Bumps

There are times when I think back to what it was like when I first started all this with the baby - this post in particular -  and I would think 'oh, how little I knew back then - she's so delightful and amazing!'.

You guys, the baby was totally being a little bit of a b*tch today.

And I know it's wrong of me to say that.
I know that she doesn't know how to express herself.
I know that she doesn't know how she even feels or why or what it is or if it's good or bad.
I know she's just a baby.

I think she's teething - I'm pretty sure there are bumps in her lower jaw. One on each side of the two bottom middle teeth she does have, but they're like the second ones out... if they are coming through, there will be gaps between her teeth.

She bit me again yesterday, and again today. I wonder if she can pick up the stress I'm feeling when I'm trying to feed her and terrified of getting bitten, because she's not feeding much. She only fed at 6am, 12pm and then 8pm tonight. Every other time she'd attach, then pull off almost straight away, straining to get away from me.

She's been whinging all day, no matter what we do.

She's pushing food away. She's pulling her dummy out. She's waking up crying, and it's furious crying that will only stop when you hold her. She's crying if you aren't holding her. She's not eating much of her solids. She thrashes around when I try to feed her in the chair in her room and she cries a lot when we put her in her cot. She would only be napping for half an hour at a time. She is moving back and forth a lot more, getting ready to move... perhaps she is frustrated with this too?

She woke up at 3 and 330 last night, and I nearly fell asleep in the rocking chair - she just wanted to be held. She did. not. want. to be in her cot. I was talking to her, not in my nighttime voice, but my normal voice, telling her it was enough. I clapped so that the noise would interupt her.  I flicked on her lamp to see if I could see anything wrong with her.

She had been like that all yesterday too. I tried for 45 minutes to get her to nap, and in the end only succeeded when she fell asleep on me on the spare bed and I was able to roll her on to her back on the bed and stay frozen, so that she'd think she was still on me when it was me on her.

I know that between 7 and 9 months the baby learns that it is it's own person, and that means they can be left, so that makes them clingy. But it's not like she's happy when she's with me - she is just unhappy. All the time.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. She's finally getting her xray to see if her hips are fixed and I was so sure that she'll be fine but now I just don't know. Perhaps she's preparing me for a terrible day.