, I stopped after a few drinks for fear of getting too sloppy, and that was me for the night. Then I felt my let down come in, realised if I stopped drinking then I would be able to feed her as normal in the middle of the night, and thought about how terrible my day would be with a hangover and so I headed home.

Kind of ironically, it was in the same place and for the same friend as my last 'first big night out' after The Toddler was born. I'm so lucky that The Bubby is so cruisy and is able to let me go out and not feeling/looking like absolute crap after only a few months.

(the poop started it's arrival at 4am this morning, and has made a few appearances (and a massive painful cry) during the day. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.)

Work it out

Last night, I went to the gym for the first time in yeaaaaaaaaaaaaars -I did an RPM class with my friend who also had a baby at the same time as The Bubby.

Because of my pelvis, I'm still not allowed to do anything which puts more weight on to one leg than the other, so I sat down for the whole class. I didn't get to the sweaty point, only really to the tired and slightly nauseous point, but I think that was due to not eating enough while rushing around trying to sort out appointments for The Bubby's hips, and the fact it was the first 'real' exercise (excluding the raining training I did before falling pregnant with The Bubby) in over four years.

It felt great to be out and doing something for me (and I've now lost 2.4 kg in two weeks on weight watchers!), and whereas I used to always find excuses to get out of going to the gym, being able to leave the house and the mess and the babies behind and do something has me looking forward to exercise for the first time in my life.

But boy is my butt sore.

Hips

The Toddler: The Toddler's hip angles came back at 31.7 and 33. Neither of those are below the 28 degrees that is the upper limit for healthy at birth. Neither of these are below the 20 degrees that they should be at the age of 2 if healthy. The angles have hardly changed.

The Bubby: Saw the MACH nurse today because I was tired of people telling me she was small or petite. She is in fact on the 50th percentile for height and head circumference, and 75th percentile for weight (so she is heavy!). The nurse also pointed out that her hip folds do not match up exactly. So now she has been booked in to see the specialist in Sydney at the same time as The Toddler. I hope it is nothing.

Poop freeze

The Bubby's last poop was at 4am yesterday.

Heaven help us when it arrives...

Xray time

The Toddler had her 6 monthly xray today. We don't get the results for another few days and the wait is killing me.

For the first time today I sat down and wrote down was results we'd had in previous xrays:  Left hip 32, 30 and 30; Right hip 34, 30 and 37. She needs it to be 20 or below now that she is 2 for it to be normal.

I do not have high hopes.

I do wonder if there was not more we could have done when she was younger - it doesn't help that the doctor we were seeing (before finally getting referred to Sydney) currently has nine malpractice suites against him.

"Hello Beautiful"

Yesterday, I moved the bassinet in to The Toddlers room so The Husband could have his sleep in without the snuffling of The Bubby.

The Toddler came with me to get The Bubby out of bed so we could feed her before heading out to the markets.

"Awake!" she said with a smile, as we walked in to the room to pick her up.

And then:

"Hello beautiful", with a soft touch to her leg as I carried her out.

My goodness.

Walking

The Husband and I took the girls for a walk around the lake yesterday.

I joined weightwatchers the other week, and had made a goal to walk around the lake once a week (and then I went and joined a gym - whoops).

The Husband pushed The Toddler in the stroller, and I carried The Bubby in the ergo - under the belief that I carry her around the shops all the time, so no biggie.

WRONG.

My pelvis is so sore today, I think I'm going to have to bring my physio appointment forward.

While it was great to be out and about, particularly as a family, it is not great that it hurts to stand up / sit down / move.

Wonder when I'm going to make it to the gym....?!

Gracie's holiday

Today, we had to send our big dog, Gracie, on a holiday.

She is trialling living with another family for a fortnight, to see how it goes before they make a decision whether she will stay.

It was a hard decision to make, but the last straw came after yet another fight between her and the small dog. This time it happened behind The Bubby while she was in the rocker and she sounded so terrified. And when I pulled Gracie away, she lunged again for the small dog and lifted him up by his tail.

While she never drew blood or injured him (rather than the stress upsetting his anxious stomach), something had to change.

Just before I went in to the hospital to have The Bubby, we were having almost daily fights. I was at my wits end when she jumped on the smaller dog as we were leaving for my induction. The Toddler was terrified and I was over the stress of the fighting. She went to live with my parents for a week and I spoke to a dog behaviouralist, and we got a bunch of tips on how to help.

And although things had improved (fights were down to one every few weeks), I was still tense. Which would make her tense. Which would make me more tense. And so on.

She is a gorgeous, sweet hearted dog. Something changed before The Bubby arrived which increased her urge to guard her food and guard The Husband and I. And that something was still hanging around three months later.

More exercise would have helped, but neither The Husband or I could commit to that. And that makes us terrible pet owners, but it's the truth.

She deserved to be happier. To always be greeted with smiles. To have family that were mature enough to be kinder to her (The Toddler will sometimes share food, sometimes not. She will step on her tail and sometimes on her feet. She gets up in her face when she wants to be left alone. She puts sand on her outside, she hits out at her sometimes and gives nice pats other times, and I actually caught her dribbling on her this morning).

