Dear Baby - Month #7

Dear baby,

Happy 7 months of being a family!

Everyone who sees you know comments on how much more alert you are - how much you are taking things in, looking around, interacting. I say this all the time, but you're becoming more 'person'.

Each month is a 'better' month with you - the more time we spend together, the more we get to know each other, and the more we enjoy our time together. That's not to say this month hasn't been hard - it's been many, many, many nights of you waking every hour or few. I don't know what this is about... I spent a month trying to just put you back to sleep, but you'd keep waking. Then I started feeding you when you wake, but you're really only having a small feed and then going back to sleep (just to wake a few hours later). Last night, I decided to give you your first feed but then try to settle you after that, but you sucked at my collarbone and cried so I gave him. I don't know what to do, but I do think if you understood how our days could be even better if I was fully rested and not just bumbling my way through the day, you would probably be a little kinder to your poor old mum and then go back to sleep. I keep hoping you'll just randomly start sleeping through, but that seems less and less likely.

This month you also seemed to up your clinginess. We thought you had teeth coming through again, as I swear I can feel something in your top gum, but we can't see anything. And there have been a few occasions where the only thing that will stop you from crying is to be in my arms - even poor old dad can't get you to calm down. We've had a few afternoons at home where you've started to make a sad little noise that can't be fixed by feeding you (milk or solids), and you don't want to nap in your cot, but you lay your big old head down and settle on me while I pat your butt on the couch. It's kind of sweet that you just want a hug, and it is nice to 'have' to just sit and watch tv while we do this.

We've been going well with the nightime routine that we set up for you in this last month - you have your dinner and then I try to keep you upright a bit for a play and a burp if you need it. Sometime between 7 and 8 we take you in to your room, close the curtains and flick on the lamp. You get your face and hands washed, nappy changed, put in to your pyjamas and then after one 'last' feed, you sit on my lap with your dummy and we read a book before you go to bed. You're getting better at putting yourself to sleep without a fuss, and it is kind of nice to know that once you're down I have some 'free' time to finish tidying and to get dinner ready.

You're getting so much better with your hands. When I sit you up on the bed, you can reach out for toys. You reach for zippers and hair and jewellery with much more accuracy. I had you on my lap yesterday and I was placing a toy cube on my shoulder and you would just reach out and get it. You pull the mice out of their toy cheese when you feel like it, and you now lean forward in your rocker to get the toys - a first! You've also started reaching out for the book as we read at night - I need to stay vigilant to ensure you don't wreck any of the lovely books we've been gifted.

I'm looking forward to the next month. I'm trying not to think about the fact that you'll be 8 months, which is almost 9 months, which is so close to a year... and then I'll go back to work. I don't know what days/times I'll be working, or how it will all go. I have your name down in a daycare down the street which daddy and I liked, but it doesn't seem that likely that you will get it. Your Pa has offered to look after you, your dad plans to keep working his week in four days so he has a day with you, and you'll get to spend a day with your aunty and your soon to be cousin (and a day with your cousin with your daddy or I!). So that will be one day with me and one day with daycare, or two days with me, or two days with daycare... or who knows. You'll realise when you're older how much faith I seem to have in things 'just working out', so I'm trying not to worry about it. But, we have come so far, to think about how much I felt I needed to be at work in those early days, and now, I don't know how or what I feel.

Hopefully, this is the month when your brace comes off. I'm both looking forward to and dreading the new hugs we will have - when your legs are no longer forced to wrap around me. This could be the month when you roll. When you start to shuffle. When you're more toddler to me. Maybe you'll say your first word?

Thank you for your gentle pats.  For your toothy grins and for your laughs at silly little things. For those moments when you look at something and then look at me, as if you're asking me what it is or making sure that I was paying attention. For each little movement, each calculated and intentional grasp. For letting be your mummy to you.

I love you, baby girl.