Whether it's evident or not, I can see now that I did get my baby blues - the biggest hump being days 20, 21 & 22.
Wednesday afternoon, I came back from the shops and let the tears fall on to the steering wheel.
That night, the husband was out, and as I tried to feed the baby on one arm and stop a very persistent dog from licking her with the other, the tears settled on my singlet with the spilled milk.
Thursday night (after some much appreciated relief courtesy of the husbands family), I stood in the family room as the stereo blared, rocking and swaying, christening my baby with more silent tears.
Friday morning, after another unsettled night, I watched my baby squirm and push me away as I tried to feed her. The husband told me he was tired, I told him I was tired, he told me he understood and patted my back, and I hid from him the tears that I let slip out on to my pillow.
Saturday was a good day. She slept a lot, she continued her little bunny sneezes, she looked at us with her bright blue eyes.
Sunday was a better day. Visitors came through, she cooed and followed us with her eyes, her demeanor settles when she hears my voice.
Monday was a great day. I slept fairly well, I was up and dressed quickly, and I took her around the factory outlet and spent some money that I probably shouldn't have (down to 1.5 salaries). But to have that time alone with her (as she slept peacefully!), to practice being a 'public' mum, to buy some clothes that were lady sized and are warm and can be worn out when we're 'better' at all of this, helped me to realise exactly who we are now.
Sorry I haven`t stopped in the last week or so. Sounds like you went through a bit of a rough patch but that things are looking up :D
ReplyDeleteI loved your comment about been a "public" mum- I have never thought about it like that but you are so right!
Lulu - they are! I guess you know exactly what it's like ;o)
ReplyDelete