If it were five years in the future I would have no problems keeping her - the girls would understand how to treat her, life would be less chaotic and we would all have the capacity to get to the bottom of it. But we just couldn't.

I feel like I failed her, because I did.

But it would be selfish to hang on to her and keep her unhappy so that I didn't feel bad. And I couldn't just sit and wait to see if there was ever a fight that ended up with one of the girls in the middle.

Laughing

On a day where I felt I really needed it, The Bubby laughed for the first time.

The icing on the cake? The second time she did it - she snorted.

Damn.

Those long nights of zero wakeups have ended.

Welcome back nights of one or two wakeups - I didn't miss you.

Whinge and whine

Oh.

You guys.

Seriously.

The Toddler has a whine when she is tired.

"Wheh wheh wheeeeeeeh. Wheh wheh wheeeeeeeeh."

Nothing puts an end to it.

This is followed closely by her second favourite whining noise "Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy". Even when I'm there. In front of her or holding her or having her on my lap. "Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy".

Today, I just couldn't handle any more. She woke up from her nap and it began and it didn't end. While I changed her nappy, while I redressed her, while I gave her a hug, while I told her (not harshly) that that was enough of that noise and to come out and join me when she is ready to stop whining.

When she came out, she agreed to some nurofen.

And tonight in the bath I found half of her bottom right molar popping through.

That probably explains some of that.

Rested

Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night, The Bubby slept through from between 6-8pm until 6-8am.
BLISS.

Dear Toddler - two years old

Dear Toddler,

This took me longer than I thought to start writing.

I read through the letter I wrote to you when you turned one and, combined with some other stress I'm currently feeling, I burst in to tears.

Of course, I was more rested then. And our days were just filled with just me and just you. Playing, eating solids with my boobs tucked firmly away, hanging out.

These days, I have the pull of two on me. And in many ways I feel like you are left out - you have to watch tv while I feed The Bubby so I can keep an eye on you close-by. And I feed The Bubby a lot. You are exploring and learning, and you are cheeky. Oh so cheeky. And I am tired and often feeling the weight of being at home all day (I'm not terribly good at it).

In the same vein, I also feel like The Bubby is left out - I skimmed back over what I wrote to you when you were three months old and you sound so much older than The Bubby does now. So if you're both left out, who is left in?

You are a real little person. Every week it seems like I am telling someone how in the last few weeks your vocabulary is exploding. You're stringing words together, you're getting better at articulating certain things, you are clearer at expressing what you want. And again, oh so cheeky.

One of your favourite games is "mummys girl, daddy's girl". Which was a silly game to start but, at the time, seemed like a good, fun idea. The concept being that The Husband and I sit on opposite couches with you in the middle, each of us holding one of your hands, and you rock side to side while I say "Mummy's girl!" and The Husband says "Daddy's girl!" and then you pick whose girl you are. 99 per cent of the time, you are mummy's girl, and you lay your head down on the arm of the chair for a hug - before The Husband acts shocked and whips you in to his arms to tickle and rile you up. You love being riled. You love being tickled and swung around and raised up in the air and turned upside down. And you love to say "mummy's girl" to rile daddy up out of the blue.

You are starting to become braver in a physical sense - we joined a tumbling class once a week and you are getting better at balancing and climbing and scooting through tunnels.We went to the park and you climbed up on the big kids ladder, only just within The Husbands reach, groaning with exertion (you must have learnt it from me!) with each step and pull until you realised just how high you were and answered with a soft little 'yes' when you decided that you would agree to come down now.

Socially, you are not so brave. When we first meet people, you get shy. You hide beind our legs or in another room until you are comfortable enough. That said, your party went better this year than it did last year, in that you didn't cry when all the people filled the house. You are also always not shy when you see Uncle Jonno or Uncle Will, two of your favourite people (after your grandparents) - they're always ready to rough and tumble play with you.

You are developing lovely manners, which makes me really happy. I almost always get a 'thank you mummy!' when I get you a muesli bar (your favourite treat) and you say please when you really want something.

Some of your younger habits still hang around - you love your teddy when you sleep, you request "up up!" in the kitchen or anytime you want to be picked up. But you're becoming more independent in other ways - you like to brush your teeth, you can put your own socks on, you hand me the remote when you want to watch tv. You can turn your toys on and off, you can steer through some of the apps, you're getting better with playdoh and you peel your own mandarins. You tell the dogs to get in their crates, you help feed them dinner, you lay out the mat when we change your nappy.

And you adore your baby sister. There have only been a very few times when you have been anything but totally loving towards her. You like to point out her features. WHen she cries you tell her 'shhh, s'okay', you show and share toys with her, you put your hands on her sides and say 'come here' and make like you're going to pick her up.

I hope she is the best gift we ever gave you, and you to her.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

These little moments...

... that define living with a toddler.

She was tired and worn out from her party (I will write more about this tomorrow!), and in the middle of deciding she didn't want any more dinner, she climbed up on to The Husband's chest (he was laying on the lounge).

And farted.

And I laughed. A lot.

"What was that?" he said.
"Say 'Pardon me'" I said.

"E - I - E - I" *another fart* "O!" was her reply.